~Official thread of house closing and sucking bank dick~

[Fizzzzle]

1 minute ago, Boyle5150 said:

PNW is fucking crazy right now.  A lot of places are seeing a large increase in property values, but nothing like the PNW. 

Everyone's been moving to the coasts (and Texas) over the last couple decades and housing has not even come close to outpacing demand, so...

[Brian]

1 hour ago, best3444 said:

 

Pay increase I assume? Would you consider moving?

If it was a temporary assignment, I would consider it. I don’t want to live long term in Texas. The state isn’t for me. 

[Patatat]

Unless supply drastically increases there won't be a crash. There will be a return to the mean (thats already happening in most markets).

[Ominous]

[Guest]

Just made an offer on a *mobile home* on an acre and a quarter. It’s the property next door to me, it’s actually nice-ish. Need it for my MIL as she is getting too old to live by herself back in New Mexico but wouldn’t yet be OK living in our house even though I built her a really nice guest suite on the other side of our house .
 

I did throw up in my mouth a little offering $275k, but the land itself is probably worth close to $200k these days. Real estate is sooooo stupid right now.

[stepee]

On 9/3/2018 at 10:58 AM, SuperSpreader said:

*zip*

 

shouldn’t it have been an unzip sound?

[stepee]

look man all these purchases seem to be low key for your wife, why don’t you buy YOURSELF something for once sheesh

[Guest]

4 minutes ago, stepee said:

look man all these purchases seem to be low key for your wife, why don’t you buy YOURSELF something for once sheesh

Happy wife, horny wife

[SuperSpreader]

3 minutes ago, BlueAngel said:

I'm in the process of buying a house right now adulting sucks!

 

The process blows. They request all this info, you get it all to them, and they don't review it until the week of so you end up running around finding other docs in a panic instead of doing it calmly had they done their jobs a month earlier.

[Rev]

Survivorship bias seems really common on this topic and if another crash does happen I'm pretty sure most people will adjust their narratives so they can imply they knew it was going to happen the whole time.

[Guest]

1 hour ago, Rev said:

Survivorship bias seems really common on this topic and if another crash does happen I'm pretty sure most people will adjust their narratives so they can imply they knew it was going to happen the whole time.

I look forward to the next one ❤️

[Ominous]

15 hours ago, SuperSpreader said:

 

The process blows. They request all this info, you get it all to them, and they don't review it until the week of so you end up running around finding other docs in a panic instead of doing it calmly had they done their jobs a month earlier.

Basic things like bank statements?

[SuperSpreader]

2 hours ago, Ominous said:

Basic things like bank statements?

 

Yes basic but they don't really review everything until week of so if they have questions you're racing to get them the info before closing. It's not hard info to get, nor difficult to write the explanation letters. But we have jobs too and it would be easier if that shit was reviewed ahead of time instead of having to make me take calls between meetings and rushing to my computer to get data and send it over during office hours. It's every bank I've worked with through 3 home purchases and two refis. 

[Ominous]

1 minute ago, SuperSpreader said:

 

Yes basic but they don't really review everything until week of so if they have questions you're racing to get them the info before closing. It's not hard info to get, it difficult to write the explanation letters. But we have jobs too and it would be easier if that shit was reviewed ahead of time instead of having to make me take calls between meetings and rushing to my computer to get data and send it over during office hours. It's every bank I've worked with through 3 home purchases and two refis. 

We review stuff as it comes in. If your closing date is closer that can put your review as a higher priority, but it would seem silly to not review something for weeks. Also don't be depositing large sums of money after you have applied for your loan. Your realtor needs to get you in check.

[SuperSpreader]

I once told a mortgage guy that I was sick of dealing with his last minute requests and I was no longer interested in the house/would cancel and pay the fees. Idgaf. I was so sick of his incompetent shit. He ended up getting everything lined up real quick. 

[SuperSpreader]

4 minutes ago, Ominous said:

We review stuff as it comes in. If your closing date is closer that can put your review as a higher priority, but it would seem silly to not review something for weeks. Also don't be depositing large sums of money after you have applied for your loan. Your realtor needs to get you in check.

 

In my experience with Citi, Chase, LoanDepot, Quicken and some independent place was never like that. They'd "review it".

 

Big sums for me would be sales of homes or bonuses that would be pre-disclosed. Then they would occur and they'd act like they didn't already have documentation I had provided explaining this. I've even had them ask for State documents that don't exist. 

