Commissar SFLUFAN Posted July 22, 2019 Share Posted July 22, 2019 Let us rejoice at the return of the BEST part of the NFL season! First up, the Arizona Cardinals Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris- Posted July 22, 2019 Share Posted July 22, 2019 I want to pick the best line, but I can't choose! This might be the best entry ever. Quote Heisman winner and No. 1 overall pick Kyler Murray, who gave up a job in Oakland (playing baseball) in exchange for the privilege of ending up stranded in the middle of the fucking desert. It’s like they made the Raiders into a person! NEAT! Quote Kliff Kingsbury looks like a long lost member of The Chainsmokers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GeneticBlueprint Posted July 22, 2019 Share Posted July 22, 2019 This is my absolute favorite part of the pre-season and is IMO always the best sports writing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thewhyteboar Posted July 23, 2019 Share Posted July 23, 2019 The Giants one will be a blast. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Commissar SFLUFAN Posted July 23, 2019 Author Share Posted July 23, 2019 Today: San Francisco 49ers @johnny Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johnny Posted July 23, 2019 Share Posted July 23, 2019 My favorite line: Sherman ran upfield to cover a fade route on the first drive of week 1 last year and hasn’t been seen since. Second favorite: They got sent to play that Oakland game in a suffocating haze of smoke from the Camp Fire that was unsafe for all citizens but, as expected, deemed perfectly safe for NFL football. Overall I wish my team’s was funnier though Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Commissar SFLUFAN Posted July 24, 2019 Author Share Posted July 24, 2019 Today: New York Jest @Kal-El814 @Snaynay1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kal-El814 Posted July 24, 2019 Share Posted July 24, 2019 22 minutes ago, SFLUFAN said: Today: New York Jest @Kal-El814 @Snaynay1 It truly is the best time of the year to be a Jets fan. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Commissar SFLUFAN Posted July 25, 2019 Author Share Posted July 25, 2019 19 hours ago, Kal-El814 said: It truly is the best time of the year to be a Jets fan. Quote The one single highlight of being a Jets Fan – their Super Bowl win in January of 1969 - I had to miss because I had to go to Donny Bousel’s Bar Mitzvah. I didn’t even see him much after 7th grade. Looking back, who has a Bar Mitzvah Reception on a Sunday? Donny fucking Bousel apparently. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Commissar SFLUFAN Posted July 25, 2019 Author Share Posted July 25, 2019 Today: Oakland Raiders @AbsolutSurgen 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Commissar SFLUFAN Posted July 26, 2019 Author Share Posted July 26, 2019 Today: Tampa Bay Buccaneers @Dre801 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Commissar SFLUFAN Posted July 29, 2019 Author Share Posted July 29, 2019 Today: New York Giants @thewhyteboar Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kal-El814 Posted July 29, 2019 Share Posted July 29, 2019 1 hour ago, SFLUFAN said: Today: New York Giants @thewhyteboar Eli Manning has been terrible for far, far, longer than he's been good. The one silver lining of his inevitable Hall of Fame induction is that I'll finally have a literal monument to white privilege and failing upward. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe Posted July 29, 2019 Share Posted July 29, 2019 2 hours ago, Kal-El814 said: Eli Manning has been terrible for far, far, longer than he's been good. The one silver lining of his inevitable Hall of Fame induction is that I'll finally have a literal monument to white privilege and failing upward. It's the Super Bowls that put him over the top. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thewhyteboar Posted July 29, 2019 Share Posted July 29, 2019 "Fittingly, the Mara family would always prefer jobs be inherited rather than earned." Glorious. "My son and I have more advanced games of catch, and I’m fucking brain-damaged." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Commissar SFLUFAN Posted July 30, 2019 Author Share Posted July 30, 2019 Today: Jacksonville Jaguars Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Commissar SFLUFAN Posted July 31, 2019 Author Share Posted July 31, 2019 Today: Detroit Lions Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedSoxFan9 Posted July 31, 2019 Share Posted July 31, 2019 I can't wait for Matt Stafford to make the HoF Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Commissar SFLUFAN Posted August 1, 2019 Author Share Posted August 1, 2019 Today: Buffalo Bills @elbobo @BuckFly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elbobo Posted August 1, 2019 Share Posted August 1, 2019 read it earlier, as always highly accurate description of not just the Bills but western NY life in general. Every year we get more letters from Bills fan than from pretty much every other team, and the tone of them all is uniform. These people are ready to slowly poison themselves with Genny Cream in the parking lot and tattoo #BillsMafia on their dicks, all to burn out the clock on an inevitably fruitless season and an even more inevitably fruitless existence. They know their shit is getting old. We’ve posted enough videos of these people setting fire to Malibu rum shots to last a lifetime. Eventually, the adrenaline wears off and you realize that you’re just trying to numb your soul. Fun fact, the woman I am dating right now her dad is on the Bill's jumbotron hype video as a wildly cheering fan, the footage was shot at their miracle playoff game against the Houston Oilers in 1993... it is still being used today. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Commissar SFLUFAN Posted August 2, 2019 Author Share Posted August 2, 2019 Today: Denver Broncos Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BuckFly Posted August 5, 2019 Share Posted August 5, 2019 On 8/1/2019 at 2:51 PM, SFLUFAN said: Today: Buffalo Bills @elbobo @BuckFly On 8/1/2019 at 4:06 PM, elbobo said: read it earlier, as always highly accurate description of not just the Bills but western NY life in general. Every year we get more letters from Bills fan than from pretty much every other team, and the tone of them all is uniform. These people are ready to slowly poison themselves with Genny Cream in the parking lot and tattoo #BillsMafia on their dicks, all to burn out the clock on an inevitably fruitless season and an even more inevitably fruitless existence. They know their shit is getting old. We’ve posted enough videos of these people setting fire to Malibu rum shots to last a lifetime. Eventually, the adrenaline wears off and you realize that you’re just trying to numb your soul. Fun fact, the woman I am dating right now her dad is on the Bill's jumbotron hype video as a wildly cheering fan, the footage was shot at their miracle playoff game against the Houston Oilers in 1993... it is still being used today. My mother past away in 2001...by the end of 2016, three-quarters of a generation, she hadn't missed a single playoff game. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Commissar SFLUFAN Posted August 5, 2019 Author Share Posted August 5, 2019 Today: Cincinnati Bengals Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thewhyteboar Posted August 6, 2019 Share Posted August 6, 2019 9 hours ago, SFLUFAN said: Today: Cincinnati Bengals Those were some dark emails. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Commissar SFLUFAN Posted August 6, 2019 Author Share Posted August 6, 2019 37 minutes ago, thewhyteboar said: Those were some dark emails. Especially the one from the guy whose father was dying from blood poisoning. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheLeon Posted August 6, 2019 Share Posted August 6, 2019 I’ve lived in Cincinnati for 2 years now. It’s the first time I’ve lived in a city with an NFL team. I often forget that we have an NFL team. For that, I’ve had longtime fans call me lucky. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Commissar SFLUFAN Posted August 6, 2019 Author Share Posted August 6, 2019 Today: Green Bay Packers Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Commissar SFLUFAN Posted August 7, 2019 Author Share Posted August 7, 2019 Today: Miami Dolphins @SFLUFAN Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kal-El814 Posted August 7, 2019 Share Posted August 7, 2019 Quote The team’s leadership ditched their iconic helmet logo in favor of something that looks like the logo for a major bank that’s had a significant data leak in the past year. That’s good writing! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Commissar SFLUFAN Posted August 7, 2019 Author Share Posted August 7, 2019 The Dolphins are totally gonna screw up tanking this season. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kal-El814 Posted August 7, 2019 Share Posted August 7, 2019 2 hours ago, SFLUFAN said: The Dolphins are totally gonna screw up tanking this season. Hold our beer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Commissar SFLUFAN Posted August 8, 2019 Author Share Posted August 8, 2019 Today: Atlanta Falcons Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thewhyteboar Posted August 9, 2019 Share Posted August 9, 2019 8 hours ago, SFLUFAN said: Today: Atlanta Falcons "Georgia is a backwater dictatorship run by fervent Bull Connor fanboys." Accurate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Commissar SFLUFAN Posted August 9, 2019 Author Share Posted August 9, 2019 Today: Washington Football Team Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris- Posted August 9, 2019 Share Posted August 9, 2019 Quote Noted supporter of Native American culture, Dan Snyder, invited tribal groups to “bless” the dodgy field at FedEx before the game against the Texans. Having been invoked, the Spirits assessed Dan and his character and meted out the appropriate reward: Alex Smith’s fibula shattered like a plate at a Greek folk dance. Good god. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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