~~ CEB Community Thread ~~

[Jason]

It may take a while to work in every thread because it said that it has to run in the background and rebuild threads to make this work, but the 4.4 update came with a lazy loading feature that should hopefully eliminate, or if not at least greatly reduce, the issues with tweet-heavy threads spazzing out while the tweets load.

 

Basically now it can grab the dimensions for embedded media so that it can render the overall shape of the page without all the wild jumping around, and then only load the specific piece of media once you scroll to it. This should also help reduce mobile data usage when you're just checking the latest posts in a thread.

[Kal-El814]

1 hour ago, Jason said:

It may take a while to work in every thread because it said that it has to run in the background and rebuild threads to make this work, but the 4.4 update came with a lazy loading feature that should hopefully eliminate, or if not at least greatly reduce, the issues with tweet-heavy threads spazzing out while the tweets load.

 

Basically now it can grab the dimensions for embedded media so that it can render the overall shape of the page without all the wild jumping around, and then only load the specific piece of media once you scroll to it. This should also help reduce mobile data usage when you're just checking the latest posts in a thread.

I’ve definitely noticed an improvement. Thanks to everyone involved. 

[Jason]

9 minutes ago, Kal-El814 said:

I’ve definitely noticed an improvement. Thanks to everyone involved. 

 

 

I didn't realize you had to explicitly turn it on and that it wasn't just automatically something the update did until about 1.5 hours ago, so if you were already noticing an improvement before 1.5 hours ago it should be even better now. I felt like loading sped up right after the update, but it seems even less janky in the last 1.5 hours.

[marioandsonic]

I'm going to finally be moving out from living with my parents at the end of March.

 

Took me 30 fucking years, but better late than never.

[CitizenVectron]

Congrats! So the new job is going well?

 

 

[marioandsonic]

1 hour ago, CitizenVectron said:

Congrats! So the new job is going well?

So far, so good.

 

Not only will I be finally on my own, but I'll also be much closer to work.  As of now, it takes at least 45 minutes one-way, but this new apartment will only be 10 minutes at most.

[thewhyteboar]

If you're wondering what stage of capitalism we are at: I'm sitting in a Seoul theater about to watch Captain Marvel. One of the ads was for stylish masks you can wear when the air pollution is bad. So you will die choking on poisonous fumes, but at least you'll make a fashionable corpse. 

[Jason]

6 hours ago, thewhyteboar said:

If you're wondering what stage of capitalism we are at: I'm sitting in a Seoul theater about to watch Captain Marvel. One of the ads was for stylish masks you can wear when the air pollution is bad. So you will die choking on poisonous fumes, but at least you'll make a fashionable corpse. 

 

 

[Jason]

Had been seeing a girl for two months. I liked her, thought things were going well. Texted her last night to confirm a specific time for tonight. First she texts back "Sounds good!" 

 

Then, less than 15 minutes later, she sends a second text that was longer than this but can be summed up as, "So I was gonna talk about this tomorrow, but I don't see that there's the spark for this becoming something more serious." 

 

Talk about whiplash. 

 

[CitizenVectron]

Ouch, that sucks man. I mean, at least she didn't ghost you, but that's the sort of thing that should be talked about in person.

[Jason]

4 hours ago, CitizenVectron said:

Ouch, that sucks man. I mean, at least she didn't ghost you, but that's the sort of thing that should be talked about in person.

 

The text did include an offer to speak about it in person or on the phone, and I called her last night. It helped I guess, insofar as I at least have a basic idea about what happened instead of just being left wondering what the hell happened, but from what I can tell it basically all boils down to this series of things where I was trying to not come off as being too pushy about certain things which she was in fact waiting for me to make the move on, while I was taking the fact that she wasn't saying or otherwise indicating that she wanted those things as a sign that I viewed things as being on as serious a level as she wanted things to be. Starting with just really simple things like not texting back and forth between seeing each other about "how's your day" for instance. I'm not naturally inclined to do that, but would have put in the effort on something like that. Meanwhile she would have liked that, but she never said she wanted it nor even sent one of those kinds of texts herself, so I took it as her being on the same page as me about whether that was expected.

