DarkStar189 Posted January 5 Share Posted January 5 How did it go? Did it create any new problems or drama for you with other family members? Did it affect you mentally? Tried to make my story as brief as possible but still provide details: I’ve been dealing with a problematic grandmother for years and a few months ago, the dam finally broke and I couldn’t take it anymore. Now that she’s in her 80’s, she is an extremely bitter old woman. Definitely has some hint of dementia or something. Whatever makes you distrust everyone, make up lies constantly, always be the victim, etc. About 12 years ago, my grandmother’s neighbor wanted to move and sell their house asap to be closer to family. I got my foot in the door and bought the house. Perfect because it was affordable at the time and I could help out my g-ma anytime. She’s an old lady who was born Germany, i think 1942. Her family definitely had fears during the war with bombings and such. I think she came to America in her early 20’s. Back to now, she’s never liked my wife. Never seemed to have a good reason or any reason for that matter. For years I’ve dealt with little spats between her and my wife, always over dumb things. Still always ended up getting together on holidays and everybody put on a fake smile because “we are family”. Months leading up to September 2023 it all finally peaked. My aunt and cousin suddenly want nothing to do with me and I’m clueless. Who knows what was said. We found out she told at least 4 people that my wife is bipolar and won’t get treatment. Zero truth to it. We both confronted her about it face to face and she just lies. Puts on the most convincing face and just lies right to you. “She knew nothing about that. She would never say that”. After that we were done. We told my parents we will never get together when my g-ma or aunt and cousin are up anymore. We will have our own small get together for the holidays with my parents. It’s been very freeing to cut ties (even though she literally lives next door). I see her stumbling around outside from time to time but that’s the extent. My wife and I are both feeling a lot less stress in our lives and I’m wishing I would have made the choice sooner. I have listened to this lady for years just speak ill of anyone around her like neighbors and friends. I failed to realized she was talking the same about my wife and I the whole time. 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
best3444 Posted January 6 Share Posted January 6 I cut my older brother out earlier this year. It's ashame because he was basically my best friend after my twin died. But it needed to be done and my life is better for it. I'm glad you made a decision that freed you and your wife from stress and scrutiny. Life's too short to be dealing with bullshit you can control. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Biggie Posted January 6 Share Posted January 6 No I haven’t. But your Grandma sounds like a lovely person. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SmugPrick Posted January 6 Share Posted January 6 Funny you mention this....Ive been considering this with my dad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr.Vic20 Posted January 6 Share Posted January 6 So many times! Life is short, be with the people you love. Don't conform to what doesn't fit simple out of habit and the fear of loss. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fizzzzle Posted January 6 Share Posted January 6 Cut my mom out and then she died and I never said goodbye. Unfucking that shit has been.. a thing. She died in 2019 and I still have dreams about it all the time. 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CastlevaniaNut18 Posted January 6 Share Posted January 6 Cut out my husband's biological dad and half-sister from that side and pretty much every else on his dad's side. Though his sister did it for us, at least initially. Neither of us have had any real qualms about it. They're shit people. His dad is an alcoholic and all around asshole who left his mom when he was a toddler and never made much of an effort at being a dad and just kept making less of an effort over time. His mom remarried when he was young and that's who I call my father-in-law and who was an actual dad to my husband. His sister is my age and they had a pretty good relationship up until 2018, which was when we last spoke to her. I didn't care for her much, because she loves to stir up drama and she's a pathological liar who multiple times tried to instigate shit with me over the pettiest lies. But my husband got along with her and enjoyed seeing his nephews, so he'd visit her when I'd be working weekends a few times a year(they all live in Oklahoma a few hours away). Last visit seemed perfectly normal, I'd seen the texts she sent him saying she's glad he made it home safe and bring me out sometime, yada yada. Then she just stopped responding to him. Radio silence. A couple months later, I get a message from her husband on FB saying my husband isn't allowed at their house anymore due to some "sick things he said to my wife" on his last visit. First, I don't know her husband, I was not friends with him on FB and I'd met him once for all of 30 minutes before. He declines to say what this "sick thing" supposedly is, just telling me that I need to be careful and he's a bad person then blocks me. I message his sister asking wtf is going on and she basically does the same, saying I'm apparently depraved and need psychological help for being his wife. Again, neither of them even says wtf they're talking about. Then she blocks me. Neither of us have spoken to her since. Don't know anything about any of them out there and don't really care to. The oldest brother(who still lives by their mom in Arkansas) had cut off contact with her even before that and her older brother(from her mom) apparently had quit talking to her too, sometime before all this. So she jettisoned her relationship with the only brother who would have anything to do with her at that point. I think it's sad he can't see his nephews and they're probably gonna grow up thinking bad about their uncle, who they loved, but what can you do? She clearly has issues and we're better off without the drama. His stepmom is the only person to reach out and that was just once, during the tornadoes last year here. He responded we were fine and that was it. She's similar to her daughter with the drama stirring and has stayed with his dad, though he was abusive, so don't have much use for her either. