The American Academy of Pediatrics takes a firm stance against hitting your kids

[CastlevaniaNut18]

https://www.nbcnews.com/health/health-news/here-s-what-spanking-does-kids-none-it-good-doctors-n931306

 

I refuse to use the term "spanking" as it's just a euphemism. I was routinely hit as a child, but my mom took it to another level. It didn't help me and I definitely struggle with my aggression as an adult. I get violently angry and it takes work to control it. I wonder if my childhood had anything to do with it? It's also part of the reason I don't want kids.

 

I actually wonder what most of the parents who post here do.

[osxmatt]

My wife and I are expecting our first child next month, and we've always been against "spanking" (been together since 2009 and married since 2016).

 

I hate to bring it all back to social media, but some of the most toxic posts I see are news and medical organizations sharing research and data on the dangers of spanking, and 90% of the comments are people saying spanking raises respectful people.

[b_m_b_m_b_m]

We refuse to spank. It's so much easier to control my little one by picking her up, asking her to "calm her body" and then try to explain what is wrong. Between that and limiting tv/screen time, she's great for two years old. I know it will be different when she's older but the point remains.

[CastlevaniaNut18]

4 minutes ago, osxmatt said:

My wife and I are expecting our first child next month, and we've always been against "spanking" (been together since 2009 and married since 2016).

 

I hate to bring it all back to social media, but some of the most toxic posts I see are news and medical organizations sharing research and data on the dangers of spanking, and 90% of the comments are people saying spanking raises respectful people.

Yeah, don't read the comments section. These people think your kid will turn into a serial killer if you don't hit them when they're young.

[Chris-]

The seniors at our school have to do an independent study for their capstone project, and a few years ago one of them did a meta-analysis of studies that looked at spanking. Her oral presentation was one of the ballsiest things I've ever seen.

[CitizenVectron]

4 minutes ago, Chris- said:

The seniors at our school have to do an independent study for their capstone project, and a few years ago one of them did a meta-analysis of studies that looked at spanking. Her oral presentation was one of the ballsiest things I've ever seen.

 

How so? I'd love to hear how it went, the reaction of the students, and the reaction of the teacher(s).

[CastlevaniaNut18]

I still have scars on the backs of my hands from my mom's favorite "spanking" tool, a fiberglass board. It's instinctive to put your hands behind you to try to block the blows coming at your legs. 

[Guest]

I don’t spank my kids, but I don’t have any militant opposition to those who do. You definitely don’t have to spank your kid to teach them respect. My kids are incredibly well behaved  

[CastlevaniaNut18]

I think there's enough evidence that anyone who believes in science should be firmly in the don't-hit-your-kids camp.

[Firewithin]

15 minutes ago, CastlevaniaNut18 said:

I still have scars on the backs of my hands from my mom's favorite "spanking" tool, a fiberglass board. It's instinctive to put your hands behind you to try to block the blows coming at your legs. 

fiberglass?  jfc  

[CastlevaniaNut18]

1 minute ago, Firewithin said:

fiberglass?  jfc  

I could be using the wrong word, but I think that's what it was. It was this thick piece of clear, hard plastic. The edges were sharp and hard, not rounded or anything. If it went on too long and I resisted, she'd throw me to the floor and sit on me. She liked to go for the backs of my calves/thighs, rather than my butt. This went on through most of my teen years. She also liked to backhand my face if I "got smart" with her. I might have even been in my 20s the last time she hit me. I got old enough and knocked her ass to the ground, linebacker style, a  few times before she finally quit. Then, of course, she tried to guilt me for giving her bruises from that.

[marioandsonic]

I was spanked as a kid, and I would not wish to recreate that experience with my kids.

 

Of course, the most ludicrous part of that is assuming I'll ever have kids.

[ort]

I have kids and spanking them would be so great. I want to beat their asses daily. 

 

That said, we don’t. But man, it sure would make things easier in the short run. 

[stepee]

I would never spank my own kids, but I have no problem spanking kids that aren’t mine.

[Greatoneshere]

I was thoroughly beaten by both of my parents (father far more so) growing up. When I say beat, I mean - beat. Spanking sounds like a hilarious idea that would have been a kindness compared to the beatings I received.

