Some Serious Personal Stuff Here

[SoberChef]

I'm not one to put my personal stuff out there too much but I'm writing this in hopes others may have had some experience either personally or via someone close in their lives (unfortunately that is once you hear what's going on).

 

So my wife had surgery back in the end of November for a hiatal hernia (more than half of her stomach was outside of her stomach as the sphincter around the esophagus was loose from GERD & constant stomach acid eroding it). So she gets a nissen fundoplication (essentially cut a bit of the stomach & wrap it around to strengthen the sphincter & ensure the stomach stays in place). The thing that happened however, was that her vagus nerve was damaged. How severely? Unknown yet as she'll be going for what will be her roughly 6th non-surgical procedure related to her gastrointestinal issues.

She has ZERO quality of life post-op. She can spend days at a time, morning, noon, & all throughout the night dry heaving & retching (the surgery makes it so she can't physically actually throw up by the way). The nerve being damaged makes her constantly nauseated, unable to eat barely anything (legit, she can barely polish off one of those P3 protein snack packs). She is weak, dizzy, unable to maintain body temps throughout the day, is suffering from further numbness & tingling in her extremities, a number of other issues.

 

Meanwhile, we went to the gastro doc that had referred her to the surgeon who fucked her up real good, and not only did he confirm via the last two tests that my wife absolutely has gastroparesis & as he went on about the results he became physically uncomfortable & awkward while attempting to change the topic & move onto other items of note to address. This is off the back that when my wife had gone for a follow up w/ the surgeon, she took ZERO responsibility for any issues being suffered at the hands of my wife, so much as to even throw her own assistant (essentially a medical grad student doing her residency under this woman) for not even doing the stitches appropriately. So in essence, the surgeon who has completely made my wife's life EVEN WORSE than it was prior to surgery, isn't taking any responsibility for her part in it & immediately sent her back to the referring doctor aforementioned.

 

Fast forward to earlier today when my wife went to see her primary care physician & in essence, said not only the same thing I had said not 48 hours prior to my wife & the gastro doc that she has no quality of life, but that the surgeon needs to take up responsibility for the error & issues caused. I'm pretty sure this is a solid enough case legally, no? Furthermore, if ANYONE has had any type of interaction with or know of someone suffering from something similar, just doing what I can for a little help or understanding or just SOMETHING!

 

I know that literally none of this is about me, yet it sickens me to no end that there is literally fuck all I can do for my wife aside from being loving & supportive (I know that these are absolutely big deals yet in my opinion, for the one I love above all others including myself, this isn't acceptable!) Just really going through it, this is taking up the bulk of my time & life of course, a myriad of other things going on, mental health is struggling to say the least.

 

TL;DR - Just thanks for being here if you do reply!

[Mr.Vic20]

First, you have my sympathies sober. On top of this terrible ordeal that your wife, and by product you, are going through, its the thounsand little things that have to change to accomidate this unique medical situation that can wear you down as time rolls on. Please let us know if we can help in any way! Happy to send some groceries your way, lend and ear via this forum, take a phone call if you'd like to vent. Just keep the line open and have things to keep you in a rythm. I have been through some werd, long, isolating stretches in my life and I know that losing to the story, when it swallows you completely, is a point of true mental danger. 

[SoberChef]

@Mr.Vic20 sincerely thank you. While, to my own detriment more often than not, I unfortunately don't "reach out" when its needed & necessary (sorta why I posted this as a cry for help in some way I guess?) However, I'll use this thread to update when I can. That all said, no shit, reading your words brought tears to my eyes, I thank you for your time just to say all of that.

[Mr.Vic20]

24 minutes ago, SoberChef said:

@Mr.Vic20 sincerely thank you. While, to my own detriment more often than not, I unfortunately don't "reach out" when its needed & necessary (sorta why I posted this as a cry for help in some way I guess?) However, I'll use this thread to update when I can. That all said, no shit, reading your words brought tears to my eyes, I thank you for your time just to say all of that.

Outside of this board, I'm the same way. I have, through a life time of cuts and bruises, come to have trust issues people's various agendas and I personally need very little, so I find the proposition of socializing or reaching out to hold less and less value for me. That said, we all need a little steadying from someone that doesn't want a damn thing from us, if for no other reason then to know that there is care in the world. We're around Mr, lean on us here and there, its good for the metaphorical soul and your personal sense of community.  

[Chris-]

Search for malpractice firms in the area and submit inquiries to them. If it sounds worthwhile they will contact you for more information, and up until any potential settlement/judgement it costs you nothing (though they will take a sizable chunk of it). 