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarkStar189 Posted January 6 Author Share Posted January 6 4 hours ago, Biggie said: No I haven’t. But your Grandma sounds like a lovely person. Years ago my grandma woke up to find that during the night, someone used sidewalk chalk and wrote inappropriate words on her driveway. Our kids played with sidewalk chalk at the time so she immediately accused my wife of doing it and called the police lol. Turned out to be the teenager living across the street who had a friend spend the night. He admitted it, we all laughed about it. We told her that and she never believed it. We stopped talking for about 3 months that time but I got sucked back in. Never again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keyser_Soze Posted January 6 Share Posted January 6 I have not but my mother's side (and Father's side now that I think about it) seems to have a history of this so maybe there is still some time for me! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarkStar189 Posted January 6 Author Share Posted January 6 @CastlevaniaNut18 I wish you and your husband the best. It definitely feels like a learning experience of when to keep putting in effort, and knowing when to draw the line and move on. I was fortunate enough to have an easy childhood. Seemed to be a perfect loving family. It was only when I got older I realized how broken people are, even my own parents. You never think a wedge is going to come between people so strongly. Sometimes for such petty or unexplainable reasons. The grandma next to me is my mom’s mother. With everything that has gone on over the last couple years leading up to this, they’ve never really been on my side. They always seem to maintain a neutral spot to not upset anyone. To put it bluntly, I’m pretty sure they just want to stay on her good side to stay in the will. My grandma is crazy enough to use that as leverage. Not sure why else you wouldn’t stand up for your own child (me) when your own mother is saying and doing horrible things. I don’t know. Just makes me see them in a different light. Going forward I’m using it as the example of how NOT to be with my kids. If my mom gets wacky in old age, I’ll be taking my children’s side. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Littleronin Posted January 6 Share Posted January 6 Yep my entire biological family on my mother's side and my half brother. It has gone great, I tried to be a nice person after my time in foster care and reconnect, it didn't work out and I am continuing to live my best life without their drama. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gamer.tv Posted January 6 Share Posted January 6 No, I’m really fortunate that my family isn’t very large, but it’s really good. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nokra Posted January 6 Share Posted January 6 I also have fortunately never had to cut out a family member, at least not entirely. Definitely have some aunts and uncles who I talked to less for a while when the COVID denial dumbassery was in full effect, but even that has subsided quite a bit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keyser_Soze Posted January 6 Share Posted January 6 7 hours ago, CastlevaniaNut18 said: His dad is an alcoholic and all around asshole who left his mom when he was a toddler and never made much of an effort at being a dad and just kept making less of an effort over time. I know this is a serious post but anyone else find this slightly confusing? His dad is an alcoholic that left his mom when he was a toddler - That's one hell of a toddler! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Biggie Posted January 6 Share Posted January 6 7 hours ago, DarkStar189 said: Years ago my grandma woke up to find that during the night, someone used sidewalk chalk and wrote inappropriate words on her driveway. Our kids played with sidewalk chalk at the time so she immediately accused my wife of doing it and called the police lol. Turned out to be the teenager living across the street who had a friend spend the night. He admitted it, we all laughed about it. We told her that and she never believed it. We stopped talking for about 3 months that time but I got sucked back in. Never again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TUFKAK Posted January 6 Share Posted January 6 Yes, every single Trump supporter following 1/6 including my birth giver. You get used to it and you stop caring eventually. 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zaku3 Posted January 7 Share Posted January 7 Gave up on my father and my ex-wife. My ex isn't evil but she hurt me too much to want to have her back in my life and my father is the same. I don't care to put in the effort for my ex and my father is the person I used to be. I don't care to put in the effort. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
best3444 Posted January 7 Share Posted January 7 On 1/6/2024 at 11:59 AM, TUFKAK said: Yes, every single Trump supporter following 1/6 including my birth giver. You get used to it and you stop caring eventually. Um, you cut off your family members because they support Trump. Yikes... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gamer.tv Posted January 7 Share Posted January 7 34 minutes ago, best3444 said: Um, you cut off your family members because they support Trump. Yikes... I mean, you’d cut off people that are pro Satan and he isn’t that far off… 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheLeon Posted January 7 Share Posted January 7 32 minutes ago, best3444 said: Um, you cut off your family members because they support Trump. Yikes... Still supporting Trump specifically after Jan 6, I get it. That implies a certain level of zealotry that I wouldn’t want to deal with either. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
