Is there something you wish you could change in your life?

[Guest]

1 hour ago, SuperSpreader said:

 

It's more complicated than that. Moving here affected my development at an early age because I didn't speak English. It set me back in school and made interactions awkward. It turned me into an introvert. Had we stayed (and we could have) I would have developed into a completely different person, likely happier, as I am around Mexican culture. However, I'm too American now to ever fully fit in there, and too Mexican to ever fully fit in here.

Sorry bud, that is really tough. Do you think it is possible that your introverted nature makes you feel like you don’t fit in even if others don’t perceive you as not fitting in? I think about my wife and her siblings and how different each of their experiences are in adulthood and so much of it seems to be personality driven, but one of them in particular comes to mind in reading your thoughts here. She feels similarly that she doesn’t fit in to either typical American settings or typical Mexican settings.

 

Also, to hell with fitting in anyway. One of the things I finally rid myself of fully in the last year or so was giving a single ounce of care as to whether people like me, accept me, or anything else. I don’t go out of my way to make people uncomfortable or anything, but I am the unvarnished me at all times. And that’s how I’ve found my true tribe.

[SuperSpreader]

3 minutes ago, sblfilms said:

Sorry bud, that is really tough. Do you think it is possible that your introverted nature makes you feel like you don’t fit in even if others don’t perceive you as not fitting in? I think about my wife and her siblings and how different each of their experiences are in adulthood and so much of it seems to be personality driven, but one of them in particular comes to mind in reading your thoughts here. She feels similarly that she doesn’t fit in to either typical American settings or typical Mexican settings.

 

Also, to hell with fitting in anyway. One of the things I finally rid myself of fully in the last year or so was giving a single ounce of care as to whether people like me, accept me, or anything else. I don’t go out of my way to make people uncomfortable or anything, but I am the unvarnished me at all times. And that’s how I’ve found my true tribe.

 

No one thinks I don't fit it. It's an internal dialogue in my head, I'm proud to not fit in but at the same time it's because I don't feel connected to most people or places. I know I was a different person before coming here and coming here was a complete shock. On the outside I'm fine and successful, great salary, etc, inside I'm depressed that I'm living some foreign life to who I feel I am and cannot have anymore. I don't care if people do or don't accept me, but I wish I could feel "home" and I don't think it exists for me nor will it ever. Sometimes it feels like everything is a lost cause because I'll never be happy anywhere anymore and I can see how someone like Bourdain killed himself. (I won't I'm too stubborn and not that kind of depressed. No worries.)

 

 

[SuperSpreader]

3 minutes ago, Rachel said:

 

Why’d your parents leave when they could have stayed?

 

I don't know. My dad didn't have a career here and he did there, I think they thought they'd give us better opportunities here, but since my dad left his career all we did was struggle. 

[SuperSpreader]

2 minutes ago, Rachel said:

Maybe it’s possible to still create your own feeling of home for yourself even after the move and shock you went through as a child. Maybe. 

 

Maybe, I think I need to come to terms with it in the way it took me a while to come to terms that there is no god. 

 

[SuperSpreader]

I don't think it helps that I've moved back to TX to help my parents retire. So there's a lot of unresolved emotions here that I was able to run away from in CA for 22 years. 

[AlwaysDyingX]

On 2/8/2022 at 6:37 PM, Mr.Vic20 said:

Lower blood pressure! I'm doing what I can for it at the moment, but it needs to be quite a bit lower. 

 

3 years ago when I turned 40 my BP medication just decided to stop working. NOT FUN. I was on the same medication for 20 years prior and I had to go through a bunch before I found a new one I was good with. If you don't mind me asking, what is your BP that you need to get it lower. Last time I was at the doctor I was 125/85 and I was not happy about it. Doctor shrugged and said I'm fine. I disagree and continue to work on it

[Biggie]

3 minutes ago, BasemntDweller2 said:

 

3 years ago when I turned 40 my BP medication just decided to stop working. NOT FUN. I was on the same medication for 20 years prior and I had to go through a bunch before I found a new one I was good with. If you don't mind me asking, what is your BP that you need to get it lower. Last time I was at the doctor I was 125/85 and I was not happy about it. Doctor shrugged and said I'm fine. I disagree and continue to work on it

The diastolic seems a bit high. 

[Mr.Vic20]

1 hour ago, BasemntDweller2 said:

 

3 years ago when I turned 40 my BP medication just decided to stop working. NOT FUN. I was on the same medication for 20 years prior and I had to go through a bunch before I found a new one I was good with. If you don't mind me asking, what is your BP that you need to get it lower. Last time I was at the doctor I was 125/85 and I was not happy about it. Doctor shrugged and said I'm fine. I disagree and continue to work on it

158/85 , so you know, not good! That said, no family member of mine, on either side, going back several generations has died of a heart attack. My family dies from stokes in their 80/90s!