 

A slap here or there maybe I can understand, but I am firmly in the don't beat your kids camp. I hated it and wouldn't wish that on anyone. It lasted for years until I became too smart and bigger than my parents in my late teen years. But I felt like I was walking on eggshells in my own home for years growing up. It was horrifying. It is a very hard thing to get over as an adult. I have, but I'm lucky compared to many who were raised similarly. There are better methods of teaching proper behavior, trust me. 

[CastlevaniaNut18]

1 minute ago, Greatoneshere said:

I was thoroughly beaten by both of my parents (father far more so) growing up. When I say beat, I mean - beat. Spanking sounds like a hilarious idea that would have been a kindness compared to the beatings I received.

 

A slap here or there maybe I can understand, but I am firmly in the don't beat your kids camp. I hated it and wouldn't wish that on anyone. It lasted for years until I became too smart and bigger than my parents in my late teen years. But I felt like I was walking on eggshells in my own home for years growing up. It was horrifying. It is a very hard thing to get over as an adult. I have, but I'm lucky compared to many who were raised similarly. There are better methods of teaching proper behavior, trust me. 

Except the studies don't really draw a distinction between "spanking" and "beating." Best advice, don't hit your kids. The outcomes aren't good. If you have to resort to hitting your kids, you've failed as a parent. I can get parents of generations past who didn't know any better, but the evidence is clear and plentiful now. There's no reason to ignore it.

[Greatoneshere]

3 minutes ago, CastlevaniaNut18 said:

Except the studies don't really draw a distinction between "spanking" and "beating." Best advice, don't hit your kids. The outcomes aren't good. If you have to resort to hitting your kids, you've failed as a parent. I can get parents of generations past who didn't know any better, but the evidence is clear and plentiful now. There's no reason to ignore it.

 

I totally agree.

 

I meant more like I understand if you couldn't help it and let a slap happen as an accident due to your failure as a parent "in the moment". I won't jump down a parents' throat if you slapped your kids twice in their entire youth. I didn't mean as a teaching tool, my bad. I hate beating your kids, it's like bullying. It's pathetic. I should have been more clear heh. 

[Spawn_of_Apathy]

Yep, so many respectful, well behaved, decent, un-spanked children out there. I simply do not buy that spanking can't be an effective tool. It doesn't have to be done at the slightest provocation, but if it's also not on the table you have one less thing the child is worries about when it comes to repercussions for their actions.  Discipline begins with fear of getting in trouble. 

 

The fear of something getting them spanked can be more effective than doing it every time they misbehave. Too much and it can feel almost unavoidable, and be ultimately pointless. 

 

Any punishment if improperly applied can have the wrong results. 

 

There are so many things that can have ill effects to a child's personality. Most of it are when things are not in moderation. Spankings or no, I have also seen too many parents spend more energy trying to be their child's friend than their parent. The result is often a child that doesn't value or respect anything. Too far in the other direction and same results. 

[CastlevaniaNut18]

You can discipline your child without using physical violence. Plenty of people do. 

[Spawn_of_Apathy]

Just now, CastlevaniaNut18 said:

You can discipline your child without using physical violence. Plenty of people do. 

I'm not saying you can't. I just don't think it's and all in or nothing type of thing. Plenty of people do and without scaring the kid either. Much like some people aren't even suitable to be parents in the first place. They are neither mature enough, selfless enough, have the right temperament, or have the ability to change their priorities accordingly. 

 

I'm not saying every child should get spanked at least once. But there are some that could use it at least once. Just as there are some that did, but it went way too far, or was over used. 

 

Positive reinforcement amd treats of over used can have the wrong affect too. Causing, spoiled, entitled kids, that can even become cold and blind to the hardships of other, because it doesm't affect them. Nobody is saying to not spoil your kid every once in a while and do nice things for them. 

[CastlevaniaNut18]

If the science is clear that it's harmful to children and there are other options, I don't see why anyone would hit their children, unless they're just mean, ignorant, or both. 

[DarkStar189]

I'm fortunate to have 2 kids that for the most part, have always been very well behaved. My daughter will be 5 in a few months and for whatever reason is just now starting to try and push the limits. Its never come to spanking and never will. My wife said she would "get the belt" if she was really bad as a kid. She admits it may have instilled some type of fear in her at the time, but looking back it never stopped her from doing the bad things to begin with. It was more of a "oh shit i messed up, my dad is going to come after me now". 

@CastlevaniaNut18  just curious, do you have much of a relationship with your mom now? It sounds like you had it pretty rough at times. Just wondering if you are on good terms now or if you cut ties completely, etc.... 

