This is what it's like dating in 2023

[Nokra]

Today I had what likely takes the cake as my biggest "bullet dodged" first date. 

 

Matched with this woman on Bumble and messaged with her a couple times, we seemed to connect OK via text. Today we met up in person for our first date, and the plan was to meet in downtown Portland to get a coffee and walk along the waterfront. 

 

She ordered her coffee and immediately pulled out her card and tapped it on the reader to pay for herself, so I thought "OK cool, guess we're splitting it." I paid for my own coffee and continued to make smalltalk with her while we waited. We get our coffee, take about ten steps out the door, and she interrupts whatever I'm saying to say:

"You know, I think I'm going to go. I'm not willing to put up with such a low effort partner. You didn't even offer to pay for my coffee, and I know my worth."

 

I was so stunned I just stood there for a second before I just said "OK" and walked away. 

 

 

Though it was indeed my plan to try to pay for us, I've had women get annoyed with me for even asking if I can pay, so when she immediately paid for herself, I accepted it. It seems like a more reasonable approach would have been to just ask about it, but she immediately assumed the worst. Meanwhile, I spent an hour showering, shaving my head and face, put on a nice sweater and jacket, wore cologne, etc. and she showed up in a sweatshirt. "Low-effort" indeed.  

 

Maybe she just saw me in person and didn't like the way I looked, sounded, smelled, whatever. That's fine. Say "I'm not really feeling a connection." or "I think this isn't what I'm looking for." But to say it was because of my "low effort"?  Woof.

 

It's a minefield out there, ladies and gents, but I'm grateful to have dodged this bullet and to live to fight another day.

[Keyser_Soze]

You can pay for my coffee anytime

[Nokra]

2 hours ago, Keyser_Soze said:

You can pay for my coffee anytime

 

 

It reminds me of those extremely dramatic (insecure) people who pick a fight with you over something stupid and then get pissy when you don't want to "fight for them" over it.

[Fizzzzle]

Sounds like she is someone that has insecurity (understandable) paired with very poor conflict Resolution (she goes from 0-nuclear)

 

I have an ex who was like that. She's a great person and we're still very good friends, but holy shit does she go from 0 to Hiroshima in the blink of an eye. She's married now and her husband doesn't like that she talks to me, but I wish I could tell him how many times she has blown up my phone about something he allegedly did and my response was like "CALM THE FUCK DOWN, JESUS." I've saved his marriage more than he knows and the dude still thinks I'm trying to fuck his wife...

 

 

Sorry, that was a rant.

 

It's best to get the red flags out of the way early. You are a handsome, cultured and successful man. You'll be fine.

[Mr.Vic20]

@Nokra , whatever happened there its seems that it was more about what was happening between her ears then between the two of you. Her loss, big fish! 

[Biggie]

That bitch 

[SaysWho?]

If it makes you feel better, that's how it was like in 2019 as well.  

 

Glad to be out of the dating world, which is admittedly a shitshow. But a lot of it is simply timing, so keep doing you, since that's the best anyone can do!

[Brian]

Her worth is a cup of coffee?

 

I am glad I never had to use the internet for dating. 

[Guest]

1 hour ago, Brian said:

Her worth is a cup of coffee?

 

I am glad I never had to use the internet for dating. 

So you literally mail-ordered your wife?

[TheLeon]

Yeah, how were you supposed to handle that? Say something like “Hey, that’s my job!” when she taps her card? That seems like a trap. 
 

I’m happy enough being single. It’s so much simpler. 

[Fizzzzle]

11 minutes ago, TheLeon said:

Yeah, how were you supposed to handle that? Say something like “Hey, that’s my job!” when she taps her card? That seems like a trap. 
 

I’m happy enough being single. It’s so much simpler. 

You buy her another coffee, grab the one she paid for out of her hand and aggressively throw it in the garbage while never breaking eye contact.

[TheLeon]

10 minutes ago, Fizzzzle said:

You buy her another coffee, grab the one she paid for out of her hand and aggressively throw it in the garbage while never breaking eye contact.

That’s hot.

