Confession: I haven't had sex in over a year

[CastlevaniaNut18]

3 minutes ago, Fizzzzle said:

I should mention my best friend went off BC and got pregnant within a couple months (they wanted to get pregnant). I was shocked at how fast it happened.

I’m guessing they weren’t using condoms in that case. 

[Fizzzzle]

Just now, CastlevaniaNut18 said:

I’m guessing they weren’t using condoms in that case. 

Obviously. They were trying

 

[CastlevaniaNut18]

Just now, Fizzzzle said:

Obviously. They were trying

 

I’m not worried about an accidental pregnancy. But I will feel way better when he gets this done. It’s frustrating to me. I’ve done my part for nearly 2 decades. It’s his turn. 

[Fizzzzle]

2 minutes ago, CastlevaniaNut18 said:

I’m not worried about an accidental pregnancy. But I will feel way better when he gets this done. It’s frustrating to me. I’ve done my part for nearly 2 decades. It’s his turn. 

It does seem selfish. A vasectomy is like, a few days of pain?

 

Unless he wants kids still in the back of his mind, but you guys have been together for almost two decades, that ship has either sailed or is on course.

[thedarkstark]

On 2/16/2023 at 10:05 PM, Keyser_Soze said:

This guy was the GOAT! Nowadays you have people like Andrew Tate doing his schtick unironically and without a shred of cognizance.

 

Edit: holy shit he's still making vids  and they're still 🔥

[CastlevaniaNut18]

7 minutes ago, Fizzzzle said:

It does seem selfish. A vasectomy is like, a few days of pain?

 

Unless he wants kids still in the back of his mind, but you guys have been together for almost two decades, that ship has either sailed or is on course.

Believe me, it's been a source of frustration. I married a wonderful man, but this is one thing he's not handled well. He says it's money thing and he wanted the house paid off first, now he's apparently waiting on the tax bill. But he's got insurance, so how much can he really have to pay out of pocket? And let's be real: We aren't poor by any means. At one point, he acted like there was this tiny bit of uncertainty about wanting kids, but I'm like it's been so long and we've always been adamant about not having them, so why this now? I'm to the point where I don't want kids at al at this age due to the inherent risks. And he's even older(39 in April). He even tried to bargain with me, saying he'd do it if I lost weight(i fully acknowledge I need to lose weight),  but that REALLY didn't sit well with me and I let him have it.

 

I know he's gonna end up doing it, but the contention all this time has really created some unnecessary tension.

[Fizzzzle]

21 minutes ago, CastlevaniaNut18 said:

He even tried to bargain with me, saying he'd do it if I lost weight(i fully acknowledge I need to lose weight),  but that REALLY didn't sit well with me and I let him have it.

 

okay wat

 

I'm the farthest/furthest thing from the person you want giving relationship advice, but... wat

 

That's honestly pretty fucked up. And your husband seems like a pretty solid dude. But like... no? There are positive ways to motivate you to be healthier, and then there's... that.

[CastlevaniaNut18]

Just now, Fizzzzle said:

okay wat

 

I'm the farthest/furthest thing from the person you want giving relationship advice, but... wat

 

That's honestly pretty fucked up. And your husband seems like a pretty solid dude. But like... no? There are positive ways to motivate you to be healthier, and then there's... that.

Yeah, I agree. It's been a gradual slide over the years and trust me, I hate myself for it. But I'm not a tub of lard. I can still run and be active. I think of lot of the more recent gain has been my job, as I'd tend to stress eat and not eat well at it. I did just change to a new position and there's way less stress and I've already noticed a difference in my eating habits. So I'm hoping this helps. I also know I just need to buckle down and exercise some self control. He just now tried to further explain the logic behind that that he's afraid I'll just keep gaining and our marriage will crumble, but still. I  thought that was a really shitty way to go about this. It makes it all the more frustrating because it's not in line with how he normally is.

[Fizzzzle]

3 minutes ago, CastlevaniaNut18 said:

Yeah, I agree. It's been a gradual slide over the years and trust me, I hate myself for it. But I'm not a tub of lard. I can still run and be active. I think of lot of the more recent gain has been my job, as I'd tend to stress eat and not eat well at it. I did just change to a new position and there's way less stress and I've already noticed a difference in my eating habits. So I'm hoping this helps. I also know I just need to buckle down and exercise some self control. He just now tried to further explain the logic behind that that he's afraid I'll just keep gaining and our marriage will crumble, but still. I  thought that was a really shitty way to go about this. It makes it all the more frustrating because it's not in line with how he normally is.