 

And that from the small stupid shit like that, that it just became a self-fulfilling prophecy of both of one of us misinterpreting something, causing the other person to act/react in a way that convinced us we were right, which then fed into the way we acted and the signals we gave back. Another one was that she had a guy friend staying by her place for a couple of nights while en route to some island in the Pacific. Turns out the guy's gay, as I found out last night, I didn't know that previously. But the night she mentioned the guy coming through town, I'd been planning on having the "is this exclusive" conversation, but decided to wait for another time after she mentioned the guy staying with her because I didn't want to come off as pscyho jealous boyfriend given we'd only been together, like, a month. Her side of it is basically that she wouldn't have taken it the wrong way and actually had wanted to have that kind of conversation. This fed into her feeling like things weren't as serious as she wanted and in turn led to her not being as proactive as I would have liked to have seen her be on making time for me in her schedule. But I didn't say anything because it's not like we weren't seeing each other, and I didn't want to come off as telling her to choose between me and her friends. Which apparently made her feel like she was right that I did not in fact want something more serious.

 

So like I said, a series of dumb easily-fixable communications breakdown, but with it now being at the point where she was basically saying she feels like it wouldn't have gone differently in terms of her getting to the point where she would have felt like it's fun and enjoyable to be around each other but that it wasn't clicking on much more than a superficial level, and me feeling like it only got to the point where she could feel like that because the early miscommunications snowballed into making her feel like that.

 

The most frustrating part is now I wish I'd talked about this with her in person over the weekend since at the start of the call she said she still only like 60/40 on feeling sure she'd made the right decision, and I think it would have been easier to get a more reasoned outcome on this in person as opposed to a phone call kind of setting the stage up-front of it being a goodbye with no expectation of trying to course-correct. Because having had the conversation, it felt like it was nothing that wasn't fixable. But it was driving me so up the wall that I didn't know if I was gonna make it to the weekend with my sanity intact. Plus I think I was just still a little too worked up last night to seize the opening on "now that we've had this conversation why don't we just both work on not biting our tongues"...I dunno. It's not as bad as this time yesterday but it still sucks. 

[Anathema-]

When you realize the fact that you didn't push in the moment indicates you weren't really feeling it you'll feel far more free.  Trust your instincts. Being mostly compatible with someone is just another way of being not compatible. Don't let it screw you up.

[Nokra]

Sorry to hear that, @Jason , that sounds pretty frustrating. It sounds like it would all have been quite avoidable with a bit of communication but nobody wanted to be pushy. I'm not sure I completely agree with Anathema about the "mostly compatible" thing. To some degree, yes, but there are always a few growing pains in a new relationship, as you both learn each others' communication styles, needs, etc.  On the other hand, if even after learning that it was mostly a communication issue she (or you) still doesn't want to continue, that doesn't give me much hope that it would work out. It could well just be that one or both of you simply isn't that in to it. 

 

In my own dating drama, I had been seeing this girl for a few weeks, actually spending quite a bit of time with her, and I was pretty excited about where it was going. Yesterday we met to talk and she told me that she had slept with an ex-boyfriend the day before. We hadn't explicitly had the "are we exclusive" conversation, but we talked about our expectations were and she knew damn well that something like that would hurt me and she did it anyway. I ended it on the spot; I want someone I can trust to look after my feelings and who is in to it as much as I am. So that's the end of that.  At least it was only a few weeks in, but it really sucks because I actually cared for this girl and was excited to see where it was going. Oh well.  

[Jason]

I see the point about "why didn't you fight for it in the moment", but I actually had to leave work early to go home yesterday because I was starting to literally hyperventilate and cry in my office. So I was kind of emotionally worn out by the time I actually spoke to her, which was around 24 hours after the text from her. So I'm not completely convinced it means anything that I didn't push back too hard on fighting for it given how drained I was. 

