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What are your dating red flags?

Fizzzzle

By Fizzzzle
in The Shower

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TUFKAK

TUFKAK

Posted
Posted
2 hours ago, Fizzzzle said:

There's a part of me that would rather hang out with someone who's all "god, guns, doritos" than someone who's into astrology and crystals and such.

 

Astrology is just religion for beginners, you cowards.

No

 

i refuse to even talk to the first, I can tolerate the second.

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Nokra

Nokra

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4 hours ago, Fizzzzle said:

There's a part of me that would rather hang out with someone who's all "god, guns, doritos" than someone who's into astrology and crystals and such.

 

Astrology is just religion for beginners, you cowards.

 

1 hour ago, TUFKAK said:

No

 

i refuse to even talk to the first, I can tolerate the second.

 

1 hour ago, CastlevaniaNut18 said:

Astrology would definitely be a turn off for me. Recently read this pretty good sapphic romance, but one of  the MCs was an astrologist and I just couldn't....

 

 

My most recent ex and I had a fight about astrology. :daydream: She was a believer in it and kept trying to make me take it seriously, and I just couldn't. I kept telling her we should just not talk about it and believe what we each believe, but she insisted on trying to convince me.

 

I think I respect people who believe in astrology a lot less than religious people, honestly, if for no other reason than a lot of religious people were indoctrinated as children and have it tied up a lot with their identity, and I understand how hard that kind of stuff is to break. AFAIK very few people were indoctrinated as children into astrology. :p So.... adults made the  conscious choice to believe in that nonsense. It boggles the mind. 

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Fizzzzle

Fizzzzle

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I worked this event recently and was having a good time talking to this group of girls. Eventually the group walked away to meet back up with their other friends and I heard one of the girls say "so like, I have a connection with spirits..." completely seriously. Any future boner I might have had for that person sucked right up into my body. Presthumous boner killer, if you will.

 

My ex danced around that kind of stuff and was what you might call "superstitious" but she wasn't like fully into tarot cards and astral charts and shit. If she was. If she was, we would never have got together because we would never have made eye contact since my eyes would have constantly been pointed towards the back of my head.

 

I have a certain tolerance for superstition, but once you get into psychics, seances, tarot readings, dowsing rods, I'm just... I can't anymore.

 

Nut up and just find God. I have no patience for the "I'm not religious, I'm spiritual" people, at least when it comes to relationships. One of my best friends is super into astrology and I don't care because I'm not boinking her.

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TUFKAK

TUFKAK

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13 minutes ago, Keyser_Soze said:

 

I've always said if you're going to worship / believe in a god then why not pick a cool one like an Egyptian god, Greek God, Norse god? Why would you worship just god the dude?

 

I'd worship Aphrodite :fap:

I’d get on my knees for her.  

 

Yahweh though, that bitch better be on his knees for me.

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gamer.tv

gamer.tv

Posted
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4 hours ago, Nokra said:

I'm not sure if I'd consider it a red flag, exactly, but if she only has pictures where 1) she's in a group and I have to play "Where's Waldo" or 2) she's always wearing sunglasses. 


I don’t like women with no eyes either 

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Biggie

Biggie

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7 hours ago, best3444 said:

I just recently signed up on 2 dating apps. Jfc this is going to be awful. Being 41 looking for a gf is a complete nightmare. Kids, divorce etc.

Think about how the women must feel. All used up, with kids as added baggage, and getting older by the day. Should be easy coochie my boy. 

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Guest

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9 hours ago, Keyser_Soze said:

Is it weird to call yourself, "family oriented" if you don't have any kids?


No. I think of people like my oldest brother. He is very involved in the lives of my children, and the other nieces and nephews in the family. He lives at my parents house, but he takes care of them. Pays all of their utilities and buys groceries most weeks. He is very family oriented, but has never had much interest in being married or having children of his own. 

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Nokra

Nokra

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11 hours ago, Keyser_Soze said:

Is it weird to call yourself, "family oriented" if you don't have any kids?

Do you only have a family if you have kids?  :p

 

I call myself family oriented on Bumble, for example, because my family (parents, sisters, and extended family) are important to me. We take the time to talk regularly, we make sure we see each other regularly, etc. 

