Do you make light of sensitive issues?

[Fizzzzle]

I was just talking to my roommates. One of them teaches daycare, and she was explaining how they're not allowed to play games where one person is the "victim" or something along those lines. Like no "tag" or whatever. I said something like "so no cops and George Floyds?" Everyone just went silent.

 

I was just like, insensitive, sure. Where I come from, we deal with serious issues by making light of them. The world is too fucked up to constantly be talking about things seriously all the time, so we make light of situations that are pointedly not so. Being flippant about things that are pointedly serious, that's the... point.

 

That's not to say we make jokes about it, like it's not like we're saying "3 George Floyds walk into a bar...", it's just like you casually throw out a reference to some serious topic in a flippant way, and everyone knows what you mean. Like the fact that I'm talking about it in a flippant manner underscores how serious I actually think it is. There's some mental gymnastics to be performed there, but it makes sense in my head.

 

I think I'm kind of the black sheep of the group. I'm the only one who didn't graduate high school. I'm the only one from a broken home. I think it's a common thing for people who have struggled a lot to just joke about things that aren't funny. What else are you supposed to do?

[Keyser_Soze]

[Bacon]

Quote

Do you make light of sensitive issues?

Yes and anyone who gets butthurt about it deserves the displeasure. 

[Keyser_Soze]

People say I make cringe jokes all the time but there are things to assess even before you put that stuff out there.

 

• Know your audience: Do you know your roommate enough that if you were to float this joke that she would think it was funny? Was she affected by the "sensitive issue" in any way
• Is the joke funny? - Making light of a sensitive issue is one thing but if you're making a joke about it, is it funny in the first place? "Cops and George Floyds" probably not that funny
• Is what you're trying to convey clear? - In this case you're making an allusion to Cops & Robbers. In this joke you're twisting the image of George Floyd as a bad guy and also as a thief. Beyond that you've created the thought of kids kneeling on other kids necks and murdering them.

 

In the end a joke that misses the mark can cause more harm than good.

 

Personally if you made that joke to me I wouldn't have been offended but I also don't think it was a good joke so I wouldn't have laughed or said, "good one!"

[Fizzzzle]

I suppose the difference is that it's not a "joke," it's a flippant remark. Like it's not meant to illicit laughs, it's more like an inside head nod kind of thing.

[Fizzzzle]

8 minutes ago, Rachel said:

Yeah in your third bullet you said what I was feeling earlier but was too high to articulate lol. I was thinking if I was on the receiving end of that comment I might interpret it as a racist thing and be caught off guard. 

I can understand that. I think I just come from a place where everyone implicitly understands that when I say something like that, *of course* I don't actually mean that George floyd's murder is a laughing matter. The reason why we use it so flippantly illustrates that fact. It's like saying something in a callous manner to illustrate how fucked I think it is.

[Fizzzzle]

I've been living with these people for 2 years. I realize more and more that these people do not come from the same culture as I do. We believe in the same things, but they don't have the same reason for doing so. And that's okay. But damn I've never felt like "one of the poors" before living with this group of people.

[Xbob42]

Of course, but it also depends who I'm talking to and where. Ya gotta read the room. But you say these were your roommates you were talking to? You should've laughed your ass off when they went silent. Bunch of fucking babies.

[best3444]

I used to be inappropriate with things like that but have changed. I don't think what you said was too bad and if they went silent oh well. I didn't find what you said "funny" but I'm not offended by it. 

[Biggie]

Who’s George Floyd?

[Commissar SFLUFAN]

I lack a sense of humor nor do I say anything that I don't actually mean so this is not an issue for me.

[skillzdadirecta]

This reminds me of a video I just watched...

 

 

This video is all about how some people (not the O.P.) try to hide pretty harmful shit in "jokes". Pretty sure I was introduced to this channel by someone here. Watched his Snyder cut video and just kept watching. 

 

Back on topic, I definitely make a lot of cringy "Jokes" but only with REALLY close friends. People who know me and  more importantly, people that I know. I know what their boundaries and sensitivities are so I know what lines to approach, which ones to cross and which ones to not even touch. It's about reading the room and if you're having second thoughts about saying something before you say it, then you probably shouldn't say it.

 

and someone called the people who got offended by the O.P.'s remark babies in this topic... who's the baby here? The people who didn't laugh at a joke they thought was in poor taste or the person getting upset  by those people not laughing? Really makes you think 

[Commissar SFLUFAN]

I can 100% assure you that life is far easier when one makes no attempts at humor or levity.  Then there are no misunderstandings about the intent of one's words or actions.

[Keyser_Soze]

I had a moment similar to OP at work a while back.

We had a new guy working at the front desk and he was black (you know where this is going already)
 

In any case I had always been cautious about what I said around him because he seemed kind of a hothead and obviously you don't want to joke with someone too soon, they don't know you, they don't know if you're serious or not.
 

So this guy worked every day of the week and we were talking about another black guy who also worked every day of the week (it was just this guy and another girl (not black)) and I said something along the lines of "yeah black people always are working every day" though I was trying to be inclusive in the statement. But the guy got so angry it was like he wanted to rip my head off and he basically said, "What did you say?" and I was kinda shocked and he was like get away from me.

