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~Official thread of house closing and sucking bank dick~


Fizzzzle

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2 hours ago, sblfilms said:

"Oh hey, we actually do need a well and septic inspection that we told you we didn't need."

 

A lot of THAT going on right now!

Are you doing VA or FHA?

 

If you have a private water source they are going to always need that shit. 

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1 minute ago, Ominous said:

Are you doing VA or FHA?

 

If you have a private water source they are going to always need that shit. 


FHA. Which, is exactly what the realtor friend told me once she got the email from the lender. She was like “uhhhhhh, that’s always required for properties with wells”.

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2 hours ago, SuperSpreader said:

 

Yup. Don't worry something will be wrong on the final paperwork on signing day too. 

 

Doing this for 10 years it's sad to say I see a lot of shit like that. 

From underwriters asking for shit they don't need, to them missing shit up front they did need, to the appraisal coming in low impacting the pricing and nobody telling the client...like what the actual fuck are people doing? 

 

I decided I wanted to spend more time with my kids so I left my leadership position and now work on loans that are "broken" and a lot of the broken shit is because people are too afraid to make a decision to work with what we have or because they fucked up on day 0 and just figured it out weeks later. And well people do stupid shit too that causes an issue while in process but that's easier to deal with.

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2 minutes ago, sblfilms said:


FHA. Which, is exactly what the realtor friend told me once she got the email from the lender. She was like “uhhhhhh, that’s always required for properties with wells”.

Do they just need to test for ecoli and coliform, or do they also need a survey to see where the well and septic shit is located in relation to the property lines?

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5 minutes ago, Ominous said:

Do they just need to test for ecoli and coliform, or do they also need a survey to see where the well and septic shit is located in relation to the property lines?


The whole thing. Water quality and they need the survey to make sure property line setbacks and TEQ requirements for the well and septic to be 100+ feet apart. Not a big deal, just dumb they didn’t think of it until now!

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1 minute ago, sblfilms said:


The whole thing. Water quality and they need the survey to make sure property line setbacks and TEQ requirements for the well and septic to be 100+ feet apart. Not a big deal, just dumb they didn’t think of it until now!

We give people a FYI saying when we get your appraisal back if you have a well and septic you'll need a test.  This way you know we need it, even if we don't know you have a well upfront.

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5 minutes ago, Ominous said:

We give people a FYI saying when we get your appraisal back if you have a well and septic you'll need a test.  This way you know we need it, even if we don't know you have a well upfront.


What is the typical time between when you submit stuff to underwriting and the loan closes, assuming nothing to crazy comes up? Have already had a few hiccups with the business income stuff prior to them submitting, but they sent everything off this afternoon. Trying to figure out if I’m going to be able to get it done before I leave for our family Disney trip on the 14th or have to wait until the 24th.

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2 hours ago, sblfilms said:


What is the typical time between when you submit stuff to underwriting and the loan closes, assuming nothing to crazy comes up? Have already had a few hiccups with the business income stuff prior to them submitting, but they sent everything off this afternoon. Trying to figure out if I’m going to be able to get it done before I leave for our family Disney trip on the 14th or have to wait until the 24th.

Everything is in house where I work, so underwriting is typically looking at things in under 24 hours. If you use a local bank or broker they are going to likely get your docs and send them to their lender. Sometimes the lender won't review anything until it meets some type of criteria, like all docs in or the title bring clear etc. 

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The underwriter came back with a conditional approval, but the lady handling my loan hadn’t had a chance to see what the conditions were yet but said she’ll send over any requests if she has things they need from me.

 

The appraisal apparently won’t be back to their office until the 13th, so we won’t close until I get back from Disney.

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52 minutes ago, sblfilms said:

The underwriter came back with a conditional approval, but the lady handling my loan hadn’t had a chance to see what the conditions were yet but said she’ll send over any requests if she has things they need from me.

 

The appraisal apparently won’t be back to their office until the 13th, so we won’t close until I get back from Disney.

Be ready for appraisal delays lol. Such a shit show these days. Hopefully it comes in on time.

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56 minutes ago, Ominous said:

Be ready for appraisal delays lol. Such a shit show these days. Hopefully it comes in on time.


Yeah, the loan officer lady said as much. She was like “yeah, just enjoy your trip cause no way the appraisal is done in time. We’ll close after you get back.”

