Meet the Republican Millennials in Congress

[Fizzzzle]

So, this started out as a reply in another thread and before I knew it I had spent 2 hours watching and reading campaign footage and reading congressional votes, so I thought it would deserve its own thread. Here it is

 

  

15 hours ago, Uaarkson said:

White baby boomers aren’t a static group, they’re slowly disappearing. The real problem of course is that alternate reality news programming is now hard-baked into that “side” of society. Only time will tell how much of it sticks with the younger generations.

Of the 31 millennials in congress as of next term, 17 of them are Republicans. 

 

Bryan Steil (Wisconsin) is a religious corporate shill who used to work for Paul Ryan before entering public office himself. He has mostly been a full maga-tard, but in the two votes that were held in the House since the election, he actually went against Trump's positions, for whatever that means. He did not support Texas v. Pennsylvania.

 

Lance Gooden (Texas) is one of the House reps that signed the amicus brief in Texas v. Pennsylvania. He has voted against Trump a total of 3 times, and one of those times was to vote against covid relief. In short, a dick.

 

Anthony Gonzalez (Ohio) is a former NFL player. He has been a full Trumper except, like Bryan Steil, for the two votes held since the election. Honestly I think it's kind of hard to get a read on what his actual beliefs are, if he even has any. He's just a "manufacturing jobs, byah!" guy.

 

Madison Cawthorn (North Carolina) ... Dear God. So, he's 25. Not that that is necessarily the worst thing, but when I was 25 I was so deep into cocaine and strippers I could probably have gone somewhere with that analogy but I can't now because my brain is damaged. Anyway, he basically won the election this year by out-Naziing the competition. There was a controversy from him posting a picture on Instagram from Germany in which he called Hitler "my fuhrher" or something along those lines. When he won the election, he tweeted "cry more, lib." He's also said something about it being bad for working for "non-white males trying to ruin white males running for office." Basically, he's a full on white nationalist. If you're wondering who voted for this fucker, it's the westernmost end of North Carolina. Hillbilly country. 90% white. Fuck him and his wheelchair (he's a paraplegic who looks like a total Chad, I'm just spitballing here, but I'm guessing he's developed his racist identity over the last few years since his dick doesn't work anymore and he's mad that he has to get cucked by a big ol' BBC so his girlfriend can be satisfied)

 

Elise Stefanik (New York) ... Honestly isn't that bad, as far as Republicans go. In the past 2 years, she's voted against Trump's position a third of the time.  She's not a climate change denier, she doesn't mind if people have abortions, she's pro net neutrality, she opposed the Muslim ban... I mean, other than the fact that she doesn't want people to have healthcare and may or may not hate people with high melanin content (allegedly), she'd almost be considered liberal. But I have also spent the past hour reading policy decisions by Republicans, so my bias is probably pretty skewed by now. Oh and she supported Texas v. Pennsylvania, so that makes her a little bit of a traitor. She's just a reasonable traitor.

 

Andrew Garbarino (New York) just won an open election in a battleground district in Long Island. I don't know much about him, but I'm presuming he can't be that radical. I guess we'll see.

 

Jake LaTurner (Kansas) is a former state legislator, who primaried the incumbent Republican. As a state legislator, he was for congressional term limits (we'll see how long that lasts), but was also like "don't increase property taxes and let people carry guns wherever they want." So a bit of a defending the privileges of rich white people stuff. Also a full on Trumper. His congressional seat used to be held by Steve Watkins, who was embroiled in a bit of controversy, so LaTurner came in and was like "look how shiny and not full of allegations of voter fraud and sexual assault I am, also #MAGA." 

 

Ashley Hinson (Iowa) flipped a battleground district in Iowa. I've just spent the last 15 minutes or so watching stuff from her campaign (kill me), and she had the most bland shit ever. "Rebuild America's greatest economy!" "Fight for our families!" "Do you want socialism or freedom?" "We need common sense in congress!" Like, basically the most standard conservative talking points she could rip from Fox News.