[Brian]

32 minutes ago, sblfilms said:

So you literally mail-ordered your wife?

Wow because she is Eastern European?

[Keyser_Soze]

1 hour ago, TheLeon said:

Yeah, how were you supposed to handle that? Say something like “Hey, that’s my job!” when she taps her card? That seems like a trap. 
 

I’m happy enough being single. It’s so much simpler. 

 

55 minutes ago, Fizzzzle said:

You buy her another coffee, grab the one she paid for out of her hand and aggressively throw it in the garbage while never breaking eye contact.

 

Actually you have to preemptively channel your alpha energy before you go in, walk straight up to the counter and say to the cashier, "I'm going to have X and she's going to have?" Then she says what she wants and you pay. Easy and you get laid that afternoon.

[Fizzzzle]

2 minutes ago, Keyser_Soze said:

 

 

Actually you have to preemptively channel your alpha energy before you go in, walk straight up to the counter and say to the cashier, "I'm going to have X and she's going to have?" Then she says what she wants and you pay. Easy and you get laid that afternoon.

See this is the mindset that I aspire to every day 100%. People don't realize.

[Biggie]

[Nokra]

Thanks for the laughs and support, all. I didn't take it personally at the time and I'm still laughing about it, but I still appreciate the kind and supportive words. 

 

I'm just grateful she showed me this side of her now, rather than a few months down the road when I might actually give a shit.

 

Thinking about it more, in a weird way I kinda feel bad for her. She's 41 and still getting so easily upset about what is almost certainly a minor misunderstanding or different interpretation of something that's ultimately so unimportant? Yeesh. 

 

Anyway, thank you all again.

[SuperSpreader]

5 hours ago, Nokra said:

Thanks for the laughs and support, all. I didn't take it personally at the time and I'm still laughing about it, but I still appreciate the kind and supportive words. 

 

I'm just grateful she showed me this side of her now, rather than a few months down the road when I might actually give a shit.

 

Thinking about it more, in a weird way I kinda feel bad for her. She's 41 and still getting so easily upset about what is almost certainly a minor misunderstanding or different interpretation of something that's ultimately so unimportant? Yeesh. 

 

Anyway, thank you all again.

 

Also she's 41 and expecting to be catered to? Like I get you intended to pay for it, at the same time, that's a ridiculous assumption!

[Nokra]

1 hour ago, SuperSpreader said:

 

Also she's 41 and expecting to be catered to? Like I get you intended to pay for it, at the same time, that's a ridiculous assumption!

 

Yeah it was ridiculous all around. In 2023 I don't think it should be a big deal who pays (talk about it, make the amount/frequency satisfactory for everyone; easy), and again she was very quick on the draw with her card.  I'm not sure I had even decided what I wanted before she paid.

 

Maybe I ruined her weekly plan of free coffee from dating app suckers.

[Fizzzzle]

You gotta start picking up women at alcoholics anonymous sorry church sorry I mean neighborhood board meetings. That's where you really want to go. Most people there probably have money and are either single OR ready to mingle. If you're lucky you'll find a guy who is willing to let you fuck his wife because he can't get it up for her anymore since he started fucking 14 year old Indonesian girls on his "business" trips.

[SuperSpreader]

15 minutes ago, Fizzzzle said:

You gotta start picking up women at alcoholics anonymous sorry church sorry I mean neighborhood board meetings. That's where you really want to go. Most people there probably have money and are either single OR ready to mingle. If you're lucky you'll find a guy who is willing to let you fuck his wife because he can't get it up for her anymore since he started fucking 14 year old Indonesian girls on his "business" trips.

 

Is that how that happens? @TUFKAK

[Fizzzzle]

2 minutes ago, SuperSpreader said:

 

Is that how that happens? @TUFKAK

Asking the real questions @TUFKAK

[SuperSpreader]

I need answers 

[Keyser_Soze]

Tick tack toe three in a row for @TUFKAK

[TUFKAK]

I’ve personally found wearing a tight shirt is all it takes, my thirst trap pic from Naxos always got me in too. I think about life in left or right swipe terms

[legend]

You dodged a bullet! She sounds absolutely awful.