You've Reached a Mental Health Checkpoint; Rest Beside the Fire, Adventurer

[Zaku3]

56 minutes ago, darkness35 said:

You're trying to preach to a choir that's filled with only your ego, and assuming that your own experiences can mold onto others.  No offense, but I stopped reading when you said "you're me when I turned 18."

 

I'm intelligent enough to adjust to your individual experiences but I need more data out of you then text. I need to atleast hear a voice and seeing helps. I need to see mannerism and have a back and forth conversation with someone. Text doesn't give me enough to work with because you are a first person observer and I don't know you enough so I don't have enough info to truly give you the empathy, kindness, love, compassion, and whatever your given situation needs. 

 

Which tells me my streaming idea is fundamentally sound but if someone needs like desperate help or wants any help I need atleast a phone call or like voice messages. Text isn't good enough and if it was my former wife wouldn't have blocked me on social media. So I learned that the hard way. I was on the right path but I'm not a story character I am a real person that can and will fail and I need to get up and keep going.

 

My sense of duty comes from kindness and my momma is 65 and I have assumed command didn't notice when tbh. Being wrong is a determent that would affect her life best to be general and get specifics wit more info then be specific and be wrong. Could be the difference between life or death. Im decisive but caution is important. It'a easier to be wrong then it is to be right. Sorry for the info drop i just need to make sure my ideas hold water if nothing else. If they don'r it'a not a good idea.

[Zaku3]

Oo it might sounds combative but your comment triggered me cuz it was good and blindsided me and is the obvious answer to what I said. I am not trying to fight you. I am making sure I don't need to change my mind about it.

[Guest]

Zaku, you OK bud?

[Zaku3]

50 minutes ago, sblfilms said:

Zaku, you OK bud?

 

I'm what you get when you hit max level in the Persona's character stats IRL. Like the kindness stat and other social stats. My mind is running at 100 and it might not just be my ex. I had 300MG of wellbutron due to side effects from pristiq. Didn't help with the side effects but I think it gave me so much energy that I guess I'm super anxious (in a good a way as one can be i suppose) actually I should report this the RN that gives me my brain meds. 

 

I'm super anxious cuz I'm better way better then I have ever been. My ex-wife trigger this new awareness of the changes and her act of looking for me after a decade, single, grilling me like I'm in a job interview, looking for me inspite of me deciding hey telling her isn't gonna make my life better, and the vibes I get from make me want to put a ring on it. She is lucky my grandma is buried in Colombia and I never went because I didn't know how to deal with her lose and not seeing the people I love and care about but I am now. She is so mad she blocked me which is new and scary but I got one last card to play show her I love her enough to go and see her in person. I won't be satisfied until I get a I don't even care about you as a friend because no way she can say that to me if she doesn't feel it. I just like getting stuff done so I will be at 100 until I can do that. I can't until I know if I have cancer. Mom most likely has cancer based on her and history of breast cancer. This is the 3rd or 4th time she is gonna roll a 1 eventually and while she hates her I do have a life after her and as thing stand id be alone so a shot to not have that happen and give my mom a grandkid is a shot worth taking no matter how statistically unlikely it is. I can make the borderline inpossible happen if I put my all into it in theory and the odds are better then impossible based on the most like explaination of her actions. Could just be she seeks me for closure but the pattern of behavior and her interview questions and some things she has said imply she was hoping I had grown up and I have so yolo. 

 

I'm gonna be unironically mad if yolo is not a true statement. I'd also like to change that opinion going forward and she'd be a great start cuz hardest thing that happened to me was losing the person i love more then myself when I didn't love myself. It speaks highly of her that she loved me when I didn't love myself so seems legit and worth my full effort.

 

But I am gonna schedule a follow up right now with the RN i see in case it's the meds.

[Commissar SFLUFAN]

@Zaku3 - please log off and get in touch with your medical professional right now!

[Guest]

33 minutes ago, Commissar SFLUFAN said:

@Zaku3 - please log off and get in touch with your medical professional right now!

Co-signed. Let somebody take care of you, Zaku

[stepee]

1 hour ago, sblfilms said:

Co-signed. Let somebody take care of you, Zaku

 

Third, I feel like you may be having some kind of Im not sure what, but I think you might need to talk with someone irl and see if there is some medication conflict or something going on. Or maybe you are just super high in which case rock on, but it seems different.

 

Hope all is well you’re a rad dude.

[stepee]

Also breattthhhheeeee

[Bacon]

Suddenly not feeling as "let's fucking go" as I was earlier.

[stepee]

This thread sadly reminds me that we are now so old I have to worry about you fucks now

[Guest]

@Zaku3you feeling better, friend?

[Zaku3]

On 2/28/2023 at 4:36 PM, stepee said:

 

Third, I feel like you may be having some kind of Im not sure what, but I think you might need to talk with someone irl and see if there is some medication conflict or something going on. Or maybe you are just super high in which case rock on, but it seems different.