 

Plus when I finally evened out enough to try to call initially, she didn't pick up, so not being completely clearheaded yet I was trying to keep the tone calm and came up with sending a text of "just calling to talk about what happened, not to set up a time to meet" because I was still worked up enough to be like "oh great is she actually busy or is she getting cold feet on her offer to talk?" (she got back to me a couple of hours later and we talked then).

 

So I sort of opened with implying "not here to fight for this" with that one. Which isn't necessarily the stage I wanted to set, but it's the stage I set. I would have liked to have had more time to be more clear-headed when talking to her, but I was afraid of having another day like yesterday if I let it linger. Ideally I probably could have used more time to try to figure out if I was hyperventilating about her specifically or just the general shitiness of being abruptly dumped. 

 

31 minutes ago, Nokra said:

In my own dating drama, I had been seeing this girl for a few weeks, actually spending quite a bit of time with her, and I was pretty excited about where it was going. Yesterday we met to talk and she told me that she had slept with an ex-boyfriend the day before. We hadn't explicitly had the "are we exclusive" conversation, but we talked about our expectations were and she knew damn well that something like that would hurt me and she did it anyway. I ended it on the spot; I want someone I can trust to look after my feelings and who is in to it as much as I am. So that's the end of that.  At least it was only a few weeks in, but it really sucks because I actually cared for this girl and was excited to see where it was going. Oh well.  

 

Oof, that's shitty what people will justify just because you haven't explicitly had the talk. 

[Jason]

Now, if anything's pushing me toward letting it go it's her stated position of, basically, "we wouldn't have had the communications issues if we were meant to be, the communications issued are just a symptom of that". If she actually 100% means that and wasn't just trying to ease things into a resolution, then it's for the best, because it's not going to work anyhow if she doesn't see the point in trying to work out such an easily fixable relationship issue.

 

I guess I need to give it time and see if I'm still feeling this way next week to see if I still feel strongly about trying to salvage it. I still have her visitor parking pass in my car so I'm going to have to see her eventually either way to return it. 

[Anathema-]

There's also nothing wrong with pursuing it again if you decide you really want to. 

[Guest]

4 hours ago, Jason said:

Now, if anything's pushing me toward letting it go it's her stated position of, basically, "we wouldn't have had the communications issues if we were meant to be, the communications issued are just a symptom of that". If she actually 100% means that and wasn't just trying to ease things into a resolution, then it's for the best, because it's not going to work anyhow if she doesn't see the point in trying to work out such an easily fixable relationship issue.

 

My wife and I are celebrating our 15th wedding anniversary in November. We still have to work on communication...that’s just part of relationships.

 

Sounds like you dodged a bullet with it ending sooner rather than later, but I’m still sorry you are hurting.

[Commissar SFLUFAN]

And these are the reasons why I limit my deep emotional attachments to canines!

[b_m_b_m_b_m]

2 hours ago, SFLUFAN said:

And these are the reasons why I limit my deep emotional attachments to canines!

Counterpoint: I've never had a woman shit on my bed because I forgot about them

[Commissar SFLUFAN]

1 minute ago, b_m_b_m_b_m said:

Counterpoint: I've never had a woman shit on my bed because I forgot about them

However, I'm sure there are those who would provide such a service for a fee.

[Jason]

15 hours ago, sblfilms said:

 

My wife and I are celebrating our 15th wedding anniversary in November. We still have to work on communication...that’s just part of relationships.

 

Sounds like you dodged a bullet with it ending sooner rather than later, but I’m still sorry you are hurting.

 

Thanks. Today's a little better, but my appetite is still way down from the stress/upset. 

 

And she works at Amazon, which is not helping the "try not to constantly think about her" effort—two news stories on Amazon on my reddit front page, for example. Hard to just completely shut out Amazon from your consciousness.