 

I don't know, I hate the whole process and everything involved with it. 

[Ominous]

30 minutes ago, SuperSpreader said:

 

In my experience with Citi, Chase, LoanDepot, Quicken and some independent place was never like that. They'd "review it".

 

Big sums for me would be sales of homes or bonuses that would be pre-disclosed. Then they would occur and they'd act like they didn't already have documentation I had provided explaining this. I've even had them ask for State documents that don't exist. 

 

I don't know, I hate the whole process and everything involved with it. 

 

All that sounds sloppy.  A bonus normally appears like any other payroll deposit. 

The sale of as home is normally easily identified with a copy of the closing disclosure or settlement statement showing the proceeds the seller is getting.

 

It's the FHA people that try and scrape up every dollar last minute that rub everyone raw.  Selling shit like guns or livestock. Trying to deposit coffee can cash.  Stop it. 

 

[SuperSpreader]

6 minutes ago, Ominous said:

 

All that sounds sloppy.  A bonus normally appears like any other payroll deposit. 

The sale of as home is normally easily identified with a copy of the closing disclosure or settlement statement showing the proceeds the seller is getting.

 

It's the FHA people that try and scrape up every dollar last minute that rub everyone raw.  Selling shit like guns or livestock. Trying to deposit coffee can cash.  Stop it. 

 

Yup. That's what I thought too and it's always this circular logic in my experience until I give up and stop talking to them until they sort it out. 

[Ominous]

2 hours ago, SuperSpreader said:

Yup. That's what I thought too and it's always this circular logic in my experience until I give up and stop talking to them until they sort it out. 

I fight with underwriting all the time at work, so I get it. 

[Guest]

Seller accepted our offer, now under contract. I've actually never been through the process of getting a home loan, different for sure than all of my various business lending experiences! But yeah, holy moly, they are just giving away this money for nothing these days.

[SuperSpreader]

12 hours ago, sblfilms said:

Seller accepted our offer, now under contract. I've actually never been through the process of getting a home loan, different for sure than all of my various business lending experiences! But yeah, holy moly, they are just giving away this money for nothing these days.

I want updates through closing. I need to feel your pain. 

[Ominous]

On 12/14/2021 at 8:32 AM, SuperSpreader said:

I want updates through closing. I need to feel your pain. 

Self employed? Let's get them p&ls and asset statements going. Don't forget to sign and date them and your taxes. Oh hey your income declined in 2020 vs 2019 what happened there? 

 

 

[Guest]

Getting an appraisal done this coming week. It’s hilarious to look at the entire incestuous racket the mortgage industry has made to force you into paying for random crap their buddies do. 

[Biggie]

12 minutes ago, sblfilms said:

Getting an appraisal done this coming week. It’s hilarious to look at the entire incestuous racket the mortgage industry has made to force you into paying for random crap their buddies do. 

Sort of like those popcorn and soda prices at movie theaters?

[Guest]

55 minutes ago, Biggie said:

Sort of like those popcorn and soda prices at movie theaters?

No, there are literally products you must buy as part of the mortgage process to protect the interests of the various other parties in the mortgage process all based on laws and regulations written by the mortgage industry.

 

Selling high margin things to make up for high fixed costs is just normal capitalism  

[Biggie]

4 minutes ago, sblfilms said:

No, there are literally products you must buy as part of the mortgage process to protect the interests of the various other parties in the mortgage process all based on laws and regulations written by the mortgage industry.

 

Selling high margin things to make up for high fixed costs is just normal capitalism  

You greedy bastard. Gimme my popcorn and soda at a reasonable cost.

[Ominous]

On 12/18/2021 at 5:24 PM, sblfilms said:

Getting an appraisal done this coming week. It’s hilarious to look at the entire incestuous racket the mortgage industry has made to force you into paying for random crap their buddies do. 

 

Imagine it precrash where the mortgage company told the appraiser what value to come back with. 

Now the mortgage company doesn't directly employ, or communicate with, the appraiser...which introduces more wild shit. 

 

"Oh hey client, the appraiser was at your house a month ago, but we still don 't have a report and the appraisal management company that hired him hasn't heard back from them either." 

[Guest]

So I guess nobody does any work over the last two weeks of the year. Today I got bombarded with a list of doc requests, mostly stuff like P&Ls for the business and large deposit explanation stuff. I think the appraisal is finally going to be done this week. We ended up amending the contract to set the closing date on/before the end of January when it was originally end of this week.