[CastlevaniaNut18]

16 minutes ago, DarkStar189 said:

I'm fortunate to have 2 kids that for the most part, have always been very well behaved. My daughter will be 5 in a few months and for whatever reason is just now starting to try and push the limits. Its never come to spanking and never will. My wife said she would "get the belt" if she was really bad as a kid. She admits it may have instilled some type of fear in her at the time, but looking back it never stopped her from doing the bad things to begin with. It was more of a "oh shit i messed up, my dad is going to come after me now". 

@CastlevaniaNut18  just curious, do you have much of a relationship with your mom now? It sounds like you had it pretty rough at times. Just wondering if you are on good terms now or if you cut ties completely, etc.... 

Our relationship is...not great. She apologized for the beatings but I don't think she really understands what she did and I think she'd do it all over again if she got the chance. She knows she can't hit me anymore, but now she uses her words to hurt me. She did that before, too. 

I still see her, but it's like walking on eggshells. I never know which version of he I'll get. I'm actually going to visit my family later this week, it'll be the first time I've seen them in 6 months.

[RedSoxFan9]

This is good

[Spawn_of_Apathy]

30 minutes ago, DarkStar189 said:

I'm fortunate to have 2 kids that for the most part, have always been very well behaved. My daughter will be 5 in a few months and for whatever reason is just now starting to try and push the limits. Its never come to spanking and never will. My wife said she would "get the belt" if she was really bad as a kid. She admits it may have instilled some type of fear in her at the time, but looking back it never stopped her from doing the bad things to begin with. It was more of a "oh shit i messed up, my dad is going to come after me now". 

@CastlevaniaNut18  just curious, do you have much of a relationship with your mom now? It sounds like you had it pretty rough at times. Just wondering if you are on good terms now or if you cut ties completely, etc.... 

I was spanked plenty as a kid. My sister only got spanked once. I think my getting spanked messed with her head more than it did mine. 

 

I'm not gonna say getting spanked kept me from misbehaving. It didn't. Some of the time I did something thinking I could get away with it and got caught, other times I just didn't think that much of it. Though when I got too old to spank I pushed the limits a lot more on trying to sneak around to get away with stuff. Mostly circumventing some type of grounding. 

 

Now, as far as I can remember I deserved every spanking I got. Some times when I think back on moments I find them hysterical. My family all still laugh about some of it. 

 

That being said, I was always very fearful on what my dad would do if I did something really bad. It os why I never shop lifted from a store. I never drove drunk in high school. I don't know what would have happened, but I did not want to find out. 

 

But I trusted my dad. When I was over at a friend'a house we got a little rough in our play and out a huge hole in the drywall on the staircase. I went to my dad and told him what happened. I got scolded, but he helped us patch up the wall, and even ran interference with my friends' dad to keep him from blowing up over it. 

[johnny]

i got spanked a few times but not that much. i didnt start misbehaving until i was in high school. 

 

my mom is def one of those "whats wrong with the world is parents dont spank their kids anymore" type of person. i dont think my dad really is, but he was always the "We're gonna have a serious talk about what you did" type person. 

[outsida]

6 hours ago, CastlevaniaNut18 said:

Yeah, don't read the comments section. These people think your kid will turn into a serial killer if you don't hit them when they're young.

I don’t think you can find a serial killer that wasn’t ‘spanked’ as a child. 

[CastlevaniaNut18]

My mom would probably tell me I turned out okay and I was spanked.

 

She really has no idea what I continue to struggle with. And I can't talk to her about it.

[Snaynay1]

My mom refuses to this day to remember her watching my father beat me with a fucken wooden cooking spoon.

[Guest]

I think I got spanked maybe 3 or 4 times from an age that I can actually remember. It was usually my preferred punishment because it was always my mom who delivered it and she couldn’t bring herself to do it with any real force. I was waaaay more afraid of having a talk with my dad because the feeling of dissapointing him was much worse than mom’s light swat on the leg.

 

But then I hear stories of outright ohysical

abuse and it makes me so sad. Children should feel the most safety and security with their parents and it just kills me that so many kids don’t have that because their parents have been so poorly trained on how to effectively parent.

[Remarkableriots]

I was only spanked a couple times when I was growing up and I remember being paddled by the principal in grade school. Most of the time I was sent to my room or sent to corner to think about what I did.