[Anathema-]

 

[Nokra]

14 hours ago, Jason said:

 

Thanks. Today's a little better, but my appetite is still way down from the stress/upset. 

 

And she works at Amazon, which is not helping the "try not to constantly think about her" effort—two news stories on Amazon on my reddit front page, for example. Hard to just completely shut out Amazon from your consciousness.

It sucks right now, but you will find someone even better. Just keep yourself open to what else is out there while you're concentrating on yourself for a little while. You're a smart and funny dude, and you'll draw the right one to you when the time is right and it'll just flow naturally.

[marioandsonic]

They say it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.

 

I've never understood why people say that.

[RedSoxFan9]

 

[b_m_b_m_b_m]

33 minutes ago, RedSoxFan9 said:

 

I told you people he used to be one of us*

 

'Cept I know his ign username. Just as smug and condescending then as he is now.

 

 

*Or at least he was occasionally on the CEB, mostly on the Vestibule, IGNCB, and PCGB from what I recall.

[Kal-El814]

9 hours ago, marioandsonic said:

They say it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.

 

I've never understood why people say that.

Doesn’t matter, had sex. 

[marioandsonic]

2 hours ago, Kal-El814 said:

Doesn’t matter, had sex. 

Good point.

 

I've never had love.

[Dodger]

I need to get into Game of Thrones. Every damn Monday now it's all GoT talk at the office. I've seen 4 episodes and just haven't gotten into it.

 

I don't know how all your water coolers at the office are going but the early returns here is that GoT is getting way more talk than End Game. 

[Jason]

On 4/26/2019 at 11:57 PM, sblfilms said:

 

My wife and I are celebrating our 15th wedding anniversary in November. We still have to work on communication...that’s just part of relationships.

 

Sounds like you dodged a bullet with it ending sooner rather than later, but I’m still sorry you are hurting.

On 4/27/2019 at 3:33 PM, Jason said:

Thanks. Today's a little better, but my appetite is still way down from the stress/upset. 

 

And she works at Amazon, which is not helping the "try not to constantly think about her" effort—two news stories on Amazon on my reddit front page, for example. Hard to just completely shut out Amazon from your consciousness.

 

I know it's been less than a week but ugh, it feels like it's been a lot longer than that because of what a rollercoaster my emotions have been. I'm not completely overwhelmed like I was on Thursday, and I'm not TOTALLY dead like I was when I woke up on Friday, but I still feel numb and listless a lot of the time, and still feel like I'm forcing myself to eat a lot of the time. And again, I know it objectively hasn't been a very long time and that it's therefore not shocking to not be over it yet, but on top of still not being able to get how things went down out of my head, it feels like this sense of everything just dragging is creating this feedback loop of feeling like I can't stop feeling miserable that in turn is making me feel even more miserable.

[mclumber1]

For what it's worth, I met my wife on match.com 13 years ago.  That was at a time when online dating was still kind of "weird" and we both felt embarrassed telling people that is how we met.  I obviously haven't looked at those type of sites in a long time, but maybe you'll have some luck on doing something like for a rebound? 

 

 

 

[Jason]

It wasn't specifically Match, but that's how I met her. 

[Jason]

@sblfilms why confused as your reaction? 

[Joe]

Sorry to hear about your breakup Jason. I have been on your end of this situation so many times in my life. Hell, the night I met my wife I decided I needed to eat tacos at 5am because I had gone with my cousin and his girlfriend to some club, spent $100, and looked like a nerd that can't dance to the girls his girlfriend had brought to the club. But guess who passed by my favorite taco joint on 23rd street at 5am with her friends? My wife.

 

Don't second-guess yourself over dumb stuff like why didnt you send the "How's your day" texts. It's pointless and for all you know, the next girl you'll date won't be into that. 

[marioandsonic]

I should really get into the dating scene.  I'm so lonely.

 

But I just can't.  I have a huge fear of rejection.  Not to mention pretty much zero confidence and self-esteem.