119 replies to this topic

[Triage]

Someone close to me, that I know and talk to everyday is getting a divorce after being married for 10 years.  They have a house, 2 kids and a dog.  She moved out and got her own place and for now they share the custody of their kids.  But yesterday after a day at the court she changed her mind of what she wants during the process of the divorce.  Now she wants her soon to be ex husband to sell the house, she wants the custody and child support AND the dog.  

I asked her why the dog since she lives at a complex where no pets allowed.  She SAYS that she wants to win the dog, SELL it because she knows what the dog means to him!  FYI SHE is the one asking for the divorce!  I find it absolutely crewel!  House issue, yes decide, compromise.  Kids, join custody only makes sense.  But the dog??  LET HIM HAVE THE DOG!

I tried telling her that I think she is unreasonable, but in return she says I'm a softie.  

Anyone else went through divorce here?  Know anyone?  What did they fight for?  How long did it take?

My story is short (and so is my ex husband).  Divorced, join custody of our daughter.  He kept his car, I kept mine.  Everything was done in one day, no issues and for first time without a fight.

[BIGBISCUIT]

He must have cheated on her.

[Triage]

BIGBISCUIT, on 21 March 2012 - 07:45 AM, said:

He must have cheated on her.

Nope. I know him well enough to say no. I think she did though. She used to hang out till midnight sometimes 2 am socializing while her husband was home with kids. He never stayed out late, he said he outgrew that long ago.
She already has a guy and shopping for an engagement ring with him!

[Anathema-]

This does not sound like a person whom you should call your friend.  Someone that spiteful and vindictive toward another person for no aggravating cause?  Fuck that bitch.

[KNMDave]

I've been through divorce. It was mutual at fist and we agreed to no lawyers and went through a paralegals office. In california most things are pretty cut and dry. When we got the final paperwork back all she has to do was sign it and then we would of been done. She decides the $1600 a month i was paying her wasn't enough and wanted $2000 a month so she could send the 2 kids to private school. I saod no and she hired a lawyer. 2 years later ive been to court 5 times with her and the lawyer who is a total douch bag. Shes racked up 10K in lawyers fees. Ive had the child support reduced because i was over paying. Its now $1500 a month and all we are fighting over is her laywer fees which I refuse to pay.

Bottom line they all turn into bitches and the just want to fuck you over......

[Triage]

Anathema-, on 21 March 2012 - 08:08 AM, said:

This does not sound like a person whom you should call your friend.  Someone that spiteful and vindictive toward another person for no aggravating cause?  Fuck that bitch.

I agree. Her and me have grow apart. Not on the same page anymore.

[Anathema-]

Also, what's her number?

[Triage]

KNMDave, on 21 March 2012 - 08:10 AM, said:

I've been through divorce. It was mutual at fist and we agreed to no lawyers and went through a paralegals office. In california most things are pretty cut and dry. When we got the final paperwork back all she has to do was sign it and then we would of been done. She decides the $1600 a month i was paying her wasn't enough and wanted $2000 a month so she could send the 2 kids to private school. I saod no and she hired a lawyer. 2 years later ive been to court 5 times with her and the lawyer who is a total douch bag. Shes racked up 10K in lawyers fees. Ive had the child support reduced because i was over paying. Its now $1500 a month and all we are fighting over is her laywer fees which I refuse to pay.

Wow. And here I felt guilty (at first) taking $660 per month for our kid. I waived marital support, I didn't want his money even though he cheated. I just wanted it to be over.

[Slug]

My wife and I have been married for 12 years and I am blessed to see no end in sight.   That said, if we did split up I hope that it would be amicable.

As far as your friend goes..I'm with Anathema.  This person would not be a friend of mine anymore.  That is just screwed up.  This person needs help.

In general it's frustrating to see how badly husbands and fathers always get fucked in divorce proceedings.  Equality in all things except where it is unequal in the complaining party's favor, eh?