 

Trey Hollingsworth (Indiana) is one of the wealthiest members of congress, having an estimated net worth of $50 million. He calls himself a "small business owner." Mmmm, so small. Yes, he comes from money. As far as I can tell, he's the typical "God is good, abortions are bad, tax cuts for the rich I mean small businesses, amen" Republicans. He also signed onto Texas v. Pennsylvania.

 

Kat Cammack (Florida) Just took over a seat after the incumbent retired. She's full MAGA, there's really not much else to say. She is in favor of congressional term limits, though, but I'm always suspicious of that. Ask her again in 10 years.

 

Matt Gaetz (Florida) is an absolute ass hat. He comes from money, he's an absolute chud, and is pretty unabashedly racist. In defending the death penalty, he said "only God can judge, but we can sure set up the meeting." Of course he signed onto Texas v. Pennsylvania. Fuck Matt Gaetz and anyone who loves him.

 

Lauren Boebert (Colorado) is... pretty hot. Okay can we for ONCE not make it about a woman's sex appeal?! Christ. But I would totally fuck her. Except  h o l y c h r i s t is she radical. She owns a restaurant called Shooters Grill, in a town called Rifle, Colorado, where the servers carry guns when they bring shit to your table. She has wavered back and forth about whether she is a follower of qAnon, which means of course she fucking does, it's a simple fucking question. She campaigned on basically being the "anti-AOC."

 

Dan Crenshaw (Texas) has an eyepatch. We all know Dan Crenshaw. We all love Dan Crenshaw. The man every elder man with erectile disfunction that spends his nights reading Tom Clancy novels after his wife passed out from 2 bottles of wine and an oxy wishes he could be. 'Murica. Of course he signed onto Texas v. Pennsylvania. He loves his country so much he would fight to betray it.

 

Guy Reschenthaler (Pennsylvania) was a Navy attorney, which seems like a weird career choice. I guess it's like military doctors where they do it because the government pays off their student loans. Mmmm, for an avowed not-racist-person, he sure does like to associate with a lot of avowed racists. He signed onto Texas v. Pennsylvania, which, yes, was him saying that the election that he himself was elected from was rigged. Galaxy brain moves. He's voted lock step with Trump at 94%.

 

Mike Gallagher (Wisconsin) was a Marine Corps intelligence officer. He's fluent in Arabic and has two masters degrees in strategery, plus a PhD in government. He'll follow along with Trump up to a point. Like the firing of James Comey or denial in Russian interference, where he was like "hol'up." But, for the most part, he's pretty lock-step. Fuck health care, fuck higher minimum wages, fuck your mom in particular, I just want another war in the middle-east. He did NOT sign onto Texas v. Pennsylvania. Mike Gallagher may be a dick, but he loves his country.

 

Peter Meijer (Michigan) is the grandson of the founder of the Meijer supermarket chain. He is also one of the wealthiest members of congress, listing assets of over $50 million. His family has billions. He served in the army, where someone got him a cushy job as an intelligence advisor. He has never held public office before, but given what you know about him, what do you think he'll do?

 

William Timmons (South Carolina) is an officer in the Air National Guard, which, let's be honest, is basically the bare minimum of being able to pass off "I served my country." But whatever, it's more than I've done (not that I think it's a prerequisite for anything, soldiers aren't heroes, etc etc etc). He's full MAGA. He campaigned on "drain the swamp." He signed Texas vs. Pennsylvania, so he's also a traitor.

[osxmatt]

I would love to see some photographs of this diverse bunch.

[Captain Pickle]

Came in for the punchable photos

[Joestradamus]

Cawthorn's gf probably gets railed when he aint lookin'. She's damn gorgeous.

[Fizzzzle]

1 minute ago, osxmatt said:

I would love to see some photographs of this diverse bunch.

I got you, fam (spoiler they're all white except for Gonzalez who is only like half white, but you knew that already)

 

Bryan Steil (Wisconsin, 39, single and ready to mingle)

Spoiler

 

 

Lance Gooden (Texas, 38, married with children)

Spoiler

 

 

Anthony Gonzalez (Ohio, 36, married with children and also rich)

Spoiler

 

Madison Cawthorn (North Carolina, 25, engaged but open for cucking opportunities since his dick probably doesn't work, not that there's anything wrong with that)

Spoiler

 

 

Elise Stefanik (New York, 36, married but no kids, so does that even count?)

