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Football Deadspin's "Why Your Team Sucks 2019" has started - today: Seattle Seahawks

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I want to pick the best line, but I can't choose! This might be the best entry ever.

 

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Heisman winner and No. 1 overall pick Kyler Murray, who gave up a job in Oakland (playing baseball) in exchange for the privilege of ending up stranded in the middle of the fucking desert. It’s like they made the Raiders into a person! NEAT!

 

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Kliff Kingsbury looks like a long lost member of The Chainsmokers.

 

:lol:

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My favorite line: Sherman ran upfield to cover a fade route on the first drive of week 1 last year and hasn’t been seen since.

 

Second favorite: They got sent to play that Oakland game in a suffocating haze of smoke from the Camp Fire that was unsafe for all citizens but, as expected, deemed perfectly safe for NFL football.

 

Overall I wish my team’s was funnier though 

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19 hours ago, Kal-El814 said:

It truly is the best time of the year to be a Jets fan. 

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The one single highlight of being a Jets Fan – their Super Bowl win in January of 1969 - I had to miss because I had to go to Donny Bousel’s Bar Mitzvah. I didn’t even see him much after 7th grade. Looking back, who has a Bar Mitzvah Reception on a Sunday? Donny fucking Bousel apparently.

 

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1 hour ago, SFLUFAN said:

Eli Manning has been terrible for far, far, longer than he's been good. The one silver lining of his inevitable Hall of Fame induction is that I'll finally have a literal monument to white privilege and failing upward.

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2 hours ago, Kal-El814 said:

Eli Manning has been terrible for far, far, longer than he's been good. The one silver lining of his inevitable Hall of Fame induction is that I'll finally have a literal monument to white privilege and failing upward.

 

It's the Super Bowls that put him over the top.

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"Fittingly, the Mara family would always prefer jobs be inherited rather than earned."

 

Glorious. 

 

"My son and I have more advanced games of catch, and I’m fucking brain-damaged."

 

:lol:

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read it earlier, as always highly accurate description of not just the Bills but western NY life in general.

 

Every year we get more letters from Bills fan than from pretty much every other team, and the tone of them all is uniform. These people are ready to slowly poison themselves with Genny Cream in the parking lot and tattoo #BillsMafia on their dicks, all to burn out the clock on an inevitably fruitless season and an even more inevitably fruitless existence. They know their shit is getting old. We’ve posted enough videos of these people setting fire to Malibu rum shots to last a lifetime. Eventually, the adrenaline wears off and you realize that you’re just trying to numb your soul.

 

Fun fact, the woman I am dating right now her dad is on the Bill's jumbotron hype video as a wildly cheering fan, the footage was shot at their miracle playoff game against the Houston Oilers in 1993... it is still being used today.

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On 8/1/2019 at 2:51 PM, SFLUFAN said:

 

On 8/1/2019 at 4:06 PM, elbobo said:

read it earlier, as always highly accurate description of not just the Bills but western NY life in general.

 

Every year we get more letters from Bills fan than from pretty much every other team, and the tone of them all is uniform. These people are ready to slowly poison themselves with Genny Cream in the parking lot and tattoo #BillsMafia on their dicks, all to burn out the clock on an inevitably fruitless season and an even more inevitably fruitless existence. They know their shit is getting old. We’ve posted enough videos of these people setting fire to Malibu rum shots to last a lifetime. Eventually, the adrenaline wears off and you realize that you’re just trying to numb your soul.

 

Fun fact, the woman I am dating right now her dad is on the Bill's jumbotron hype video as a wildly cheering fan, the footage was shot at their miracle playoff game against the Houston Oilers in 1993... it is still being used today.

 

My mother past away in 2001...by the end of 2016, three-quarters of a generation, she hadn't missed a single playoff game.

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37 minutes ago, thewhyteboar said:

Those were some dark emails.

Especially the one from the guy whose father was dying from blood poisoning.

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I’ve lived in Cincinnati for 2 years now. It’s the first time I’ve lived in a city with an NFL team. I often forget that we have an NFL team. For that, I’ve had longtime fans call me lucky. 

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The team’s leadership ditched their iconic helmet logo in favor of something that looks like the logo for a major bank that’s had a significant data leak in the past year.

That’s good writing!

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2 hours ago, SFLUFAN said:

The Dolphins are totally gonna screw up tanking this season.

Hold our beer.

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Noted supporter of Native American culture, Dan Snyder, invited tribal groups to “bless” the dodgy field at FedEx before the game against the Texans. Having been invoked, the Spirits assessed Dan and his character and meted out the appropriate reward: Alex Smith’s fibula shattered like a plate at a Greek folk dance.

 

Good god.

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