[BIGBISCUIT]

Triage, on 21 March 2012 - 07:51 AM, said:

Nope. I know him well enough to say no. I think she did though. She used to hang out till midnight sometimes 2 am socializing while her husband was home with kids. He never stayed out late, he said he outgrew that long ago.
She already has a guy and shopping for an engagement ring with him!

Damn. That sounds like one evil bitch.

[Sabre20000]

Triage, on 21 March 2012 - 07:51 AM, said:

Nope. I know him well enough to say no. I think she did though. She used to hang out till midnight sometimes 2 am socializing while her husband was home with kids. He never stayed out late, he said he outgrew that long ago.
She already has a guy and shopping for an engagement ring with him!

I simply don't understand this crap.

If she was most likely the cheater, and she is the one trying to get the divorce done...why does she get ANYTHING!!?? This pisses me off so much.

If you want a new life, "Go get your own" would be my response to my wife (who would never do this). I believe 100% that if you instigate (as in cheat or are the cause of) the divorce then you should get NOTHING. No child support, no custody, no house, nothing.

In the case of mutual divorce, ok...splitting things is fine. In the case of cheating/adultery the offending party should get NOTHING.

KNMDave, on 21 March 2012 - 08:10 AM, said:

Bottom line they all turn into bitches and the just want to fuck you over......

Why do you pay child support?

I would never cheat on my wife, and always love her like she's all that matters. If we divorced, it would be her fault...and she'd pay me child support. No way I'd let my ex have the kids.

[CayceG]

Women that do things like this are the worst kind of people in the world.

I don't advocate violence toward women except in two cases: self defense and revenge for pulling shit like this. Triage, your acquaintance is a shining example of the type of woman that DESERVES to be beaten by her ex.


I've seen friends go through divorce over way less. And truth be told, the man 99% of the time gets fucked by the courts because the woman automatically has some form of 'sympathy' or whatever from the judge or society. Your acquaintance deserves no sympathy. She deserves to be beaten with a closed fist.

[BIGBISCUIT]

There has to be more to the story.

[BOSS]

Great examples in this thread why the sanctity of marriage is a mirage.

[Sabre20000]

BOSS, on 21 March 2012 - 09:45 AM, said:

Great examples in this thread why the sanctity of marriage is a mirage.

In many marriages it is.

However, in some marriages it is 100% real. It takes full commitment from both sides...unfortunately many of the people in this world today are too selfish to truly love one person.

People that never want to marry are fine. I say go for it. However, NEVER get married if you don't really want to.

[BOSS]

I don't know if it is selfishness.  To think that you can go your whole life without meeting your "soulmate", assuming you think such a thing exists, is not improbable.  There are billions of people in the world and to think that the one and only person I'm meant to be with would interact with me somehow in my day to day life is unrealistic.  More realistic would be I've met one of many women I'm compatible with.

I think what happens in most cases, even successful marriages, is that you end up meeting someone you can compromise inherent selfishness that comes with being a human for the sake of starting and raising a family.

[Captain Pickle]

BIGBISCUIT, on 21 March 2012 - 09:36 AM, said:

There has to be more to the story.

I really don't think there is.  I hate generalizing and being a sexist pig but sometimes shit like this just boils my blood.  Men do get screwed in these types of things and I know I'm wrong in many instances when saying this but - men don't pull this shit.  Who wants fucking laywer fees when you can just handle this like adults.  You really should know what you would be entitled to.  I see laywers as useful in working out a fair plan but they are really needed to keep psychos like your 'friend' in check.  Sorry for the rant but this just gets me so mad.  The amount of bullshit I've seen happen to good guys or my brother (good enough guy ) is rediculous.  F that succubus.  Tell her you're not a softie and to prove that, tell her she's a psychopath.

