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Which founding father do you think you could take in a fist fight?


TheShader

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According to wiki, the official list consists of:

 

Andrew Adams Connecticut   Yes  
John Adams Massachusetts Yes    
Samuel Adams Massachusetts Yes Yes  
Thomas Adams Virginia   Yes  
Abraham Baldwin Georgia     Yes
John Banister Virginia   Yes  
Josiah Bartlett New Hampshire Yes Yes  
Richard Bassett Delaware     Yes
Gunning Bedford Jr. Delaware     Yes
John Blair Jr. Virginia     Yes
William Blount North Carolina     Yes
Carter Braxton Virginia Yes    
David Brearley New Jersey     Yes
Jacob Broom Delaware     Yes
Pierce Butler South Carolina     Yes
Charles Carroll Maryland Yes    
Daniel Carroll Maryland   Yes Yes
Samuel Chase Maryland Yes    
Abraham Clark New Jersey Yes    
William Clingan Pennsylvania   Yes  
George Clymer Pennsylvania Yes   Yes
John Collins Rhode Island   Yes  
Francis Dana Massachusetts   Yes  
Jonathan Dayton New Jersey     Yes
John Dickinson Delaware   Yes Yes
William Henry Drayton South Carolina   Yes  
James Duane New York   Yes  
William Duer New York   Yes  
William Ellery Rhode Island Yes Yes  
William Few Georgia     Yes
Thomas Fitzsimons Pennsylvania     Yes
William Floyd New York Yes    
Benjamin Franklin Pennsylvania Yes   Yes
Elbridge Gerry Massachusetts Yes Yes  
Nicholas Gilman New Hampshire     Yes
Nathaniel Gorham Massachusetts     Yes
Button Gwinnett Georgia Yes    
Lyman Hall Georgia Yes    
Alexander Hamilton New York     Yes
John Hancock Massachusetts Yes Yes  
John Hanson Maryland   Yes  
Cornelius Harnett North Carolina   Yes  
Benjamin Harrison V Virginia Yes    
John Hart New Jersey Yes    
John Harvie Virginia   Yes  
Joseph Hewes North Carolina Yes    
Thomas Heyward Jr. South Carolina Yes Yes  
Samuel Holten Massachusetts   Yes  
William Hooper North Carolina Yes    
Stephen Hopkins Rhode Island Yes    
Francis Hopkinson New Jersey Yes    
Titus Hosmer Connecticut   Yes  
Samuel Huntington Connecticut Yes Yes  
Richard Hutson South Carolina   Yes  
Jared Ingersoll Pennsylvania     Yes
William Jackson South Carolina     Yes
Thomas Jefferson Virginia Yes    
Daniel of St. Thomas Jenifer Maryland     Yes
William Samuel Johnson Connecticut     Yes
Rufus King Massachusetts     Yes
John Langdon New Hampshire     Yes
Edward Langworthy Georgia   Yes  
Henry Laurens South Carolina   Yes  
Francis Lightfoot Lee Virginia Yes Yes  
Richard Henry Lee Virginia Yes Yes  
Francis Lewis New York Yes Yes  
Philip Livingston New York Yes    
William Livingston New Jersey     Yes
James Lovell Massachusetts   Yes  
Thomas Lynch Jr. South Carolina Yes    
James Madison Virginia     Yes
Henry Marchant Rhode Island   Yes  
John Mathews South Carolina   Yes  
James McHenry Maryland     Yes
Thomas McKean Delaware Yes Yes  
Arthur Middleton South Carolina Yes    
Thomas Mifflin Pennsylvania     Yes
Gouverneur Morris[a] New York   Yes  
Pennsylvania     Yes
Lewis Morris New York Yes    
Robert Morris Pennsylvania Yes Yes Yes
John Morton Pennsylvania Yes    
Thomas Nelson Jr. Virginia Yes    
William Paca Maryland Yes    
Robert Treat Paine Massachusetts Yes    
William Paterson New Jersey     Yes
John Penn North Carolina Yes Yes  
Charles Pinckney South Carolina     Yes
Charles Cotesworth Pinckney South Carolina     Yes
George Read Delaware Yes   Yes
Joseph Reed Pennsylvania   Yes  
Daniel Roberdeau Pennsylvania   Yes  
Caesar Rodney Delaware Yes    
George Ross Pennsylvania Yes    
Benjamin Rush Pennsylvania Yes    
Edward Rutledge South Carolina Yes    
John Rutledge South Carolina     Yes
Nathaniel Scudder New Jersey   Yes  
Roger Sherman Connecticut Yes Yes Yes
James Smith Pennsylvania Yes    
Jonathan Bayard Smith Pennsylvania   Yes  
Richard Dobbs Spaight North Carolina     Yes
Richard Stockton New Jersey Yes    
Thomas Stone Maryland Yes    
George Taylor Pennsylvania Yes    
Edward Telfair Georgia   Yes  
Matthew Thornton New Hampshire Yes    
Nicholas Van Dyke Delaware   Yes  
George Walton Georgia Yes    
John Walton Georgia   Yes  
George Washington Virginia     Yes
John Wentworth Jr. New Hampshire   Yes  
William Whipple New Hampshire Yes    
John Williams North Carolina   Yes  
William Williams Connecticut Yes    
Hugh Williamson North Carolina     Yes
James Wilson Pennsylvania Yes   Yes
John Witherspoon New Jersey Yes Yes  
Oliver Wolcott Connecticut Yes Yes  
George Wythe Virginia Yes
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Every single one of them. They were short, fat, had terrible nutrition, probably riddled with intestinal parasites and rickets, and were drunk off their asses 24/7. Most of them had slaves so they never did a lick of any kind of physical labor. The only one who gives me pause is Gouverneur Morris. He died because he stuck a whalebone up his own dick. That's terrifying. A man who's willing to do that is capable of anything.