best3444 Posted January 7 Share Posted January 7 7 minutes ago, TheLeon said: Still supporting Trump specifically after Jan 6, I get it. That implies a certain level of zealotry that I wouldn’t want to deal with either. Well it shouldn't ruin a family. It's only politics we are talkin about. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheLeon Posted January 7 Share Posted January 7 Jan 6 goes a little beyond “just politics”, but whatever. Great President, cool guy, 2024 let’s go. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Biggie Posted January 7 Share Posted January 7 Once again another perfectly good thread topic derailed because some of you can’t evict Trump from living rent free in your heads. Smh 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TUFKAK Posted January 8 Share Posted January 8 11 hours ago, best3444 said: Um, you cut off your family members because they support Trump. Yikes... Yep, this Marine takes insurrection pretty seriously. They can enjoy their bubble, I’ll enjoy a lifestyle they’ll never have with the family I choose. 🥰 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jason Posted January 8 Share Posted January 8 violent insurrection is just politics, herpaderp Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nokra Posted January 8 Share Posted January 8 1 hour ago, Jason said: violent insurrection is just politics, herpaderp Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GoldenTongue Posted January 9 Share Posted January 9 It feels as though my wife (and me, by extension) are gradually cutting her mother out of our lives - it may not be wholly a complete cutoff, but contact is being reduced more and more over time. It's weighed on me at times, partly because it was an incident regarding me that somewhat represented the final straw (so I can't help but feel some responsibility, even though Shea made the decision on her own and I've never tried to influence her either way), but the issues with her mom (and dad, to some lesser extent) go back into her childhood and teenage years. It's really unfortunate, as her mother is a deeply unhappy woman, but her inability to cope with whatever issues are causing her unhappiness have turned her into a deeply narcissistic person who is unable to see beyond her own needs/wants, and incapable of recognizing her role in the problematic dynamics which exist within the family. But I often experience a strong reaction to any idea of willfully and consciously severing ties with someone else in one's family. My father passed away about 21 years ago from complications of diabetes. He and I had an extremely difficult relationship growing up, to the point that I almost cut him out entirely. Thankfully, we were able to resolve some of the differences, and while we never really addressed the problems we'd had earlier, we ended up having a pretty positive relationship in the last few years of his life. And while I still struggle at times with feelings of responsibility for his death (it couldn't be confirmed, but the nursing home staff believed he may have died of an insulin overdose, the night after he and I had had an incredibly difficult and painful discussion about what his future might look like), I'm incredibly grateful for the time we got before he passed, and I can't imagine how much worse my feelings might have been had that not been the case. Which is not to pass any judgement at all to those who've felt and/or acted on the need to cut off a family member - my circumstances are my own, and I wouldn't try to project them to others whose experiences are wildly divergent from my own. But that doesn't change the fact that there is that part of me that wants to implore others to consider how short life can be, and to "do more" to make the most of the time we have with family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
best3444 Posted January 9 Share Posted January 9 On 1/7/2024 at 1:57 PM, Biggie said: Once again another perfectly good thread topic derailed because some of you can’t evict Trump from living rent free in your heads. Smh So true. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TUFKAK Posted January 12 Share Posted January 12 On 1/9/2024 at 9:19 AM, best3444 said: So true. Nah, I evicted my traitorous genetic similars from my life like Trump was evicted from the White House though. Brutus Condemning His Sons to Death - Wikipedia EN.M.WIKIPEDIA.ORG Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
best3444 Posted January 12 Share Posted January 12 4 hours ago, TUFKAK said: Nah, I evicted my traitorous genetic similars from my life like Trump was evicted from the White House though. Brutus Condemning His Sons to Death - Wikipedia EN.M.WIKIPEDIA.ORG He'll most likely be president this year so I'd move to one of the countries you visit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Biggie Posted January 12 Share Posted January 12 5 minutes ago, best3444 said: He'll most likely be president this year so I'd move to one of the countries you visit. Nah it’ll never happen. The establishment won’t allow it. We need somebody young with new and fresh ideas. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AbsolutSurgen Posted January 12 Share Posted January 12 I have never cut a member of my family out of my life. However, my aunt became estranged from her brothers after dealing with the will from their parents estate. My brother (substance abuse problems) has estranged himself from everybody (including his son). I've never had an issue having drinks or dinner with someone who has very different politics than me. That said, I don't have any family members spouting hate on the streets or fire-bombing synagogues either. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
best3444 Posted January 12 Share Posted January 12 I'm just hoping Trump would be re-elected to witness the boards reactions. It would be extremely amusing for me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bacon Posted January 12 Share Posted January 12 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keyser_Soze Posted January 12 Share Posted January 12 A great reason to elect a bad president, for the lulz. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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