Holding anything back in a relationship as a conditional "I'll give you a cookie if you stop eating cookies" is just generally not a healthy way to go about things. He literally tied the worth of your marriage to your weight, which.... oof.

 

I don't know you or him beyond what I've seen on this board, so y'know, fuck me. But like.... you're not a child. If I were you, I would feel like one if he said that to me. Especially saying "our marriage will crumble if you don't lose weight." OH REALLY, and here I thought I had some self worth...

[Guest]

That is not a winning strategy with anybody, especially not your spouse. I foresee him regretting saying that at some point. I mean, we’ve all said dumb things to our partners that we wish we hadn’t.

[TUFKAK]

1 hour ago, thedarkstark said:

This guy was the GOAT! Nowadays you have people like Andrew Tate doing his schtick unironically and without a shred of cognizance.

 

Edit: holy shit he's still making vids  and they're still 🔥

His evolution of the lifting man video was basically my life, sans not playing sports, I have said multiple times “who gives a shit about women” when I was told my physique wasn’t hot.

1 hour ago, CastlevaniaNut18 said:

Yeah, I agree. It's been a gradual slide over the years and trust me, I hate myself for it. But I'm not a tub of lard. I can still run and be active. I think of lot of the more recent gain has been my job, as I'd tend to stress eat and not eat well at it. I did just change to a new position and there's way less stress and I've already noticed a difference in my eating habits. So I'm hoping this helps. I also know I just need to buckle down and exercise some self control. He just now tried to further explain the logic behind that that he's afraid I'll just keep gaining and our marriage will crumble, but still. I  thought that was a really shitty way to go about this. It makes it all the more frustrating because it's not in line with how he normally is.

Yo wtf, I’m a former competitor and I’d never say that to my partners, my fiancé is still working on the weight gain from lockdown and me my gf train together.

 

You shoulda said well you don’t need a sterilization since you clearly don’t wanna have sex anyway.

 

I will say though there was a part of me that was hesitant to get it despite 100% knowing I wanted it. I felt in the verge of a syncopal episode the whole time.

[CastlevaniaNut18]

1 hour ago, Fizzzzle said:

Holding anything back in a relationship as a conditional "I'll give you a cookie if you stop eating cookies" is just generally not a healthy way to go about things. He literally tied the worth of your marriage to your weight, which.... oof.

 

I don't know you or him beyond what I've seen on this board, so y'know, fuck me. But like.... you're not a child. If I were you, I would feel like one if he said that to me. Especially saying "our marriage will crumble if you don't lose weight." OH REALLY, and here I thought I had some self worth...

No, you're correct. We've actually been discussing it some tonight while I cooked. I sliced my finger open while peeling potatoes, so he was forced to come take over and assist me. It's been productive, though.

6 minutes ago, TUFKAK said:

 

[CastlevaniaNut18]

9 minutes ago, TUFKAK said:

His evolution of the lifting man video was basically my life, sans not playing sports, I have said multiple times “who gives a shit about women” when I was told my physique wasn’t hot.

Yo wtf, I’m a former competitor and I’d never say that to my partners, my fiancé is still working on the weight gain from lockdown and me my gf train together.

 

You shoulda said well you don’t need a sterilization since you clearly don’t wanna have sex anyway.

 

I will say though there was a part of me that was hesitant to get it despite 100% knowing I wanted it. I felt in the verge of a syncopal episode the whole time.

Actually, our sex life has been better since I got off the BC. He's definitely still into it and my libido seems to have improved since I got off BC. That was the struggle for long, I just didn't have much drive.

 

But I agree with the rest.

[gamer.tv]

I wonder how long it’ll be till I get a vasectomy, we’re 99% sure we’re one and done…so just need to close that 1% gap.

 

Also, dear me to the comments…

[CastlevaniaNut18]

Actually, I thought the discussion was really helpful and I’m grateful to those here who responded to me. It’s nice to have a a safe place to talk about issues. The people here can be awesome. 

[gamer.tv]

I didn’t mean those made by the board members. 

[Anathema-]

Complicated thoughts here but I don't want to go all the way off like I know the whole situation. Really agitated to hear that someone's partner could be abusing insecurity for leverage though. Especially insecurity that I have a lot of personal experience with. I'm just going to say that's fucked up but reserving judgment. Hope it works out. 

[CastlevaniaNut18]

Given that we’ve been together for 18 years and have had very few real problems, I think it’ll work out okay. Like sbl said above, sometimes we say shit to our partner we later regret. 
 

It wasn’t right, but we did have a good discussion about it last night.