Football Deadspin's "Why Your Team Sucks 2019" has started - finally: New England Patriots

[Commissar SFLUFAN]

Today: Los Angeles Rams

[Ghost_MH]

Let's top this off with the Patriots.

 

Here's my input, as a Pats fan...

 

They've completely distorted my enjoyment of the game. This team barely exists during the regular season to me. I catch like six games during the regular season and finish like three of them. The post season comes along and I start actually finishing game every week. They won the most boring Super Bowl imaginable. I was elated, and then completely forgot about it a week later. I remember their Super Bowl losses more than their wins at this point and that's probably makes me as miserable as every other Pats fan. At the very least, I'm not a feckless asshole or some virtue signaling Pats fan.

[Dodger]

Fuckin Rams. Too bad every team in Arizona is shit or I’d jump on a bandwagon or two

[Kal-El814]

2 hours ago, Ghost_MH said:

Let's top this off with the Patriots.

 

Here's my input, as a Pats fan...

 

They've completely distorted my enjoyment of the game. This team barely exists during the regular season to me. I catch like six games during the regular season and finish like three of them. The post season comes along and I start actually finishing game every week. They won the most boring Super Bowl imaginable. I was elated, and then completely forgot about it a week later. I remember their Super Bowl losses more than their wins at this point and that's probably makes me as miserable as every other Pats fan. At the very least, I'm not a feckless asshole or some virtue signaling Pats fan.

As a Jets fan living in New England who moved to the Boston area in 2002, the change in Pats fans is really incredible. I know a LOT of people who earnestly claim that Brady looks good in the worst fedora ever created. They honestly believe the equipment manager was nicknamed "the deflator" because of weight loss. I know not one but TWO Pats fans who shit on Gwyneth Paltrow for her vaginal steaming / eggs but who have gotten sunburn because they stopped using sunscreen after Brady said hydration keeps him from getting a burned. I have been earnestly asked this year if I think the Jets are going to win the division this year because Brady is old, I have heard an equal number of people say Brady could honestly play into his 50's. I've heard people say Kraft getting caught in a rub and tug situation is a Goodell honeypot, the same people who also think Goodell couldn't spell NFL if you spotted him the N and the F.

 

The entire region has brain worms when it comes to this team.

[thewhyteboar]

Quote

Tom Brady got suspended four games for doctoring footballs and yet no one, including the NFL, gives half a shit that he and the Patriots have, for YEARS now, circumvented the cap by paying Brady’s vanity company for contract work, allowing Brady to consistently play for less than market value so that the cupboard around him can remain fully stocked.

 

[RedSoxFan9]

Patriots fans were crazy before Tom Brady was in the league. Spygate took the insanity to a whole 'nother level.

[Kal-El814]

37 minutes ago, RedSoxFan9 said:

Patriots fans were crazy before Tom Brady was in the league. Spygate took the insanity to a whole 'nother level.

It’s a different kind of crazy. A “Brady is soft because he kisses his son and Gisele feeds him sandwiches,” despite unpteen rings crazy. 

[Ghost_MH]

3 hours ago, Kal-El814 said:

As a Jets fan living in New England who moved to the Boston area in 2002, the change in Pats fans is really incredible. I know a LOT of people who earnestly claim that Brady looks good in the worst fedora ever created. They honestly believe the equipment manager was nicknamed "the deflator" because of weight loss. I know not one but TWO Pats fans who shit on Gwyneth Paltrow for her vaginal steaming / eggs but who have gotten sunburn because they stopped using sunscreen after Brady said hydration keeps him from getting a burned. I have been earnestly asked this year if I think the Jets are going to win the division this year because Brady is old, I have heard an equal number of people say Brady could honestly play into his 50's. I've heard people say Kraft getting caught in a rub and tug situation is a Goodell honeypot, the same people who also think Goodell couldn't spell NFL if you spotted him the N and the F.

 

The entire region has brain worms when it comes to this team.

 

I've been a Pats fan since I was 10 or 11, so sometime around when Bledsoe and Parcells joined the team. The fans have completely changed. They were America's darling around the time of their first SB win because of the ridiculously gross patriotism the NFL tried to market after 9/11. The rest of the country moved on and a shitload of Pats fans just didn't. What's even worse is every rich kid who moves out here to go to some expensive as hell school on their parent's dime, sticks around long enough to jump on the bandwagon, and then spreads their dark seed back home as soon as they leave the state. If the Republicans are happiest when the world burns if it owns the libs, then the vast majority of Patriots fans are exactly the same way. If concussions don't end the league, it's going to be viewership dying off when we discover Belichick really did sell his soul when he keeps churning out championship berths at the ripe old age of 172, fifty years after Brady retired. Either that or when global warming floods Boston and I have to move to another state to find work.

[RedSoxFan9]

 

[Commodore D]

On 8/13/2019 at 4:01 PM, SFLUFAN said:

Today: Cleveland Browns

This doesn’t even sting a bit. As a Browns season ticket holder, obviously I like to cut my tongue multiple times, then eat salted lemons. This was more like wiping with warehouse TP.