Jump to content

My life has hit a terrible spot and I'm making two small changes that suck

best3444

By best3444
in The Shower

 Share

Recommended Posts

best3444

best3444

Posted
Posted

I've haven't really communicated this on here, but this year has been the worst one of my life. I'm 40 yrs old with terrible anxiety and panic attacks. I suffer from severe depression and sadness losing my identical twin brother to cancer. I have no friends, gf, or family except for my parents.

 

My medical issue I had late this summer royally fucked me financially. I am out of work this week too with no pay because of my crippling depression and I had to get FMLA paperwork filled out by my psychiatrist yesterday.

 

Long story short, I'm forced to move an hour away from my job to live in my parents basement. Not only for financial reasons, but for my mental health as well. I'm completely isolated from society living in this apartment with my cat. I litteraly am losing my mind and I'm not well at all. I hide it on here but my life is absolute dog shit right now. Not many people understand the identical twin dynamic but losing him was like losing half of myself. I feel like half a person and it's incredibly difficult to explain if you're not a twin. I reached out to twin groups etc and finally got some understanding from other twins who have suffered the same fate. Overall, the groups understood exactly what I was telling them but those groups are filled with constant sadness. So I stopped interacting with them. I was seeing a psychologist this year along with a psychiatrist but I eventually gave up on my psychologist because like the other 5 I've had since my brother passed away, they cannot help me with twin issues. I've searched everywhere online and anything that would help me is out of state and mostly west coast.

 

I litteraly don't feel like an individual because I never was growing up. I have never learned how to make friends or socially develop because I always had a best friend right next to me. My twin was the leader of us two, and any friends we had were because of him. This was true all the way up to his death at 35 years old. I never once made a friend on my own or have done anything substantial as my own person. 

 

So, I have a ton of fucking issues and living alone is no longer an option. Which brings up another sad part, I have to give my cat Elton away because my parents own a dog that would actually kill him if they lived together.

 

I absolutely love this cat more than anything in this world and I'm crying typing this. He is my little boy and he has been with me through the toughest times in my life. I will miss him terribly but I have no other options.

 

Anyway, I know a lot of you on here might not even understand what I'm even talking about. But right now I don't want to be on this Earth anymore. I see no future or any kind of happiness coming my way so I'm hanging on for dear life! 

 

My parents are 82 so they don't have much time but they are adjusting their life for me right now and I am very thankful for that. I love my parents a lot and they did their best to raise 6 kids. They completely failed in raising my brother and I as individuals though, but I don't blame them for anything. 

 

I guess thats all I got. It's an absolute nightmare of a life for me right now and I don't see a future...

 

 

  • Hugs 13
Link to comment
Share on other sites
  • best3444 changed the title to My life has hit a terrible spot and I'm making two small changes that suck
Biggie

Biggie

Posted
Posted

Sorry to hear all this. We have been online friends for years. While moving home with your parents may suck but I think it’s a really good decision right now. Have you told them exactly what you have told us? If not I’d recommend telling them exactly what’s going on inside of you. God bless man. You can always reach out to me if you need someone to talk to. 

  • Like 1
  • Hugs 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Guest

Guest

Posted
Posted

My oldest brother lives with my parents. He has had some pretty severe mental health issues since late teen years, and hit rock bottom about 3 years ago. One day a good friend of ours called me and mentioned he had been reaching out to my brother to see about hiring him. My brother had ignored all his calls/texts/emails. I ended up talking to my brother and he reluctantly took the job. 3 years later, he is a real star in the company and doing extremely well with his mental health. He is even to the point now where he has taken on most of the financial stuff for my parents like the electric bill, groceries, etc. And most notably, he is finally able to be in purely social scenarios without crippling anxiety.

 

Being close to people who love and care for you is nothing to feel shame over, it's the most normal thing for people to lean on their tribe.

 

Take care of yourself and let others take care of you too

Link to comment
Share on other sites
crispy4000

crispy4000

Posted
Posted

I'm also a twin and the socially passive one, relatively speaking, so I can understand where you're coming from on that level.  Making friends wasn't easy for me, our parents saw that and actually put us in two different schools for a time.  I questioned if those we knew just wanted to hang out with him, and I was the tag along, which became a self defeating mindset.  I didn't really have the confidence in who I was socially until I was a graduate student in another state.  I had to wipe the slate clean, more or less.  But did eventually get to feel like my own person.  People are surprised to hear I'm a twin, and I like it that way.

