I'll address this part because the above goes without saying...
First of all "non-existence" has neither pleasure nor pain, as it is non-existent" Furthermore, you fail to reason the question of "is it better to love and lost, or to never have loved at all" This simple question is not one for you to answer, nor do you hold the answer to this question, as many people would testify to wanting either side. You seem to be knowledgeable of which side of the fence is greener, which is why I originally said "Thanos 2.0".
The most important part of this conversation is this: The path that you are on, is not the same path that everyone else is on, and as such, you are not, nor should you be, the arbiter of what constitutes our "direction" in which we are heading, nor the direction in which we should head.
get a dog to help you get a life partner, and be ok with doing so. Just don't be deceptive in your attempts at doing so.