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2 hours ago, Fizzzzle said:

I could take John Adams, for sure.

 

George Washington not so much. He was a big dude with extra Chad energy and may have allegedly kind of started the Seven Years War, I'm sure he could throw hands.

Safe bets. You never mess with George Washington, that's rule number 1 of founding fathers, but also John Adams seems the type to squeal and fall to the ground at the first sign of physical conflict.

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9 minutes ago, TheShader said:

You never mess with George Washington

He got an inch on me but i got him by 40 pounds and i can grapel pretty good. 

Franklin is the one i want nothing to do with. Man likely had enough clap he could pass it to you with just a dirty look.

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5 hours ago, Fizzzzle said:

I could take John Adams, for sure.

 

George Washington not so much. He was a big dude with extra Chad energy and may have allegedly kind of started the Seven Years War, I'm sure he could throw hands.

 

I heard that.... motherfucker's got like.... 30 goddamn dicks. 

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Oh yeah I forgot James Madison is like 5'3" and he wrote passive aggressively using a lot of double negatives. He may be the father of the Constitution but he's 100% a straight bitch.

 

He's like that roommate who leaves sticky notes about "other people" walking too loud when you know he's talking about you, but he doesn't have the nuts to say it to your face.

 

(He's also the last president to personally lead troops into battle while president, so there's at least some evidence he was prepared to fuck shit up, so don't sleep on him... Still, I'd bet on myself)

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4 minutes ago, thewhyteboar said:

Don't forget the gout. All these fools were mainlining port like it was nothing. Just brush their knee with a feather and they will be in agonizing pain.

 

You're on a roll with making me laugh. 

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3 hours ago, Zaku3 said:

I can guarentee that I only fear Hamilton on that list because he founded my city.

Hamilton is on another level. He was the ghetto white trash of the founding fathers. If we're judging founding fathers by assigning them to an alcoholism stereotype, Hamilton is the guy that is way too quick to smash a bottle over his own head and scream 'YOU GOTTA PROBLEM!?' while shoving the broken remnants of the bottle in your face.

 

Like he begged to be on the battlefield during the war while constantly being given cushy respected jobs that others would kill for. I wouldn't fuck with him, either.

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