 

Sounds like you've already reached out to others in your situation, which is good.  Not sure how much else I could add considering, but I'm here if you ever need to bounce anything off.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
best3444

best3444

Posted
  • Author
Posted
1 hour ago, Biggie said:

Sorry to hear all this. We have been online friends for years. While moving home with your parents may suck but I think it’s a really good decision right now. Have you told them exactly what you have told us? If not I’d recommend telling them exactly what’s going on inside of you. God bless man. You can always reach out to me if you need someone to talk to. 

 

Oh yea, my parents know everything. Thank you for the kind words I really appreciate it.

 

38 minutes ago, crispy4000 said:

I'm also a twin and the socially passive one, relatively speaking, so I can understand where you're coming from on that level.  Making friends wasn't easy for me, our parents saw that and actually put us in two different schools for a time.  I questioned if those we knew just wanted to hang out with him, and I was the tag along, which became a self defeating mindset.  I didn't really have the confidence in who I was socially until I was a graduate student in another state.  I had to wipe the slate clean, more or less.  But did eventually get to feel like my own person.  People are surprised to hear I'm a twin, and I like it that way.

 

Sounds like you've already reached out to others in your situation, which is good.  Not sure how much else I could add considering, but I'm here if you ever need to bounce anything off.

 

Wow. Are you identical? That's good your parents separated you. I did have a break through when I started working for the state. I was completely separated from my twin and started a career on my own which I kinda forget. That was big for me because I did have to be my own person but it was extremely difficult. Especially since that was my peak in my drinking days so I was fucked up even then. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites
best3444

best3444

Posted
  • Author
Posted
2 hours ago, stepee said:

I’m sorry to hear about elton :(

 

Hope things turn around soon, think of this as an opportunity to recenter and focus your life, take it slow.

 

Good advice. Yea, losing Elton is heart breaking. He was just laying on my chest being the sweet boy that he always is. I cried knowing in a week that will be gone. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites
crispy4000

crispy4000

Posted
Posted
7 hours ago, best3444 said:

 

Wow. Are you identical? That's good your parents separated you. I did have a break through when I started working for the state. I was completely separated from my twin and started a career on my own which I kinda forget. That was big for me because I did have to be my own person but it was extremely difficult. Especially since that was my peak in my drinking days so I was fucked up even then. 


Parents gave us some BS the doctor wasn’t sure line, so I don’t actually know.  People know we’re twins, not just brothers, at first sight.  But I never thought we could get away with swapping classes and such.

 

Starting a new thing alone is tough.  For me at least, it’s what I needed.  But yeah, it would have been frustrating if it didn’t work out.  Life is always full of new opportunities and beginnings though.

  • Thanks 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Nokra

Nokra

Posted
Posted

I'm really sorry that you're feeling hopeless, @best3444. Feeling that way, especially for a prolonged period, is fucking miserable. :( 

 

Is there any way to keep Elton separated from their dog (e.g. with child gates and/or in a separate area of the house)? If at all possible, it seems like it would be best for your mental health to keep your friend. IMO, pets are an absolute boon to mental health. <3 

 

For what it's worth (and I mean this with kindness), I think you're wrong when you said this:

 

On 10/19/2022 at 9:51 AM, best3444 said:

 

I never once made a friend on my own or have done anything substantial as my own person. 

 

 

The proof is in all of the people here who care about you, in their way, and I include myself in this. Maybe you're not where you want to be, but I think you're far more capable of this than you're giving yourself credit for. :hug: 

 

Don't give up. You're in a valley right now, but you have a community of people who care and support you and will help you get out; it really is only temporary. 

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites
best3444

best3444

Posted
  • Author
Posted
3 hours ago, Nokra said:

I'm really sorry that you're feeling hopeless, @best3444. Feeling that way, especially for a prolonged period, is fucking miserable. :( 

 

Is there any way to keep Elton separated from their dog (e.g. with child gates and/or in a separate area of the house)? If at all possible, it seems like it would be best for your mental health to keep your friend. IMO, pets are an absolute boon to mental health. <3 

 

For what it's worth (and I mean this with kindness), I think you're wrong when you said this:

 

 

The proof is in all of the people here who care about you, in their way, and I include myself in this. Maybe you're not where you want to be, but I think you're far more capable of this than you're giving yourself credit for. :hug: 

 

Don't give up. You're in a valley right now, but you have a community of people who care and support you and will help you get out; it really is only temporary. 

 

I really appreciate the kind and encouraging words. I will try to say something to my parents about putting up some kind of gate to keep Elton and Mia away from each other. They just hate the idea. 

