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I confronted a man who was transporting chickens


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Ok so I was driving home the other day and came across this fucker. I know it’s blurry I was worried the light was going to change. 




Chickens stuffed into crates. Disgusting. Note he also had a Redskins license plate frame. 


I pulled up to him at the next light and gave him the “roll it down” signal and asked him if he knew the laws about stuffing several chickens into a comically small crate in California and he blew me off. I started following him (in the dark rainy weather mind you) and he started to try to get away. At this point I knew I was in for some serious shit. I chased him for upwards of 20+ minutes trying to free the chickens. It culminated when I pulled up alongside his truck next to the bed of his truck. Put my drivers side window down, pull out my ninja stars from my fanny pack and took aim at the ropes holding the crates down. He kept swerving to throw me off but I was determined. After a few minutes I had a clear shot, flicked my ninja star at the rope and hit it. First rope was cut. Then the redskins fan got angrier, like when a boss goes to its next form. He took a turn onto the country roads which are narrower and more ‘in his element’ since he’s a racist farmer. The rain starts to pour a little harder but I kept my cool. Had I had a larger car, I would have considered performing a pit stop and fighting him in hand to hand mortal kombat, but alas my car was outmatched. All of a sudden out of the orchards 3 other trucks fly out and onto the street. I was like a deer in headlights and knew I was in deep shit. I had to focus on the road performing maneuver after maneuver. Slowly I start to get rid of them. The first truck misses an opportunity to crash me and flys into a canal. The next two trucks are going for the sandwich maneuver. Luckily I have seen fast and furious and knew the exact perfect way to avoid death. The trucks make their move and just like that




I’m GONE and they smash into each other, subduing the threat. But alas, they did their job. The r-word fan criminal got away. But he can’t hide forever. I know his truck. I know his old wrinkly face. He better hope he dies from natural causes before I find him and serve justice. Those chickens will have their lives avenged. 

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