Spoiler

 

 

Andrew Garbarino (New York, 36, he keeps it mysterious)

Spoiler

 

 

Jake LaTurner (Kansas, 32, married unfortunately for us)

Spoiler

 

 

Ashley Hinson (Iowa, 37, married with 2 children and probably owner of THE WHITEST picket fence)

Spoiler

 

 

Trey Hollingsworth (Indiana, 37, married but it was probably for money so down to grab some pussy if you're up for it)

Spoiler

 

 

Kat Cammack (Florida, 32, married to a guy who regrets that decision)

Spoiler

 

 

Matt Gaetz (Florida, 38, he "adopted" his ex's younger brother when he was 12... we'll leave that there, stay away from this piece of shit)

Spoiler

 

 

Lauren Boebert (Colorado, 34, married with wait FOUR KIDS?! WITH HER WAIST?!)

Spoiler

 

 

Dan Crenshaw (Texas, 36, married to his wife and your dad)

Spoiler

 

 

Guy Reschenthaler (Pennsylvania, 37, single and down to f.u.c.k. if you want it)

Spoiler

 

Mike Gallagher (Wisconsin, 36, married to the flag, but also to his wife, but mostly the flag)

Spoiler

 

Peter Meijer (Michigan, 32, he's married but damn look at that majestic red hair and those millions of dollars)

Spoiler

 

William Timmons (South Carolina, 36, married but feels like he could have done better)

Spoiler

 

[Jason]

56 minutes ago, Fizzzzle said:

Elise Stefanik (New York) ... Honestly isn't that bad, as far as Republicans go. In the past 2 years, she's voted against Trump's position a third of the time.  She's not a climate change denier, she doesn't mind if people have abortions, she's pro net neutrality, she opposed the Muslim ban... I mean, other than the fact that she doesn't want people to have healthcare and may or may not hate people with high melanin content (allegedly), she'd almost be considered liberal. But I have also spent the past hour reading policy decisions by Republicans, so my bias is probably pretty skewed by now. Oh and she supported Texas v. Pennsylvania, so that makes her a little bit of a traitor. She's just a reasonable traitor.

 

You missed the part where she went full retard on Trump's impeachment.

[Mr.Vic20]

34 minutes ago, osxmatt said:

I would love to see some photographs of this diverse bunch.

[Uaarkson]

I feel like this is more of a reflection on the failures of Dem leadership to cultivate a younger generation of leaders than an indication of some kind of conservative slant among millennials in the larger population. But what do I know, I’m from like the bluest county in the Midwest.

[Jason]

2 minutes ago, Uaarkson said:

I feel like this is more of a reflection on the failures of Dem leadership to cultivate a younger generation of leaders than an indication of some kind conservative slant among millennials in the larger population. But what do I know, I from the bluest county in the Midwest.

 

Democrats never retire and are absolutely vicious about preventing attempts to shake things up. Republicans are in a never-ending cycle of purity self-purges, which does have the upshot for them of creating a steady churn of new faces.

[Fizzzzle]

2 minutes ago, Jason said:

 

Democrats never retire and are absolutely vicious about preventing attempts to shake things up. Republicans are in a never-ending cycle of purity self-purges, which does have the upshot for them of creating a steady churn of new faces.

A lot of the reps in this thread primaried an incumbent or took over for someone who retired. Democrats never retire and unseating a Dem incumbent is incredibly hard.

[Chairslinger]

3 hours ago, osxmatt said:

I would love to see some photographs of this diverse bunch.

 

3 hours ago, Captain Pickle said:

Came in for the punchable photos

 

 

 

[b_m_b_m_b_m]

So many big-time "unexpected" deaths causing a fuck up in "the plan" could easily be prevented by an appropriate retirement. Ted kennedy (denied Dems a supermajority for 8 months), RBG (obviously) and the ticking time bomb that is the house leadership, not to mention David souter is getting up there too.

 

Just retire you fucking fucks.

