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Fizzle's 100% objective airport rankings, vol. 2


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George Bush Airport in Houston is 100% the best airport I've ever been to @sblfilms. It's like future airport land.


Portland gets points for still having the best wifi of any airport I've ever been to, even if the airport itself still looks like it was vomited out of 1983.


Atlanta fucking sucks and I hate it every time. No redeeming qualities.


I have flown into/out of LAX probably 20 times and I honestly couldn't tell you one thing about it other than I find the baggage claim kind of confusing and getting there sucks. Like how are you in the middle of fucking Venice Beach and it takes 20 minutes to drive there from goddamn Manhattan Beach? What in the actual fuck? I have to take a goddamn $20 uber for a distance that I could literally walk in 15 minutes? Oh, right, it's LA, it's car-only access everywhere. Absolute horseshit.


Those asides aside... rank time.

1) Houston

2) Denver

3) Narita

4) Frankfurt

5) Portland (I know, hometown pick, but the wifi has been free and full signal everywhere in the airport since like 2004. That counts for something)



5) LAX

4) SFO

3) Atlanta (I fucking hate that airport so much.... so much)

2) Bangkok (suvarnabhumi, the regional airport isn't that bad)

1) The worst airport I've ever been to, ever.... Beijing. 100% terrible, would not recommend, ever. It's like sleek and shiny, but secretly it's like you hired your cousin Jeb to build you an airport in exchange for a case of Budweiser and babysitting his kids for a weekend. Fucking awful.


Notable mentions:

 - A lot of people give Heathrow shit, and kind of rightfully so, but I actually respect what Heathrow does a lot. It somehow makes basically the largest airport on earth (some might say TOO large) somehow navigable. I'm not mad at it. Though it probably is too large. They really should do more to separate regional and international traffic, it turns into a clusterfuck real fast if you have the wrong connection.

 - I love people-watching in Dallas. It's such a microcosm of humanity. One time I was sitting at a bar in DFW and I could have sworn there was going to be a spontaneous electric slide, and FUCK I was ready to join.... it didn't happen, unfortunately. Still, lots of guys wearing sunglasses over their hats.

 - Burlington VT gets points for being an airport that you can literally just walk to. That is so rare. There are so few airports where you can literally just take a sidewalk to the ticketing areas.

 - In Puerto Vallarta, they give you free margaritas when you land. Just know that they're only doing it to try and sell you on a timeshare, but there is no rule that says you can't take a margarita and then tell them to fuck right off.

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