 

Hope all is well you’re a rad dude.

 

Hi guyd sorry ya. I need to stay away from the boards for a bit. Im not a danger to myself or anything but something isn't right. I'm acting like I acted premeds. I haven't reacted with this level of anxiety since going through the break up or divorce. I don't think it's Diany. I think the changes to my meds to fix the ED I get from pristiq. 

 

I asked the RN that gives me my meds if it's better to take ED pills or change my meds. I did mess up cuz I felt better when I upped to 300 and took some of my old 150 to make 450. So either 300 is no good, 450 is no good, or the step down frkm 450 to 300 is bad. I still need ED pills and she wants me to wait more time but my history with the meds show that effects have been always positive. So negatives were so unexpected and I feel bad that I'm pushing people away and am scared I lost her a 2nd time to anxiety.

 

Gonna give 300 a few more days because I am calmer then yesterday but can't tell if it's my anxiety meds or getting used to 300MG of wellbutron. Ya I am gonna just stick to boner pills. Brain meds should be helping me not hurting me. I legit can't control myself. I'd talk to a tree for hours if it could talk back. I need to fix this and it takes alot of willpower.

[stepee]

3 minutes ago, Zaku3 said:

 

Hi guyd sorry ya. I need to stay away from the boards for a bit. Im not a danger to myself or anything but something isn't right. I'm acting like I acted premeds. I haven't reacted with this level of anxiety since going through the break up or divorce. I don't think it's Diany. I think the changes to my meds to fix the ED I get from pristiq. 

 

I asked the RN that gives me my meds if it's better to take ED pills or change my meds. I did mess up cuz I felt better when I upped to 300 and took some of my old 150 to make 450. So either 300 is no good, 450 is no good, or the step down frkm 450 to 300 is bad. I still need ED pills and she wants me to wait more time but my history with the meds show that effects have been always positive. So negatives were so unexpected and I feel bad that I'm pushing people away and am scared I lost her a 2nd time to anxiety.

 

Gonna give 300 a few more days because I am calmer then yesterday but can't tell if it's my anxiety meds or getting used to 300MG of wellbutron. Ya I am gonna just stick to boner pills. Brain meds should be helping me not hurting me. I legit can't control myself. I'd talk to a tree for hours if it could talk back. I need to fix this and it takes alot of willpower.

 

Hey man real glad you are working with someone and getting better. You take all the time you need and concentrate on you and giving yourself the time and attention and care you need. Working through medication is no fun hope you find something that works for you soon. 

[Guest]

10 minutes ago, Zaku3 said:

 

Hi guyd sorry ya. I need to stay away from the boards for a bit. Im not a danger to myself or anything but something isn't right. I'm acting like I acted premeds. I haven't reacted with this level of anxiety since going through the break up or divorce. I don't think it's Diany. I think the changes to my meds to fix the ED I get from pristiq. 

 

I asked the RN that gives me my meds if it's better to take ED pills or change my meds. I did mess up cuz I felt better when I upped to 300 and took some of my old 150 to make 450. So either 300 is no good, 450 is no good, or the step down frkm 450 to 300 is bad. I still need ED pills and she wants me to wait more time but my history with the meds show that effects have been always positive. So negatives were so unexpected and I feel bad that I'm pushing people away and am scared I lost her a 2nd time to anxiety.

 

Gonna give 300 a few more days because I am calmer then yesterday but can't tell if it's my anxiety meds or getting used to 300MG of wellbutron. Ya I am gonna just stick to boner pills. Brain meds should be helping me not hurting me. I legit can't control myself. I'd talk to a tree for hours if it could talk back. I need to fix this and it takes alot of willpower.

Glad to hear you’re involving professionals. Try as best you can to heed their advice!

[SaysWho?]

On 2/28/2023 at 9:00 AM, darkness35 said:

Honestly with all the shit I've been dealing I'm surprised I'm rather alive, although in a chronic survival state that shouldn't even be regarded as healthy.  With work being that one big stress and having the burden of helping them as much as possible (being that breakthrough success for families involved within the CPS for many years), having to deal with so much friendship drama/stress, and identity issues, I'm not even sure where or at what spectrum I am currently in right now.  I'm alive, yet dead, yet apathetic, yet empathetic.

 

I sincerely hope you're better, even if it's not perfect and you're still trying to get out of this negative state.

[stepee]

I just hope @Zaku3 is doing well and will come back soon

[SoberChef]

As mine has significantly suffered for the last 8 or so months, it has gotten a LITTLE easier depending on the day. Started some depression meds & they are seemingly working as opposed to prior to taking them & brain literally YELLING at myself to 'KILL YOURSELF YOU PIECE OF SHIT!" on a nigh unending loop for a whole shift at a time, so that's progress seeing as I'm here, typing, ... not using my ghostly Patrick Swayze powers!