I know I said I wasn't going to share anything personal but

[best3444]

I was in the hospital today in the emergency room. My severe depression, panic attacks, and general anxiety have taken over my life at this point. So I decided to drive to the hospital this morning to get help in the emergency room.

 

I'm going to be in intensive outpatient care for 3 weeks coming up shortly. There they will provide me my own personal psychiatrist, psychologist, behavioral help assistant, and group counseling. 

 

They will moderate my medications and help me with all my problems. I was doing ok just recently but last Wednesday I fell apart. 

 

I'm really excited to get this help so that I can become a better person overall. Each day it's from 8:30am to 3:30pm. Hopefully this turns things around for me so I don't go up and down as often as I do. 

 

Anyone else go through this?

[legend]

I've never had a panic attack, but about 5 years ago my anxiety had reached very problematic levels. I went on anti-anxiety meds for a few months and also got some drugs for my NERD (you can't make this shit up -- the doctors said I had NERD and I said "I know.") which was related. I do much better now and am off the anti-anxiety meds. Sometimes you need a little help and a reset.

[Biggie]

Sorry to hear this but atleast you had the mental awareness to drive to the emergency room and ask for help. Stay strong bruh. 

[Biggie]

Are you taking a leave from work during this?

[best3444]

7 minutes ago, Biggie said:

Are you taking a leave from work during this?

 

Disability with pay.

[silentbob]

My best friend is going through something similar with his brother. They haven’t spoken to each other in a couple months now. The last time I saw him he was trying to get his medication under control and was cutting back on his weed intake. He still took some to calm his nerves after work now and then and I gave him some of my stuff to help. He’s been like this since I became friends with his brother 25+ years ago. He could be happy, cheerful and telling jokes one moment and yelling, angry and clearly frustrated the next. It only took a small something not landing properly or something just slightly rubbed him the wrong way and nothing would calm him down. He would usually just leave, go to the basement/garage but would be constantly slamming a door or making sure to make a loud enough noise to know he was there. I keep asking for updates but he’s still not saying anything yet.

 

so good on you asking for help and hopefully this is the help you need going forward @best3444

[best3444]

1 minute ago, silentbob said:

My best friend is going through something similar with his brother. They haven’t spoken to each other in a couple months now. The last time I saw him he was trying to get his medication under control and was cutting back on his weed intake. He still took some to calm his nerves after work now and then and I gave him some of my stuff to help. He’s been like this since I became friends with his brother 25+ years ago. He could be happy, cheerful and telling jokes one moment and yelling, angry and clearly frustrated the next. It only took a small something not landing properly or something just slightly rubbed him the wrong way and nothing would calm him down. He would usually just leave, go to the basement/garage but would be constantly slamming a door or making sure to make a loud enough noise to know he was there. I keep asking for updates but he’s still not saying anything yet.

 

so good on you asking for help and hopefully this is the help you need going forward @best3444

 

Yea, recently my moods have gone up and down to frequently that I got very concerned. My psychiatrist says I'm bipolar and I'm never scared to ask for help. So me doing what I did this morning took courage but it was completely necessary.

 

I'm truly a very nice man but can say things on here or in life that is harsh and I don't mean it. Therapy will help me handle that and maybe some medication changes as well. It's not easy admitting you have a problem but I faced my fears this morning and stepped up. I was in tears the entire time I was communicating with the doctors so it's been a roller coaster ride today with emotions. 

 

I thank everyone for the support. It means a whole lot to me.

[Ominous]

My wife took a LOA at work to deal with something similar. She has a history of depression and anxiety. I know it's something that's hard to go through, even with support, so I hope you get as much support as you can and lean on any resource available to you. 

[Fizzzzle]

I hope you get support. I've had panic attacks before. It's like you feel like the world is going to end.

 

I wish it was as easy just to say "take care of yourself," but therapy is expensive. Most people can't afford it if they can even fucking find a therapist accepting patients to begin with.

[AlwaysDyingX]

I have my ups and downs still but taking my medication regularly helps. I don't think I'll ever come off my medication. I've made peace with the fact its most likely chemical imbalance maybe from a few concussions.

 

I know you know this but I'll say it anyway............please do everything they say to do including the counseling. Therapist and counselors are awesome.  Anxiety shouldn't run your life. I had to go through a few different types before I found the correct medication and the best part is its pretty mild compared to some of the mind erasers out there. 

[AlwaysDyingX]

13 hours ago, best3444 said:

 

My psychiatrist says I'm bipolar and I'm never scared to ask for help. So me doing what I did this morning took courage but it was completely necessary.

 

 

 

 

Get a second opinion before you go medicating for that. Psychiatrist love to push pills 

[TUFKAK]

As someone who is still on disability and accommodation following a two month loa, good luck and do the work.

 

I’m in weekly therapy, working out 1-3x a day and focusing on domestic stuff in the house.

 

Follow what the therapist and psychiatrist are saying and definitely increase your activity.

 

I found journaling and applying stoicism helped with me a lot, unfortunately getting to the root of these issues has opened up a lot more drama than I wanted to address but I’m in it now.

[stepee]

Panic attacks are brutal. Wish you a safe journey and a road ahead to a better life as you work through all this. I’m happy for you that you didn’t try to force through it and got help. Outpatient I think will be very positive. Get second opinions any medications like Base said, but when they both agree make sure to listen.

[TUFKAK]

15 minutes ago, stepee said:

Panic attacks are brutal. Wish you a safe journey and a road ahead to a better life as you work through all this. I’m happy for you that you didn’t try to force through it and got help. Outpatient I think will be very positive. Get second opinions any medications like Base said, but when they both agree make sure to listen.

I believe if you’re at a critical stage do pharmaceutical treatment while pursuing therapy to address the underlying cause.

