@Fizzzzle I'm currently driving your way!

[Joe]

Not really, I'm actually sitting on my ass in Jersey lol. 

 

Anyway, what's your most ridiculous bartending story? One time a dude threw a glass of water in my face.

[best3444]

Lol you're a silly goose. I'm interested in your question, though. Fizzzzle is well seasoned in life and I know he has some great stories to share from his work.

[Fizzzzle]

There have been 2 times where guns have been pulled while I'm working, but I just happened to not be in the room while it happened and by the time I got back everything was under control. It was like walking into a room filled with butter for air, and I was just like "wait, what the fuck just happened?"

 

Though there was another time this dude got up in my face after I cut him off. Now, I'm not a large guy. I'm like 5'7" with good posture, and not particularly built. The thing is, 99.99% of people aren't going to punch the bartender, even when they're wasted. Punching the bartender is a great way to get yourself new accommodations for the weekend if you catch my drift.  So I'm not worried about telling someone to fuck off, even if they're twice my size. So I cut this dude off, and he got up in my face. He had a couple friends that were trying to calm him down, and again, I wasn't worried anyway. This other random guy came up to like have my back or something, then I had to tell HIM to fuck off (the drunk guy isn't going to punch me, but I can't guarantee he won't punch the other guy, then we have a problem), and before you know it we kind of had a mexican standoff until I just told everyone in the building to leave.

 

One time a guy was so wasted (I didn't serve him, he came in that way) he walked behind the bar, which is a big no-no. I grabbed him and threw him out, then he was like "oh, I'm so sorry, where am I? Can I just use the restroom real quick?" Me, being the big softy I am, was like "yeah sure, whatever, just get the fuck out after." He threw up ALL. OVER. THE. BATHROOM. Like how do you even get puke on the ceiling? He's tried to come back into the bar on a number of occasions since then. No. I will not let him in, ever. I don't care how drunk he was. That was an unforgivable offense and I will remember his face for all eternity. I could be working at a podunk bar in Mississippi when I'm 60 and his ass could come in, and I will still be like YOU GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY ESTABLISHMENT.

 

...cleaning up puke off the fucking ceiling.

[Fizzzzle]

One thing I miss from normal times is being able to yell at people. No one can sit at the bar, no one can play pool, hardly anyone uses the jukebox...

 

Yelling "GET THAT FUCKING DRINK OFF THE POOL TABLE" from across the room was one of my favorite things, and I haven't been able to do that in over a year...

[Fizzzzle]

Just now, Rachel said:

do you actually swear at people about it though?

Absolutely. Not in a demeaning way, though. Like, I'd never call someone a name, but I will emphasize that "yes you do need to do what I fucking say." It doesn't happen all that often, but I do like it when it does happen.

[Fizzzzle]

1 minute ago, Rachel said:

seems rude and unnecessary to swear at people, especially the first time you ask them to do something. 

It's never the first time I ask. There are warnings.

[best3444]

I couldn't handle your job, dude. I don't have the patience for people but you seem like you keep things under control. I figured you'd have a few good stories to share. 

[Fizzzzle]

3 minutes ago, best3444 said:

I couldn't handle your job, dude. I don't have the patience for people but you seem like you keep things under control. I figured you'd have a few good stories to share. 

You just kind of get numb after a while. You have to take care of people but you also have to know when to be an asshole. it's like babysitting grown ups. As far as things happening in the bar, it takes a lot to shock or scare me at this point.