Living Alone Causes Mental Disorders, Study Finds

[Anathema-]

I agree with wade that it's our expectations for love and relationships that are killing us more than their simple absence.

 

Also "confidence" is nothing more than a buzzword that doesn't come close to describing what it thinks it does. Knowing what you want, seeking it out, and not apologizing for it is what comes off as confidence. It's the first part that's hardest, especially for those of us trapped in the over-thinkers camp, especially as you can "know" what you want and despite being wrong following through will still work.

 

Also trying to connect with as many people as you can helps. Once you get to a critical mass you'll find yourself being the one who does the rejecting at least sometimes. That doesn't feel great but it helps getting over the fear as you realize that having a few bullet points in common doesn't rise to something worth caring about getting rejected over.

 

And maybe romantic love isn't for you, not because of external factors but instead personal feeling. It's okay to have no real desire for a relationship. It's okay to want to fuck even if you don't want a relationship. It's true that not taking care of yourself will make it harder to fuck without a relationship, and yes being overweight can make it harder still but it's not impossible. Even then it's hard out there for almost everyone and as you remember to try and be kind to others never forget the first and last person you need to be kind to is yourself.

[Anathema-]

1 hour ago, TheLeon said:

I can't speak for Zaku, but personally I have a really hard time putting myself out there at all, even with apps/sites. And I'm not even talking about romantic partners, just base level friends. This is something that I uncovered kinda recently in therapy - I've never had real friends. Sure, in school there was the group of kids I would play with or whatever, but establishing and maintaining close personal bonds just seems completely alien. 

 

You just have to make time for people. The close personal bonds come from having shared experiences which can only come with time.

 

If you really want friends there is certainly some kind of local event you can get into. Painting & drinks, trivia nights, d&d games and magic tournaments, tons of stuff. You obviously have to be willing to give up some personal time but you would with any friendship anyway .. And if you're not willing to give it up? Then lean in and recognize you're choosing to be alone and that's totally fine.

[Boyle5150]

3 minutes ago, Anathema- said:

I agree with wade that it's our expectations for love and relationships that are killing us more than their simple absence.

 

Also "confidence" is nothing more than a buzzword that doesn't come close to describing what it thinks it does. Knowing what you want, seeking it out, and not apologizing for it is what comes off as confidence. It's the first part that's hardest, especially for those of us trapped in the over-thinkers camp, especially as you can "know" what you want and despite being wrong following through will still work.

 

Also trying to connect with as many people as you can helps. Once you get to a critical mass you'll find yourself being the one who does the rejecting at least sometimes. That doesn't feel great but it helps getting over the fear as you realize that having a few bullet points in common doesn't rise to something worth caring about getting rejected over.

 

And maybe romantic love isn't for you, not because of external factors but instead personal feeling. It's okay to have no real desire for a relationship. It's okay to want to fuck even if you don't want a relationship. It's true that not taking care of yourself will make it harder to fuck without a relationship, and yes being overweight can make it harder still but it's not impossible. Even then it's hard out there for almost everyone and as you remember to try and be kind to others never forget the first and last person you need to be kind to is yourself.

[Boyle5150]

Just now, Anathema- said:

 

You just have to make time for people. The close personal bonds come from having shared experiences which can only come with time.

 

If you really want friends there is certainly some kind of local event you can get into. Painting & drinks, trivia nights, d&d games and magic tournaments, tons of stuff. You obviously have to be willing to give up some personal time but you would with any friendship anyway .. And if you're not willing to give it up? Then lean in and recognize you're choosing to be alone and that's totally fine.

Also, a good haircut always helps!

[marioandsonic]

24 minutes ago, Anathema- said:

And maybe romantic love isn't for you, not because of external factors but instead personal feeling. It's okay to have no real desire for a relationship. It's okay to want to fuck even if you don't want a relationship. It's true that not taking care of yourself will make it harder to fuck without a relationship, and yes being overweight can make it harder still but it's not impossible. Even then it's hard out there for almost everyone and as you remember to try and be kind to others never forget the first and last person you need to be kind to is yourself.

Getting off-topic here, but the bolded part why I feel things like brothels and prostitution should be legalised and regulated.

[Commissar SFLUFAN]

For heaven's sake, the last reason in the world to adopt an animal companion -- adorable or otherwise -- should be for something as ridiculously trivial as "impressing" a woman (or man).  Hell, it should not even be a reason at all.

[Boyle5150]

1 minute ago, SFLUFAN said:

For heaven's sake, the last reason in the world to adopt an animal companion -- adorable or otheewise -- should be for something as ridiculously trivial as "impressing" a woman (or man).  Hell, it should not even be a reason at all.

It should be a reason.  A reason that brings companionship to their owners.   Both from the animals and humans perspective.  