 

Edit: Just asked my mom and she flipped out. It's not an option for Elton to come with me. I'm giving him to a co-worker of mine and his wife will take care of him. He said once I get back out on my own again I can have him back. I feel ok that he will live with them because they own a rescue for cats and have a ton of things Elton can do that he can't do at my apartment. He will live a great life there. I will have to suck it up and let him go as terrible as that's going to be. 

  • Sad 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Nokra

Nokra

Posted
Posted
37 minutes ago, best3444 said:

 

I really appreciate the kind and encouraging words. I will try to say something to my parents about putting up some kind of gate to keep Elton and Mia away from each other. They just hate the idea. 

 

Edit: Just asked my mom and she flipped out. It's not an option for Elton to come with me. I'm giving him to a co-worker of mine and his wife will take care of him. He said once I get back out on my own again I can have him back. I feel ok that he will live with them because they own a rescue for cats and have a ton of things Elton can do that he can't do at my apartment. He will live a great life there. I will have to suck it up and let him go as terrible as that's going to be. 

 

It's obviously ultimately their house and thus their rules, but I'm really confused why she "flipped out" about a simple question. What's the harm in putting up a gate or installing a door or something, especially when it clearly means so much to you and would have little to no impact on her? What information am I missing here? Why are they so opposed? 

Link to comment
Share on other sites
best3444

best3444

Posted
  • Author
Posted
15 hours ago, Nokra said:

 

It's obviously ultimately their house and thus their rules, but I'm really confused why she "flipped out" about a simple question. What's the harm in putting up a gate or installing a door or something, especially when it clearly means so much to you and would have little to no impact on her? What information am I missing here? Why are they so opposed? 

 

My mom has a temper. I've asked too many times, they claim something will happen and they are 82 years old and couldn't handle a situation. I completely understand it and I just have to move on.

 

10 hours ago, TUFKAK said:

I’m sorry to read this my friend. I can not suggest therapy enough, and if you’re in crisis, please consider inpatient services.

 

I'm definitely trying therapy again and if things continue to go in the direction they are, my psychiatrist wants me in a inpatient service like you mentioned. Thanks for your post. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites
best3444

best3444

Posted
  • Author
Posted
1 hour ago, Biggie said:

Hope it goes smoothly. Be careful moving your OLED television. Take the time at your parents to save money and get back on your feet bro. 

 

Yes, my brother in law broke my other OLED when I originally moved here. I had to buy another one. I'm going to have a specific mover move the tv for me. I can't have that shit happen again. 

 

Yes, not only will I recover financially when I'm living with my parents but mentally I will get better. Socially interacting with them will help a lot each day and I'm getting more therapy. I really hope things get better. 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Nokra

Nokra

Posted
Posted
44 minutes ago, best3444 said:

 

Yes, my brother in law broke my other OLED when I originally moved here. I had to buy another one. I'm going to have a specific mover move the tv for me. I can't have that shit happen again. 

 

Yes, not only will I recover financially when I'm living with my parents but mentally I will get better. Socially interacting with them will help a lot each day and I'm getting more therapy. I really hope things get better. 

They will, but just keep in mind that it may not be on the schedule that you want or expect. These things take time and are gradual, but you'll get there. :hug:

Link to comment
Share on other sites
  • 2 weeks later...
stepee

stepee

Posted
Posted
27 minutes ago, best3444 said:

Today is the extremely sad day I say goodbye to my best friend. I love Elton so much and he has been with me through my most terrible points in my life. I am promised him back once I get back out on my own. Sigh. :(

 

At least it’s temporary. Can you visit him?

 

 

  • Halal 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
best3444

best3444

Posted
  • Author
Posted
9 hours ago, SuperSpreader said:

I would visit now and then, bring a gift to the person taking care of him. A bottle of wine or chocolate or something like that. 

 

Ok, will do. Elton made the saddest noise I ever heard when they took him away from me. :(

 

I cried this morning over it but he will be at a good place. I love him so much. 

  • Sad 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Nokra

Nokra

Posted
Posted
4 hours ago, best3444 said:

 

Ok, will do. Elton made the saddest noise I ever heard when they took him away from me. :(

 

I cried this morning over it but he will be at a good place. I love him so much. 

I'm sure it's hard, but I think you're doing the right thing. Taking care of yourself will let you be there for Elton in the best way, no pun intended. :p

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
 Share
Go to topic listing

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
×
×
  • Create New...