 

Oh well, I’m in no rush. Probably will take a month or so to do the updates to the kitchen and bath before I bring the MIL down. 

[SoberChef]

Watched this recently & felt like sharing it here as its topical:

 

 

[Ominous]

2 hours ago, sblfilms said:

So I guess nobody does any work over the last two weeks of the year. Today I got bombarded with a list of doc requests, mostly stuff like P&Ls for the business and large deposit explanation stuff. I think the appraisal is finally going to be done this week. We ended up amending the contract to set the closing date on/before the end of January when it was originally end of this week.

 

Oh well, I’m in no rush. Probably will take a month or so to do the updates to the kitchen and bath before I bring the MIL down. 

I hate what COVID did to self employment income. P&Ls, bank statements, fuck it all lol.

[SuperSpreader]

3 hours ago, sblfilms said:

So I guess nobody does any work over the last two weeks of the year. Today I got bombarded with a list of doc requests, mostly stuff like P&Ls for the business and large deposit explanation stuff. I think the appraisal is finally going to be done this week. We ended up amending the contract to set the closing date on/before the end of January when it was originally end of this week.

 

Oh well, I’m in no rush. Probably will take a month or so to do the updates to the kitchen and bath before I bring the MIL down. 

 

Wrong. Nobody does anything until the week it's due (for them) regardless of the time of year then they bombard you with requests as if it was your job to do theirs AND as if this is what you do all day and don't have a fucking job. 

 

Don't worry tho, underwriting won't look at anything you send until the last minute so you can run around like crazy again finding shit for them. 

[Guest]

"Oh hey, we actually do need a well and septic inspection that we told you we didn't need."

 

A lot of THAT going on right now!

[SuperSpreader]

12 minutes ago, sblfilms said:

"Oh hey, we actually do need a well and septic inspection that we told you we didn't need."

 

A lot of THAT going on right now!

 

Yup. Don't worry something will be wrong on the final paperwork on signing day too. 

[johnny]

49 minutes ago, sblfilms said:

"Oh hey, we actually do need a well and septic inspection that we told you we didn't need."

 

A lot of THAT going on right now!

my friend had to get a big shed/warehouse thing approved (that was built before he bought it, but has to get a permit because he's using it for ebay) and it's been like 18 months and it's still not done. a lot of waiting around and then one person says "oh you need this" and everything stops until that's done. And then somebody else two months later says "you also need THIS". sounds exhausting to have to deal with how it works sometimes. 

[Guest]

1 hour ago, johnny said:

my friend had to get a big shed/warehouse thing approved (that was built before he bought it, but has to get a permit because he's using it for ebay) and it's been like 18 months and it's still not done. a lot of waiting around and then one person says "oh you need this" and everything stops until that's done. And then somebody else two months later says "you also need THIS". sounds exhausting to have to deal with how it works sometimes. 

I’ve had some realllly annoying permitting stories for our businesses. One time I pulled a building permit that had no electrical work being done. The framing was complete and it was time for our inspection before we can close up the new walls.

 

An hour before the inspector was supposed to arrive, he calls and yells at me that we don’t have an electrical permitZ I explain again that the plans *he himself approved* don’t include any electrical work.

 

He refused to come out until we had a permit for the non-existent electrical work. So I call my buddy who is a high up at a major electrical contracting firm in Houston and ask him to a pull a permit. He has one of his guys pull a permit for “unspecified work”.

 

I take the permit app up so I can pay for it and for some reason the inspector is at the desk instead of the normal permit administrator. He mentions that the company has to be registered with the city to pull permits, “looks them up”, and claims they aren’t in the system. Gives me the link to the forms they need to submit. I send that to my buddy, his office admin fills everything out.

 

4 hours later I get forwarded an email chain between his admin lady and the city’s admin lady where it becomes clear the company is already registered.

 

So I go back and pay for the permit, and ask the inspector when he can come meet me. 

 

“unfortunately I don’t have anymore time this afternoon, and it’s Thursday so I can’t get to

you until Monday.” (The city works a 4/10s schedule and is closed on Fridays)

 

So we had to buy a permit for work that we weren’t doing, had to fill out registration for a company that was already registered, only to have the dude reschedule to the next week because he ran out of time in the week to do it. And this sort of stuff happens all the time.

 

I told that story to a friend one time and he said “I don’t think he was incompetent, he wanted you to bribe him” and I’m leaning more and more towards that being correct 😂