In any case I ended up apologizing to him later and he said it was ok let's forget about it.

 

Then a number of days later, he was like, "oh I didn't know you were black, you should have said so when you made that joke" and then he was super cool with me.

[TheLeon]

Sometimes I “write” jokes in my head about really heavy topics as my way of coping with them. I usually don’t share them, except for maybe here. 

[Mr.Vic20]

Gallows or Macabre humor is not an uncommon method of coping with events & Topics beyond our control, especially if you grew up in a lower income bracket(first hand experience here!). That said, What you did there is a faux pas, as fresh reference usually only works when the topic isn't awful. So in this case, its a "too soon" scenario, Additionally, what works one to one might not work in a larger group. Also, you talked about a topic involving kids and some people have stronger defensive/protective reactions than others, joke or no joke, in that particular arena. 

[Kal-El814]

Less often than I used to and more selectively, but yes. I for sure feel less entitled to “joke” about topics that aren’t “mine” than I did when I was younger.

[stepee]

I think you have to make it so the joke is definitely punching down and the joke you made doesn’t make that clear enough, even if someone knows you.

 

I think beyond just understanding more culturally how the people who are affected by these things and are exposed to these types of jokes feel, there are also just too many people loudly saying stupid shit like that seriously for it to hit.

 

That said I do the same thing as a coping mechanism and get it but it’s something I’ve been working on and try to make sure it’s clear who I’m attacking it doing so, and if it’s a crowd that tends to use the same mechanism.

 

If you’ve never heard a person make a similar type of joke, you probably are pretty safe just keeping the joke to yourself. Or post it here and see how it plays.

[stepee]

Also yeah it’s just not a great joke lol.

[Keyser_Soze]

11 minutes ago, stepee said:

 Or post it hear and see how it plays.

 

Make sure it's loud enough though.

[Guest]

9 hours ago, Kal-El814 said:

Less often than I used to and more selectively, but yes. I for sure feel less entitled to “joke” about topics that aren’t “mine” than I did when I was younger.

 

This is pretty much me. I used to think "edgy" jokes were the bees knees, then I just realized I was a jerk. I do utilize self deprecating humor to ease tensions but not anything that is meant to be flippant about serious issues. I think there are much healthier ways to handle such things  

[heydude93]

ok so as someone who told a raunchy joke during a presentation at a liberal arts college ethics class and somehow landed it, I guess I feel qualified enough to lecture a bit here (assuming I'm not much dumber and bad at remembering things than I'm capable of realizing)

 

First, it sounds almost like you're going through a phase similar to what I went through many years ago.  You're becoming aware that dark humor is powerful, and those who are good at it might make you feel like your sense of humor isn't mature enough, maybe you feel pressured to be good at it for that reason or you just enjoy the guffaw it gives you when you hear it used by professional comics, etc.

 

In any case, before telling any joke that could be dark/edge/etc, keep in mind that behind everything you do and say, every thought and action, is an emotion that's both expressed and received, and if you're unaware of precisely what it is (which is pretty normal - everybody struggles with having an objective understanding of themselves), moment to moment, and exactly how it will be received by those who you want to make laugh, and what political reality/atmosphere it will curate, it's might be best to refrain so that an older an wiser you will have more to be thankful of. 

 

A good edgy joke isn't just sarcastic faux insensitivity where the punchline is "just kidding, I'm not really that edgy lololo".  It should be a math equation you're making someone to solve in real time that forces them to deduce how much of a jerk they are.  It should be a cathartic defense mechanism for you and the sensitive and a weapon on the haters.  It's rarely ever performative unless it's intentionally a performance (playing a terrible person), which means it's acting, which means you should probably know for a fact you're the most wholesome person in the room before trying the bit out.  It should require emotional labor.  Or if you're smart enough one day, maybe you can Stuart Lee-engineer some bonkers complicated mindpuzzle out of it.

 

Point being,  it's usually a style of humor that's earned through suffering and/or being uncommonly smart and sensitive and aware, and if you're unsure if you can meet these standards consistently, just realize (depending on who you're around) there might be consequences you don't like.  Because it's not just about being sarcastic or clever, but having an insightful and constructive reason for doing so.  All you're really doing is using lovelanguage and words to stir a positive emotion out of someone you feel is sensitive to it, or more awareness in someone who isn't. If you're at all unsure if you can bring it to a place that ISN'T dark, or awkward, but safe and welcoming every time for the audience harmed by the edginess, the risk involved is something to be aware of.  Because ultimately that's the social utility here.  Of course, this depends on who your roomates are. Were they quiet because you said something hurtful? Or heck, for all anyone knows, your roomates or anyone else you have/will share these jokes with might be jerks.  Maybe they love hacky dark humor too.  Maybe a lot more than you.  If true, and if you're making them laugh, what does it say about what you're expressing?