[thewhyteboar]

11 minutes ago, b_m_b_m_b_m said:

So many big-time "unexpected" deaths causing a fuck up in "the plan" could easily be prevented by an appropriate retirement. Ted kennedy (denied Dems a supermajority for 8 months), RBG (obviously) and the ticking time bomb that is the house leadership, not to mention David souter is getting up there too.

 

Just retire you fucking fucks.

Retire? In our moment of triumph?

[b_m_b_m_b_m]

6 minutes ago, thewhyteboar said:

Retire? In our moment of triumph?

It's the end of history after all!

[Joe]

28 minutes ago, b_m_b_m_b_m said:

So many big-time "unexpected" deaths causing a fuck up in "the plan" could easily be prevented by an appropriate retirement. Ted kennedy (denied Dems a supermajority for 8 months), RBG (obviously) and the ticking time bomb that is the house leadership, not to mention David souter is getting up there too.

 

Just retire you fucking fucks.

 

 

Quote

During the many years they served together as associate justices on the U.S. Supreme Court, Stephen G. Breyer ’64 and David H. Souter ’66 were often mistaken for each other by members of the public. But the mixup reached an amusing apogee about a decade ago, when Breyer was invited to lunch by Justice Sandra Day O’Connor’s clerks, when one clerk asked him, “Are you and Justice Breyer often confused?”

 

Justices Breyer and Souter reminisce on law school and High Court experience - Harvard Law Today | Harvard Law Today

TODAY.LAW.HARVARD.EDU

---

<p>At HLS Reunion Weekend last weekend, Justices Breyer and Souter (who retired from the court in 2009) exchanged good-humored banter and insights about their service on the nation’s highest court, in an event, “A Conversation with the Justices,” moderated by HLS Dean Martha Minow.</p>

 

[b_m_b_m_b_m]

22 minutes ago, Joe said:

 

 

 

Justices Breyer and Souter reminisce on law school and High Court experience - Harvard Law Today | Harvard Law Today

TODAY.LAW.HARVARD.EDU

---

<p>At HLS Reunion Weekend last weekend, Justices Breyer and Souter (who retired from the court in 2009) exchanged good-humored banter and insights about their service on the nation’s highest court, in an event, “A Conversation with the Justices,” moderated by HLS...

 

I stand by my comment! This only validates me

[Ricofoley]

I don't know who all of these people are yet, but Madison Cawthorn is going to be absolutely insufferable. Already is.

 

 

[thewhyteboar]

1 minute ago, Ricofoley said:

I don't know who all of these people are yet, but Madison Cawthorn is going to be absolutely insufferable. Already is.

 

 

Cawthorn is a racist Nazi-loving twerp. I hope he shoots his nuts off in a hunting accident.

[b_m_b_m_b_m]

We've got 50+ years of his dumb ass unless he has a hunting accident

 

He's young enough and tv friendly enough to have a nice long healthy career on fnc or onn or something like that

[Jason]

Isn't Cawthorn already a cripple?

[MarSolo]

Where’s the brave soul that could easily push him into a pool?

[run32.dll]

The problem was never generational. There will always be young people joining the machinations of the class war. You could gather every baby boomer on an island and carpet bomb them out of existence. A year later we'll have all of the same material problems.

[b_m_b_m_b_m]

13 minutes ago, run32.dll said:

The problem was never generational. There will always be young people joining the machinations of the class war. You could gather every baby boomer on an island and carpet bomb them out of existence. A year later we'll have all of the same material problems.

The world will never run out of reactionaries. In a world where there are no Republicans, there will be the centrist democrats who, as it turns out, will fight progress tooth and nail. 

[run32.dll]

4 minutes ago, b_m_b_m_b_m said:

The world will never run out of reactionaries. In a world where there are no Republicans, there will be the centrist democrats who, as it turns out, will fight progress tooth and nail. 

Yes. The distinction between mosquitoes, leeches, and ticks is not important. What is important is that they suck my blood and offer nothing in return.

[Greatoneshere]

45 minutes ago, run32.dll said:

The problem was never generational. There will always be young people joining the machinations of the class war. You could gather every baby boomer on an island and carpet bomb them out of existence. A year later we'll have all of the same material problems.

 

It couldn't hurt to try anyway.