[TheLeon]

12 minutes ago, Anathema- said:

 

You just have to make time for people. The close personal bonds come from having shared experiences which can only come with time.

 

If you really want friends there is certainly some kind of local event you can get into. Painting & drinks, trivia nights, d&d games and magic tournaments, tons of stuff. You obviously have to be willing to give up some personal time but you would with any friendship anyway .. And if you're not willing to give it up? Then lean in and recognize you're choosing to be alone and that's totally fine.

I've actually gone to a few meetup events set up by a local Facebook group. They're usually at a local board game bar, which is perfect for me. And I can go and chat about random bullshit while having a beer and playing Codenames, but after a couple hours and everyone goes home, that's it. I can't get beyond that. I want to get beyond that, but it feels physically impossible. And it goes beyond not having confidence, it wouldn't be any easier if I was swole or had a better job or whatever. It's that my brain sucks. 

[Anathema-]

7 minutes ago, TheLeon said:

I've actually gone to a few meetup events set up by a local Facebook group. They're usually at a local board game bar, which is perfect for me. And I can go and chat about random bullshit while having a beer and playing Codenames, but after a couple hours and everyone goes home, that's it. I can't get beyond that. I want to get beyond that, but it feels physically impossible. And it goes beyond not having confidence, it wouldn't be any easier if I was swole or had a better job or whatever. It's that my brain sucks. 

 

Why would it be impossible? Pick the person (or established group) you like to spend time with and ask if they want to watch the game of thrones finale together or some shit. If you want it, make the time. 

[Commissar SFLUFAN]

12 minutes ago, Boyle5150 said:

It should be a reason.  A reason that brings companionship to their owners.   Both from the animals and humans perspective.  

If it is a reason (which it is most certainly not), then it should be so far down the list that it barely qualifies as one.

 

Anyone who adopts an animal with that as their primary reason needs to have their face shoved into a broken mirror.

[marioandsonic]

There's a nearby game tournament that I go to once a month.

 

I havent gone the last couple months because of moving and other events, but still.  There's also a weekly tournament closer to me, but again, life has gotten in the way of going so far.

[Anathema-]

1 minute ago, marioandsonic said:

There's a nearby game tournament that I go to once a month.

 

I havent gone the last couple months because of moving and other events, but still.  There's also a weekly tournament closer to me, but again, life has gotten in the way of going so far.

 

It happens. Just go back when you can. They all miss you.

[Boyle5150]

Just now, SFLUFAN said:

If it is a reason, then it should be so far down the list that it barely qualifies as one.

 

Anyone who adopts an animal with that as their primary reason needs to have their face shoved into a broken mirror.

If it is their sole reason, then I don't really disagree, but to also use it as a way to increase evolutionary chances of reproduction/happiness/love/connection/etc then by all means, use all the tools at your disposal.  

 

[Commissar SFLUFAN]

3 minutes ago, Boyle5150 said:

If it is their sole reason, then I don't really disagree, but to also use it as a way to increase evolutionary chances of reproduction/happiness/love/connection/etc then by all means, use all the tools at your disposal.  

It's a living creature, not a "tool".

 

And anyone who thinks that adopting an animal is a way to increase their chances of that socially-dictated nonsense has far, FAR deeper issues to address before they can even begin to think that they are capable of those things, with or without an animal companion.  It actually tells me that they are intellectually and emotionally incapable of caring for even a goldfish.

[Boyle5150]

I also believe that anyone who adopts a child to fill a hole in their life, should also shove their face in a broken mirror. 

 

I can continue with a great deal of things that bring people joy that makes me want to shove peoples faces into a broken mirror, but I will save my virtue signaling for another time. 

[marioandsonic]

2 minutes ago, Anathema- said:

 

It happens. Just go back when you can. They all miss you.

I do enjoy the interactions, which is the number one reason I go.  It's not like I'm constantly in the top 3 or anything anyway. 

 

Anyway, on the subject of pets, I am hoping to own a cat by Halloween.

[Commissar SFLUFAN]

1 minute ago, Boyle5150 said:

I also believe that anyone who adopts a child to fill a hole in their life, should also shove their face in a broken mirror. 

People who actually give birth to children for that reason should have their faces shoved into a broken mirror.

[Boyle5150]

4 minutes ago, SFLUFAN said:

People who actually give birth to children for that reason should have their faces shoved into a broken mirror.

seek help

 

Absolutely everything anyone or anything does, is to fill some sort of need or desire.  

[Anathema-]

3 minutes ago, marioandsonic said:

I do enjoy the interactions, which is the number one reason I go.  It's not like I'm constantly in the top 3 or anything anyway. 

 

Anyway, on the subject of pets, I am hoping to own a cat by Halloween.

 

Add enough enjoyable interactions together and pretty soon you've got a friendship.