 

Lastly, knowing that dark humor isn't about being edgy but about helping curating a non-edgy environment for anyone harmed by edginess , do you have a style of humor that already does this?  At the end of the day, edge humor is only one style of evoking feels/laughs, and make no mistake, there's already more than enough chucklefucks edgelords to go around.  If you're already capable enough of using humor to curate an environment that isnt edgy, but compassionate and fun, do you even need an edgier style of humor to begin with?

[Commissar SFLUFAN]

Again, I come back to my original point: eliminate your sense of humor and all these complications crumble to dust!

 

Once I saw "The Death of Stalin" I realized that film represented the very quintessence of humor and therefore I had no further need to attempt to be "funny" again!

[heydude93]

32 minutes ago, Rachel said:

holy fucking shit why did I read all of this omg 

 

hopefully it gets at LEAST thirty upvotes, so I'm not tempted to delete that work of brilliance to spitefully deny the world my genius!

[Captain Pickle]

The jerk store called. They’re  all outta you!

[stepee]

1 hour ago, heydude93 said:

ok so as someone who told a raunchy joke during a presentation at a liberal arts college ethics class and somehow landed it, I guess I feel qualified enough to lecture a bit here (assuming I'm not much dumber and bad at remembering things than I'm capable of realizing)

 

First, it sounds almost like you're going through a phase similar to what I went through many years ago.  You're becoming aware that dark humor is powerful, and those who are good at it might make you feel like your sense of humor isn't mature enough, maybe you feel pressured to be good at it for that reason or you just enjoy the guffaw it gives you when you hear it used by professional comics, etc.

 

In any case, before telling any joke that could be dark/edge/etc, keep in mind that behind everything you do and say, every thought and action, is an emotion that's both expressed and received, and if you're unaware of precisely what it is (which is pretty normal - everybody struggles with having an objective understanding of themselves), moment to moment, and exactly how it will be received by those who you want to make laugh, and what political reality/atmosphere it will curate, it's might be best to refrain so that an older an wiser you will have more to be thankful of. 

 

A good edgy joke isn't just sarcastic faux insensitivity where the punchline is "just kidding, I'm not really that edgy lololo".  It should be a math equation you're making someone to solve in real time that forces them to deduce how much of a jerk they are.  It should be a cathartic defense mechanism for you and the sensitive and a weapon on the haters.  It's rarely ever performative unless it's intentionally a performance (playing a terrible person), which means it's acting, which means you should probably know for a fact you're the most wholesome person in the room before trying the bit out.  It should require emotional labor.  Or if you're smart enough one day, maybe you can Stuart Lee-engineer some bonkers complicated mindpuzzle out of it.

 

Point being,  it's usually a style of humor that's earned through suffering and/or being uncommonly smart and sensitive and aware, and if you're unsure if you can meet these standards consistently, just realize (depending on who you're around) there might be consequences you don't like.  Because it's not just about being sarcastic or clever, but having an insightful and constructive reason for doing so.  All you're really doing is using lovelanguage and words to stir a positive emotion out of someone you feel is sensitive to it, or more awareness in someone who isn't. If you're at all unsure if you can bring it to a place that ISN'T dark, or awkward, but safe and welcoming every time for the audience harmed by the edginess, the risk involved is something to be aware of.  Because ultimately that's the social utility here.  Of course, this depends on who your roomates are. Were they quiet because you said something hurtful? Or heck, for all anyone knows, your roomates or anyone else you have/will share these jokes with might be jerks.  Maybe they love hacky dark humor too.  Maybe a lot more than you.  If true, and if you're making them laugh, what does it say about what you're expressing?

 

Lastly, knowing that dark humor isn't about being edgy but about helping curating a non-edgy environment for anyone harmed by edginess , do you have a style of humor that already does this?  At the end of the day, edge humor is only one style of evoking feels/laughs, and make no mistake, there's already more than enough chucklefucks edgelords to go around.  If you're already capable enough of using humor to curate an environment that isnt edgy, but compassionate and fun, do you even need an edgier style of humor to begin with?

 

Man, this post that starts off with bragging about landing a joke and then goes down a long journey articulating the genius that was required in order to do such a thing, all the while thrashing the OP as a mental infant, makes Brick’s 53mm busting monster cock thread look like NOTHING.

[Keyser_Soze]

13 minutes ago, stepee said:

 

Man, this post that starts off with bragging about landing a joke and then goes down a long journey articulating the genius that was required in order to do such a thing, all the while thrashing the OP as a mental infant, makes Brick’s 53mm busting monster cock thread look like NOTHING.

 

I wonder where he copied and pasted it from

[thewhyteboar]

On 4/16/2021 at 7:24 PM, Commissar SFLUFAN said:

I can 100% assure you that life is far easier when one makes no attempts at humor or levity.  Then there are no misunderstandings about the intent of one's words or actions.

Look at Jorge of Burgos over here.

[best3444]

10 hours ago, stepee said:

 

Man, this post that starts off with bragging about landing a joke and then goes down a long journey articulating the genius that was required in order to do such a thing, all the while thrashing the OP as a mental infant, makes Brick’s 53mm busting monster cock thread look like NOTHING.

 

This is one of the better posts I've read in a while 😆