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best3444

best3444

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2 hours ago, Biggie said:

Think about how the women must feel. All used up, with kids as added baggage, and getting older by the day. Should be easy coochie my boy. 

 

I'm getting a lot of attention from women in their 30s looking for an older guy. I had to take a step back from it all because it was becoming overwhelming for me. I will find someone eventually and they won't be divorced or have any kids.

 

I'm currently chatting with a beautiful woman who isn't too far away. I've been in this game before and I learned I must take it slow. I rushed last time and took what ever was available and regretted it. Not this time. 

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Keyser_Soze

Keyser_Soze

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7 hours ago, Nokra said:

Do you only have a family if you have kids?  :p

 

Yes, essentially. I might go full Gary here but here we go.

 

To me family oriented means you've got your own wife and kids and your life revolves around them, taking care of them, going places with them, etc.

 

In SBL's example it just sounds like he's being a helpful family member. He takes care of his extended family but I wouldn't call that being family oriented.

My dad regularly helped people out, fixed stuff, went over for dinner. He might as well been considered an extended family member, but I wouldn't say that is being family oriented.

 

As for Nokra staying in touch with your family, is nice but I wouldn't say being family oriented. I would say that's more staying tightly knit with your family or something like that.

 

So yeah to me family oriented means something very specific.

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Nokra

Nokra

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26 minutes ago, Keyser_Soze said:

 

As for Nokra staying in touch with your family, is nice but I wouldn't say being family oriented. I would say that's more staying tightly knit with your family or something like that.

 

So yeah to me family oriented means something very specific.

 

That's interesting that it has that specific meaning to you. Asking non-judgmentally, but: Any idea how that definition was established for you? Because this is what you get when you just google the term, so it seems like the more common definition is mine, but that's not to say yours is incorrect, of course:

 

mIrk4Ie.png

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Keyser_Soze

Keyser_Soze

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I think these terms would be more accurate:

 

  • Family ready
  • Active family member
  • helpful family member

 

Non-judgmentally I think in terms of dating if you bring up being family oriented it takes on a different meaning. Because on a dating site people have kids, some don't. If you're family oriented I would take it as you've been married / had kids and have focused on their needs. If a single person with no kids says family oriented then it's like, nah, you haven't oriented a family.

 

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Guest

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2 hours ago, Keyser_Soze said:

Here is a definition from asking Bing and it fits my definition

 

spacer.png


Legit nothing about that definition requires kids, and definitely applies to people like my brother :p 

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TheLeon

TheLeon

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I get where Keyser is coming from. When I hear people of a certain age (let’s arbitrarily pick 30+) talk about their family, by default I’m picturing the family they started, not the one they were born into (or adopted into, or whatever, you know what I mean).

 

But also, yeah, I don’t think it’s wrong or disingenuous to call yourself family oriented and be referring to family other than your own children, especially in a dating context. Like there are people in my extended family that are Fast and Furious levels of committed to the idea of “family”. They all still live close to each other, are constantly at each others houses,  there is a lot of “my cousins are my best friends” energy. Whereas I’m perfectly fine if I only see them like once every five years at Thanksgiving.  

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Nokra

Nokra

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27 minutes ago, SuperSpreader said:

Maybe I'm an idiot but I feel like id be a more confident dater now than when I was in my 20s. (I'm 41 and have been with the same person since I was 25.)

I think that makes a lot of sense. At 41 you probably have a much greater sense of what you want and need from a partner... That's certainly how I feel at 38. And as you can see by how much I've posted in this thread, I know a lot more about what I don't want than I did in my 20s too. :p

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Fizzzzle

Fizzzzle

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1 hour ago, Nokra said:

I thought of another one thanks to the Taylor Swift Person of the Year thread over on the CEB:

 

Making your personality all about just one thing or person. 

Defining your personality by one characteristic is something people do far too often, and it just limits your life.

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Nokra

Nokra

Posted
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2 hours ago, Fizzzzle said:

Defining your personality by one characteristic is something people do far too often, and it just limits your life.

Yeah it can be a million things; politics, religion, or philosophy... Multidimensionalism is way more interesting. 

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