Poor dog

[BIGBISCUIT]

Captain Pickle, on 21 March 2012 - 10:02 AM, said:

I really don't think there is.  I hate generalizing and being a sexist pig but sometimes shit like this just boils my blood.  Men do get screwed in these types of things and I know I'm wrong in many instances when saying this but - men don't pull this shit.  Who wants fucking laywer fees when you can just handle this like adults.  You really should know what you would be entitled to.  I see laywers as useful in working out a fair plan but they are really needed to keep psychos like your 'friend' in check.  Sorry for the rant but this just gets me so mad.  The amount of bullshit I've seen happen to good guys or my brother (good enough guy ) is rediculous.  F that succubus.  Tell her your not a softie and to prove that, tell her she's a psychopath.

I just sounds ludicrous.

1) she cheats on him
2) she wants a divorce
3) she wants his fucking dog just to be mean

God damn. If true, she must be some sort of a sociopath. There has to be more to it but perhaps not.

[Triage]

BIGBISCUIT, on 21 March 2012 - 09:36 AM, said:

There has to be more to the story.

Idk, maybe there is.  I do know her husband.  He helped me and my ex boyfriend fix our house after flooding.  While spending time with us, her husband is the one that brought to my attention I'm in a relationship with an asshole.  It was my first relationship after divorce so I was partially blind.  All and any interactions I had with her husband I cannot say anything negative about him.

Now, she says that he isn't sexual person (and never has been,but then why marry him if that's what she cared about).  Never got her flowers.  Didn't give her much attention.  She said that when she first started going out staying out late, SHE WANTED HIM to  say something but he didn't.  So she thought he doesn't care.  10 years of marriage with few years of dating you would think she would talk to him, try something to re new the relationship.

[Captain Pickle]

Ok, maybe he's not the best lover (I still don't believe her) but that doesnt sound like grounds to fuck around with a dog's life because you didnt get laid enough so you find someone else on the side AND steal his dog.  Really, tell her she's insane.  Or find out the truth.  At this point, it better be more than "he didn't buy me flowers".  Question - did she buy him flowers?

[BIGBISCUIT]

It is an odd situation. Sounds like he should have been a priest. They are looking for guys like that.

[Triage]

Anathema-, on 21 March 2012 - 08:08 AM, said:

This does not sound like a person whom you should call your friend.  Someone that spiteful and vindictive toward another person for no aggravating cause?  Fuck that bitch.

She no longer is my friend BUT she is my boss.  I wasn't going to expose that but here it is.  I have to work with her every day (or whenever she decides to show up).  She has changed toward me as a boss too.

Her and me stopped hanging out after I had to drag her drunk ass out some guy's house that was 11 years younger then her.  Her and me went out.  Drunk she get in his car to go to his house.  I as a good friend at that time, not drunk decided to join them so I can keep an eye on her.  My STUPID ass put myself in danger.  I pass out on the sofa, wake up like an hour later.  She no where around.  I went to the room and see her and the guy in his bed (all clothes on).  Pull her out of the bed and drag her out.  We never hung out after that.  I wanted to tell her husband BUT again SHE IS MY BOSS during work hours.

[Triage]

Captain Pickle, on 21 March 2012 - 10:11 AM, said:

Ok, maybe he's not the best lover (I still don't believe her) but that doesnt sound like grounds to fuck around with a dog's life because you didnt get laid enough so you find someone else on the side AND steal his dog.  Really, tell her she's insane.  Or find out the truth.  At this point, it better be more than "he didn't buy me flowers".  Question - did she buy him flowers?

I agree ON ALL of it.

[Captain Pickle]

Yeah, quite an intriguing thread.  Hope there's updates.  Nothing like poking your nose in the lives of complete strangers.

And then judging them

[Triage]

Also I agree (as a woman) that if as a woman you cheat and end the marriage, you should NOT get anything.  The legal system is FUCKED UP.