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  • Fizzzzle changed the title to ~Official thread of house closing and sucking bank dick~

Appraisal finally came back, repairs needed and about a negative 9% difference between selling price and appraisal, so have to negotiate that difference. Doesn’t make a huge difference to me except that they also said I can use any funds generated from my two newest (and most profitable!) businesses because I don’t yet have two years of business tax returns for them. I didn’t pull out much from the older business entity because I’ve been subsidizing our closed theater since March 2020 there so that only accounts for something like 5% of my income and bank account balance. Will probably have to get my brother to gift me the extra cash, then immediately pay him back after closing.

 

Well, assuming the seller doesn’t just come down the whole difference. Who knows!

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On 1/12/2022 at 2:39 PM, sblfilms said:

Appraisal finally came back, repairs needed and about a negative 9% difference between selling price and appraisal, so have to negotiate that difference. Doesn’t make a huge difference to me except that they also said I can use any funds generated from my two newest (and most profitable!) businesses because I don’t yet have two years of business tax returns for them. I didn’t pull out much from the older business entity because I’ve been subsidizing our closed theater since March 2020 there so that only accounts for something like 5% of my income and bank account balance. Will probably have to get my brother to gift me the extra cash, then immediately pay him back after closing.

 

Well, assuming the seller doesn’t just come down the whole difference. Who knows!

That not a gift... I won't tell though lol.

 

Saw a guy with some steam transactions on his bank statements today, wasn't sure if it was for him or his kids since he was in his 50s.

 

Had to deny someone out this week because their 2020 1120s had negative income, 2021 and 2019 worked but COVID and all.

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20 hours ago, Ominous said:

That not a gift... I won't tell though lol.

 

Saw a guy with some steam transactions on his bank statements today, wasn't sure if it was for him or his kids since he was in his 50s.

 

Had to deny someone out this week because their 2020 1120s had negative income, 2021 and 2019 worked but COVID and all.

How’s it feel being a soul crusher?

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  • 3 weeks later...

Finally clear to close. Going to sign this afternoon or tomorrow sometime. My goal in life is to never go through this process ever again and use private commercial lending like I typically do. Such a frustrating experience.

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33 minutes ago, Rachel said:


What happens if she doesn’t?


May let me cousin’s kid move in when he and his fiancée get married this summer. MIL said today that she is definitely coming, but I really am in a believe it when I see it State on that issue.

 

Long term, we plan to build three houses on the property, one for each of our kids if they want, and probably lease them out until the kids need them.

 

I am also starting to draw up the plans or my workshop and my little movie theater building. I think the workshop (for all my tools, wood working stuff, etc.) will probably be a project for the fall this year.

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5 minutes ago, BlueAngel said:

So I was supposed to close tomorrow but this house buying shit is insane, constant oh btw we need you to review these and sign. Looking at next Friday now, it's insane the bs you go through buying a house, can't wait until this shit is over. 

 

It's like "are you sure you guys are a bank?"

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1 minute ago, SuperSpreader said:

 

Actually I take that back. After we closed on our first home in ~2010 I told my wife I now understood how the 2008 crisis happened. 


One of the things I found out *at closing* is that they never verified my tax returns were legit.

 

What are we even doing here?

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4 hours ago, BlueAngel said:

Seriously I swear these idiots are using google to figure this shit out.

I mean... That's most people at most jobs where you don't have to do something on the fly.

 

I know a guy who works at a software engineer at Amazon who completely lied about all of his qualifications. He studied enough for the interview and afterwards was just "fake it til you make it." He's been there for like 4 years now.

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30 minutes ago, Fizzzzle said:

I mean... That's most people at most jobs where you don't have to do something on the fly.

 

I know a guy who works at a software engineer at Amazon who completely lied about all of his qualifications. He studied enough for the interview and afterwards was just "fake it til you make it." He's been there for like 4 years now.

Reminds of a story where a high level executive at Verizon hired someone in China to do his job because he didn’t know shit. 
 

found it:

 

puter_wide-cee81cb5fdb3a3451184c26e66fde
WWW.NPR.ORG

What began as a company's suspicion that its infrastructure was being hacked turned into a case of a worker outsourcing his own job to a Chinese consulting firm, according...

 

  • Haha 1
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