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Deadspin's "Why Your Team Sucks 2019" has started - finally: New England Patriots


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Hey, I'm not even a fan of the Titans!

 

I will say this, this comment is spot on:

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The Titans have been the living, breathing personification of bland mediocrity for the better part of 20 years now. I grew up south of Nashville and was a sophomore in college when the Tennessee Oilers rolled into Memphis (good Lord what a fucking disaster that was). Somehow the Tennessee Oilers in their, what...two seasons managed to have more personality, if for no other reason than the incongruous nickname and logo and playing in a 3/4s empty Liberty Bowl because people from Memphis would be damned by an angry God before they supported a team using them as a bus stop before travelling on to Nashville. 

Their record both seasons? 8-8. Born to underwhelm.

 

I was at the Steelers game in Memphis one of those years. Me, my dad, and my uncle all went down to watch the Steelers get stomped 16-6 by the tEnNeSsEe OiLeRs in shitty, wet, snow flurry weather in the middle of a grey winter. 

 

 

Also, this letter is incredibly correct. Dude has to live in Nashville to get this 100% correct:

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...

But enough about the Titans. Let’s talk NASHVILLE BABY. We had the draft!! Everybody enjoy that? I did not. I spent that whole week dodging guys named Kyle in Eagles jerseys riding around on Bird scooters.

 

The draft is a symptom of a larger disease. Nashville rode the “It” city status just long enough to sell its soul to corporate interests. I guess it was only a matter of time. Amazon, AllianceBernstein, EY, and Apple are all opening satellite shops. 5,000 people here, 2,000 people there. Basically playing just-the-tip with our city to get absurd sweetheart deals.

 

Tennessee put Marsha Blackburn in the senate. The leading opioid extortionist and climate denier. The governor, who inherited his wealth from a fucking air conditioning company, named a day Nathaniel Bedford Forrest Day.

 

Nashville is landlocked, hot as shit, newly expensive, culturally dead, and ascetically unappealing. It’s full of racists feigning as libertarians and horny mayors.

 

The new Nashville is people from other places cosplaying Southerners cosplaying people from LA: a manufactured feedback loop for the asinine.

 

Did I mention our coach said he’d cut his own dick off to win a Super Bowl? Titan Up.

 

 

As one commenter on the Nashville Reddit said, come for the bashing the team. Stay for the bashing of Nashville itself. 

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"The fact that O’Brien, who sucks, was somehow able to consolidate power despite barely having a winning record as a coach and NOT having any winning personality to speak of, says a lot about just how fucking bizarre the NFL is. O’Brien looks like he knows what he’s doing and acts like he’s knows what he’s doing, but he does NOT know what the fuck he’s doing. No matter. He gives off enough Serious Coaching Man vibes to bend an entire franchise to his will."

That is dead-on accurate. 

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1 minute ago, SFLUFAN said:

Drew might have to reopen the Colts page for comments.

 

Also, the last letter this week was a fucking tragedy:

 

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I like to think that I am a pretty normal guy. I have a wonderful wife, kid, and friends that I hang out with on a regular basis. Everyone always says that I am always calm and collected and stress doesn’t get to me. Well, that all changes the moment that the Colts come on the television screen, Sunday afternoon. At the beginning of the season, I always tell myself that I won’t get caught up or angry with how the Colts do. I try to tell myself “I am just going to enjoy the game...win or lose.” But the very instant something bad happens, the crazy fan comes out. I can’t even count how many “Fuck you!”, “You gotta be fucking kidding me”, “This team fucking sucks” come out of my mouth during a Colts game. When my son was born, I gleefully told my wife how I can’t wait to raise our son as a Colts fan. This is when she told me that our son isn’t allowed to watch the Colts game with me, because of how I act.

 

Only in recent years have my friends started to realize how crazy I am, when it comes to the Colts. The moment they say something about the Colts I tell them to “fuck off” or “go find something better to do with your life, and let me be in the Colts” It isn’t until later in the day, or the next day, do I realize how crazy I was an apologize to them. And everything repeats itself the following weekend.

 

 

Just... Jesus... Football rots peoples' souls.

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