Also to add to my life story, my ex husband married the girl he cheated on me with because he knocked her up.  With twins. She is 14 years younger then my ex so lately she has been wanting to get out, have fun.  She left my ex supposedly for another guy, took all his money and got lawyer and he had to pay HER for child support.  As much as I hate the fucker and times thought what comes around goes around, it wasn't right.  Why would he pay her if SHE left him.

AGAIN THE LEGAL SYSTEM IS FUCKED UP!

[Triage]

Captain Pickle, on 21 March 2012 - 10:13 AM, said:

Yeah, quite an intriguing thread.  Hope there's updates.  Nothing like poking your nose in the lives of complete strangers.

And then judging them

I take it as a life lesson.  See what other do and make sure I don't do the same.  And yes I will update as the whole thing progresses.

I feel bad for the dog!

[Anathema-]

Oh this is the boss you were telling me about?  Yeah she needs a man with a firm hand for SURE and I don't mean beating her.  Give her my number, I'll straighten her out but good.

[Irreverent79]

A big problem with divorce is that divorce attorneys will often do everything they can to convince women to take their husbands for everything they can.  And attorney fees do a good job of that on their own.

[Triage]

Anathema-, on 21 March 2012 - 10:20 AM, said:

Oh this is the boss you were telling me about?  Yeah she needs a man with a firm hand for SURE and I don't mean beating her.  Give her my number, I'll straighten her out but good.

Yup, her.  She told me about the dog yesterday.  I've been having hard time with the whole divorce since it started because from what I see her hubby a good guy.  And now the dog.

[Irreverent79]

I should say, responding to some statements earlier in the thread suggesting that she shouldn't get anything simply because she's the one who wants a divorce, that one important reason to keep at least some kind of spousal support or alimony and splitting of assets in practice is to protect women from being basically blackmailed into staying in extremely abusive relationships, often for the benefit of their children.  It should be possible for women to leave any relationship without an extreme amount of discomfort to prevent this kind of thing imo.

I get that this doesn't really play into this specific case though.

[Triage]

Irreverent79, on 21 March 2012 - 10:22 AM, said:

A big problem with divorce is that divorce attorneys will often do everything they can to convince women to take their husbands for everything they can.  And attorney fees do a good job of that on their own.

People have minds of their own.  Me and my ex represented our selves, no lawyers.  It was very smooth divorce.

[Anathema-]

Triage, on 21 March 2012 - 10:23 AM, said:

Yup, her.  She told me about the dog yesterday.  I've been having hard time with the whole divorce since it started because from what I see her hubby a good guy.  And now the dog.

She can't deal with the fact that her husband isn't tying her down and spanking the shit out of her every night.  She's acting out because she sees him as weak and needs someone stronger than her to reign her in.  Classic bottoming from the top.

[Captain Pickle]

Like in anything, caught cheating should equate to you losing.  Not everything maybe but getting a shitty deal.  Also, if you wanna leave just because than AT MOST 50/50.  In cases like these gender should have no meaning.

Aside: I like how she told you she wanted to get scolded for partying all night.  She basically said 'that stupid naive idiot actually trusts me, Imma find me a boytoy'.  Sounds like a real catch, she does.  Ana, get on it.  Can't possibly see anything go wrong.  It's win win with this sweetheart.

[Irreverent79]

Triage, on 21 March 2012 - 10:26 AM, said:

People have minds of their own.  Me and my ex represented our selves, no lawyers.  It was very smooth divorce.

True. It's not really an excuse or justification.  Just a problem worth considering from a guy's perspective I think.

[BIGBISCUIT]

Captain Pickle, on 21 March 2012 - 10:26 AM, said:

Aside: I like how she told you she wanted to get scolded for partying all night.  She basically said 'that stupid naive idiot actually trusts me, Imma find me a boytoy'.  Sounds like a real catch, she does.  Ana, get on it.  Can't possibly see anything go wrong.  It's win win with this sweetheart.

She wanted to be wanted. She needed intimacy and he couldn't provide it. That is what it sounds like.