 

[Boyle5150]

1 minute ago, Anathema- said:

 

Add enough enjoyable interactions together and pretty soon you've got a friendship.

 

anyone who seeks friendship to fill a hole in their lives should have their face shoved into a broken mirror. 

[Commissar SFLUFAN]

10 minutes ago, Boyle5150 said:

seek help

 

Absolutely everything anyone or anything does, is to fill some sort of need or desire.  

When filling that need or desire may involve the significant impact on the life of another living being or even the creation of life itself, it is incumbent upon the individual filling that need to carefully consider all the implications of doing so upon that other's life as well as their personal motivations in doing so.
 

I fail to see what's so "crazy" about that.

 

If someone is creating a child to fill a "hole" in their lives -- as my former roommate was considering at one point -- then I have serious doubts about that person's fitness to be a parent or caregiver simply because they haven't taken adequate care of themselves first to not have that motivation in the first place.

[Boyle5150]

Just now, SFLUFAN said:

When filling that need or desire may involve the significant impact on the life of another living being or even the creation of life itself, it is incumbent upon the individual filling that need to carefully consider all of the implications of doing so upon that other's life as well as their personal motivations in doing so.
 

I fail to see what's so "crazy" about that.

I fail to see why you think it can only be one direction?  You automatically assume it impacts the life in a negative manner.  These things can be beneficial for all involved, creating an overall increase of well being.   How/why is that bad?  

[Commissar SFLUFAN]

3 minutes ago, Boyle5150 said:

I fail to see why you think it can only be one direction?  You automatically assume it impacts the life in a negative manner.  These things can be beneficial for all involved, creating an overall increase of well being.   How/why is that bad?  

It is only logical and rational when dealing with something as important as the life of another being to assume that the effects of any negative impacts will significantly outweigh the effects of any positive impacts.  I actually do believe that there is research that supports this position in that the "trauma" caused by negative experiences has more long-lasting effects than the "bliss" caused by positive experiences.

 

As a result, it is a far more "moral" position to put greater weight on the potential negatives than the potential positives and therefore take actions that we believe will mitigate those negative impacts to the best of our abilities.

[Boyle5150]

Just now, SFLUFAN said:

It is only logical and rational when dealing with something as important as the life of another being to assume that the effects of any negative impacts will significantly outweigh the effects of any positive impacts.  I actually do believe that there is research that supports this position in that the "trauma" caused by negative experiences has  more long-lasting effects than the "bliss" caused by positive experiences.

 

As a result, it is a far more "moral" position to put greater weight on the potential negatives than the potential positives and therefore take actions that we believe will mitigate those negative impacts to the best of our abilities.

Sounds good to me Thanos 2.0... 

potential misery outweighs all potential well being?  There is a reason that life continues, and its not because of those who hold the beliefs that you hold, it is the most common held belief of those of us who wish to increase the overall well being of all... and guess what, sometimes animals can do that for us in more ways than one, as well as our offspring.  

Love you always, 

Boyle

 

[TheLeon]

32 minutes ago, Anathema- said:

 

Why would it be impossible? Pick the person (or established group) you like to spend time with and ask if they want to watch the game of thrones finale together or some shit. If you want it, make the time. 

I understand the idea of spending time with people. I don't have a logical reason for why I can't engage with people in that way. Whenever I'm in that situation, my brain just shuts down and I run to the nearest exit. 

[Commissar SFLUFAN]

13 minutes ago, Boyle5150 said:

Sounds good to me Thanos 2.0... 

potential misery outweighs all potential well being?  There is a reason that life continues, and its not because of those who hold the beliefs that you hold, it is the most common held belief of those of us who wish to increase the overall well being of all... and guess what, sometimes animals can do that for us in more ways than one, as well as our offspring.  

Love you always, 

Boyle

 

I really fail to see how having a desire to increase the overall well-being of all and the position that I have articulated are in any way mutually exclusive.  If anything, my position significantly increases the chances for a greater "per capita well-being" even if it means the production of less "life".  That life that is created will have a far better opportunity for an overall marginally positive and/or significantly less negative existence.

 

And quite honestly, if my position means that life doesn't continue - so what?  It's really not that big of a deal.

[Anathema-]

17 minutes ago, TheLeon said:

I understand the idea of spending time with people. I don't have a logical reason for why I can't engage with people in that way. Whenever I'm in that situation, my brain just shuts down and I run to the nearest exit. 

 

I'm no expert but that sounds like something it may be worth consulting a psychiatrist over.  At least, if it feels like something you'd like to change.

[TheLeon]

10 minutes ago, Anathema- said:

 

I'm no expert but that sounds like something it may be worth consulting a psychiatrist over.  At least, if it feels like something you'd like to change.