 

Just like chest pain and an ekg showing stemi; you take the meds then go to the cath lab then pursue lifestyle changes. N

 

if you’re in crisis treat the crisis first. I wasn’t given any meds but that was only because I got away from my primary stressor.

[Jason]

If you really don't want to do meds go to a psychologist not a psychiatrist.

[best3444]

17 minutes ago, Jason said:

If you really don't want to do meds go to a psychologist not a psychiatrist.

 

I absolutely need medication and like base said above, I'll be on them for the test of my life. 

[Biggie]

I like to crush my meds up into a fine powder and smoke them. It’s not recommended but it will give you a nice head rush. 

[best3444]

I mean if I could smoke marijuana 24/7 I wouldn't needs meds. I just can't afford that, and it's not acceptable to live a life like that unless you're Seth Rogan.

 

Marijuana takes away every symptom that I have but it's not a reality. I get withdrawal from it too so that means I would need it at all times. 

[stepee]

1 hour ago, best3444 said:

I mean if I could smoke marijuana 24/7 I wouldn't needs meds. I just can't afford that, and it's not acceptable to live a life like that unless you're stepee.

 

Marijuana takes away every symptom that I have but it's not a reality. I get withdrawal from it too so that means I would need it at all times. 

 

ftfy

[best3444]

29 minutes ago, stepee said:

 

ftfy

 

Lol. I am extremely jealous. But you absolutely need it for the sheer amount of pain you're constantly in. You should be prescribed fentanyl.

 

Spoiler

Kidding and I shouldn't joke about that drug. 

 

[stepee]

49 minutes ago, best3444 said:

 

Lol. I am extremely jealous. But you absolutely need it for the sheer amount of pain you're constantly in. You should be prescribed fentanyl.

 

  Reveal hidden contents

Kidding and I shouldn't joke about that drug. 

 

 

fentanyl was actually what they gave me first thing in the ambulance and then enough to knock me out during surgery - it seems very un-fun, I think you’d have to kind of already be on some sort of trip I think to enjoy that at all

 

I would actually be curious if anyone has tried it recreationally and what they thought, because even with everything going on I still remember how bad that was

[DarkStar189]

2 hours ago, best3444 said:

I mean if I could smoke marijuana 24/7 I wouldn't needs meds. I just can't afford that, and it's not acceptable to live a life like that unless you're Seth Rogan.

 

Marijuana takes away every symptom that I have but it's not a reality. I get withdrawal from it too so that means I would need it at all times. 

My sister got deeply dependent on weed. She got to the point of court appointed rehab after shit went down but so far it’s been the best thing for her. Kept her out of jail and she’s now 9 months sober.  She was smoking a lot everyday and running for it as soon as things got stressful. I don’t know if it did permanent damage but she said she feels like her mind is healing after depending on it so much. Really sounds like a different person all together when I talk to her now.  Good luck with your journey and it’s awesome that you recognized the problem. 

[best3444]

55 minutes ago, stepee said:

 

fentanyl was actually what they gave me first thing in the ambulance and then enough to knock me out during surgery - it seems very un-fun, I think you’d have to kind of already be on some sort of trip I think to enjoy that at all

 

I would actually be curious if anyone has tried it recreationally and what they thought, because even with everything going on I still remember how bad that was

 

Damn, to be given fentanyl in the ambulance must have meant you were truly fucked up and in serious pain. I'll never ever try it because even the smallest dose can kill you. Obviously the medics knew what to give you but I'm speaking about the street version.

 

40 minutes ago, DarkStar189 said:

My sister got deeply dependent on weed. She got to the point of court appointed rehab after shit went down but so far it’s been the best thing for her. Kept her out of jail and she’s now 9 months sober.  She was smoking a lot everyday and running for it as soon as things got stressful. I don’t know if it did permanent damage but she said she feels like her mind is healing after depending on it so much. Really sounds like a different person all together when I talk to her now.  Good luck with your journey and it’s awesome that you recognized the problem. 

 

Yes, I was addicted to marijuana about a year and a half ago. I had a medical license and would smoke every single day. I wasted a disgusting amount of money on it and it took so much will power to completely stop. I'm an addict so I abuse everything. I also was/am an alcoholic but it's been years since I drank. 

 

Thank you for your post and kind words. 

[Paperclyp]

I hope you feel better. Glad you are getting help. 

[silentbob]

I wish I could give you some seeds or some of my home grown stuff @best3444 My cousins on my moms side are bi-polar and the one was heading down to being a full blown alcoholic/depression. The 2 of them had barely talked to each other for nearly 6 years, until their mom died of Covid. After that they got them outta Toronto and moved into to their mom’s house again. I gave them a bunch of weed to help them out anyway I could. They didn’t want them drinking into a deeper depression and so they got them super high instead, and now prefers it over drinking. They seem more social again, lost some weight and overall looks happier. I know it’s not to be abused and it doesn’t work for everyone, but I don’t know where I’d be without my daily fixes. I know I suffer from depression too and is something I’ve been dealing with for years since my dad’s passing and then a month later my 3 years of undiagnosed wrist injury. I just feel useless sometimes because I don’t have the wrist/arm strength to help around the house like I use too. I lost a good paying job with benefits from Pepsi because I couldn’t get back into working form of lifting/dragging 6-8 tons of product 4 days a week. The last year I was their they had me everywhere and anywhere. So that got my anxiety up because I went from a steady 4 day schedule of working the same local stores. Too working by 7am phone calls to my managers to see where I was going. This could go from semi local stores or to working 50mins away in downtown Toronto in some sketchy areas. A few times I would watch the news a day or two later and hear about a shooting/stabbing murder where I was just working. So that occasionally fucked around and played with my brain too.