Yeah, psychiatrist is my next step if I can find a way to make it happen. I've been going to therapy for a while, which has helped some things. 

[Anathema-]

5 minutes ago, TheLeon said:

Yeah, psychiatrist is my next step if I can find a way to make it happen. I've been going to therapy for a while, which has helped some things. 

 

Therapy is great and yes sometimes you need medication anyway but it doesn't sound like you need me to tell you. Sounds like you're doing great 👍

 

I wonder if we could get enough people to do an overwatch d1p dm

[Boyle5150]

49 minutes ago, SFLUFAN said:

I really fail to see how having a desire to increase the overall well-being of all and the position that I have articulated are in any way mutually exclusive.  If anything, my position significantly increases the chances for a greater "per capita well-being" even if it means the production of less "life".  That life that is created will have a far better opportunity for an overall marginally positive and/or significantly less negative existence.

 

And quite honestly, if my position means that life doesn't continue - so what?  It's really not that big of a deal.

Well sure, less life usually can equate to less suffering, but it can also equate to less well being.  In fact, the goal should not be to decrease population in order to increase well being, but rather to increase the overall amount of well being regardless of the amount of life.  Adam and Eve having extreme well being is good and all, but life begs us to continue on.   It's the reason that we do whatever we can to ensure the survival of life on our planet.  When we are faced with the potential for any species to be extinct, then we do what is natural (to those who care) and try and preserve that life, because we realize that life is special and rare.   
I never, nor will ever, disagree with the fact that there is a special balance that needs to be preserved, but also understand that there are definitely species that have a greater sense of suffering and to alleviate that suffering should be the top priority, followed by successive suffering.   

[SuperSpreader]

6 hours ago, Man of Culture said:

Here's how you stop being lonely.

 

1. Get a dog that will make women go "Ohh. Can I pet him?"

 

That's your conversation starter who also doubles as a friend whenever you need to de-stress.

 

2. Adjust your diet and work out (Lifting weights in particular). You don't have to give up any of the stuff you love, just consume less of that and more healthy stuff. Maybe do a fast to get your metabolism kickstarted. You're looking for that v-taper.

 

3. Quite literally clean your place up and make it more inviting for females. Limit your dude stuff to your office and or cave. Women love a place where they would feel comfortable inviting their own friends to.

 

Once you've adjusted your appearance, you'll noticed your confidence going up and you should have no issues landing a partner. Start with butterfaces and work your way up to more attractive people.

 

 

And because this board is clearly resetera-lite, don't be a misogynistic douchebag. That much should be obvious. Your ultimate goal should be to work on yourself and then find a compatible partner.

Sounds hard 

[Boyle5150]

1 minute ago, 2user1cup said:

Sounds hard 

That's the idea.   It's what she likes

[Boyle5150]

2 minutes ago, Man of Culture said:

It's mostly mental. I'll clarify my prior post later tonight in a manner that should appease the resident vaginas of this board.

you mean those who are most qualified to give advice regardless of their successes? 

 

[SuperSpreader]

16 minutes ago, Man of Culture said:

It's mostly mental. I'll clarify my prior post later tonight in a manner that should appease the resident vaginas of this board.

Thanks

[Commissar SFLUFAN]

40 minutes ago, Boyle5150 said:

Well sure, less life usually can equate to less suffering, but it can also equate to less well being.  In fact, the goal should not be to decrease population in order to increase well being, but rather to increase the overall amount of well being regardless of the amount of life.  Adam and Eve having extreme well being is good and all, but life begs us to continue on.   It's the reason that we do whatever we can to ensure the survival of life on our planet.  When we are faced with the potential for any species to be extinct, then we do what is natural (to those who care) and try and preserve that life, because we realize that life is special and rare.   
I never, nor will ever, disagree with the fact that there is a special balance that needs to be preserved, but also understand that there are definitely species that have a greater sense of suffering and to alleviate that suffering should be the top priority, followed by successive suffering.   

Because we live in a world of significant resource constraints and impending climate catastrophe where it's not a matter of "if" it will happen, but rather of "how bad" it will be, as a species we no longer have the luxury of increasing the overall amount of well-being regardless of the amount life.  Those days are gone forever, never to return.  As a result, there MUST be a moral calculus in the manner that I've described and a necessary of component of that moral calculus is the determination of whether "life going on" is well and truly worth it at an individual level as opposed to an overall species level. 

 

Because the effects of trauma and suffering are VASTLY more pronounced both physiologically and psychologically than those of happiness and pleasure, it stands to reason that any thoughtful evaluation of whether one should "continue life" at an individual level must seriously consider that the zero probability of subjecting another life to both pain and pleasure through non-existence may in fact be "preferable" to the non-zero probability of subjecting another life to both pain and pleasure through existence, especially in a world that's inexorably heading in the direction that this one is going in.