[Commissar SFLUFAN]

12 minutes ago, Chris- said:

Search for malpractice firms in the area and submit inquiries to them. If it sounds worthwhile they will contact you for more information, and up until any potential settlement/judgement it costs you nothing (though they will take a sizable chunk of it).

 

FOLLOW THIS ADVICE!

 

An initial consultation with a malpractice attorney will cost you nothing!

[Bloodporne]

I'm not sure how relevant or useful this is but one tidbit I can throw out there is that my ex was a med student in her residency and I remember her telling me just how much hospitals/doctors get sued. For way, way less shit by the sound of it too. I guess what I'm saying is that you're not being dramatic or overreacting by looking into and potentially going for malpractice. This sounds way worse than half the shit my ex told me about. 

 

Also, best of luck to you guys and hopefully you can get some follow-up procedure to correct the mistake(s) lined up quickly. 

[TheShader]

10 hours ago, SoberChef said:

I know that literally none of this is about me

Just want to let you know that there's no shame or selfishness is seeking out your own support in these times. Being supportive of the ones we love, especially when there's very little we can do other than be warm and kind, can very much take its own toll on you mentally. It's perfectly ok to reach out, be it with friends, family, or weirdo internet friends on a questionable message board. Shit is tough, and you need to be at your best so you can be there for your wife. Hang in there, and never be afraid to reach out to the people that care about you.

 

[Biggie]

Love you @SoberChef  All the time I’ve ever posted or talked to you here I’ve never had a problem with you. 
 

 

[SoberChef]

First off, to Chris (nice name by the way says one Chris to another), Biggie (dude you made me misty, you rock!), Shader, Blood, & SFLU - we will be going to follow up w/ a couple law firms to see what we can do going forward, but to you all I say THANK YOU! 

 

 

[Keyser_Soze]

@TUFKAK didn't show up to this thread but I'm sure he could offer some advice from a medical perspective. He would probably just agree with Chris though.

 

Hang in there 🫂

[TUFKAK]

1 hour ago, Keyser_Soze said:

@TUFKAK didn't show up to this thread but I'm sure he could offer some advice from a medical perspective. He would probably just agree with Chris though.

 

Hang in there 🫂

This is why I’m not in the OR 😂

[TUFKAK]

But now that I can actually formulate a point.

 

Itll be hard to argue malpractice, assuming informed consent was achieved. There’s a risk with every surgical procedure, every medical intervention, and legal goes out of their way to cover that. Not everyone’s biology is the same, which is why you sign the consent before, especially if it was an elective procedure. Short of gross negligence arguing a case will be problematic, some people are just unlucky and it sucks. 
 

It’d be like trying to sue because you had a transfusion reaction, it’s a known risk of the procedure.

[silentbob]

So sorry to hear what you and especially your wife are going through @SoberChef Some 25yrs ago my dad had half his large intestine removed because it started wrapping around his stomach. They did the surgery, he felt better but would always bloat on him after a meal but mostly after a cigarette. My nausea is still a pain in the ass from Covid and barely have an appetite anymore. I know it’s my go too, but any way to get her try some marijuana for her appetite? If not, I would look into CBG oil/edibles. It’s the mother component of the plant, but non intoxicating like CBD. I will always remember my pot store manager (very knowledgeable guy) telling me that CBG is geared towards improving a persons stomach/intestinal health from various ailments. (mainly cancer, which would of been great for my dad for his last few months) Trying to remember if like CBD, CBG might take a week or 2 of daily use to become noticeable to the person using. I noticed it from my edible of 5mg (also had 2.5mg of THC) and from just the pure CBG oil we bought as well. Hopefully this might bring her some relief. I wish you and your wife the best on whatever steps you 2 need to take going forward. 

[AlwaysDyingX]

I'm not a lawyer in real life but sometimes I play one on the internet and with that said, I think you and your wife need to be compensated for the surgeon's malpractice. 

[CastlevaniaNut18]

12 hours ago, TUFKAK said:

But now that I can actually formulate a point.

 

Itll be hard to argue malpractice, assuming informed consent was achieved. There’s a risk with every surgical procedure, every medical intervention, and legal goes out of their way to cover that. Not everyone’s biology is the same, which is why you sign the consent before, especially if it was an elective procedure. Short of gross negligence arguing a case will be problematic, some people are just unlucky and it sucks. 
 

It’d be like trying to sue because you had a transfusion reaction, it’s a known risk of the procedure.

This. It really sucks what she’s going through, but there’s always a risk. Actual malpractice is hard to prove. Unless it’s just obvious. 

[Jason]

5 hours ago, CastlevaniaNut18 said:

This. It really sucks what she’s going through, but there’s always a risk. Actual malpractice is hard to prove. Unless it’s just obvious. 

 

Seems no risk though to just talk to some malpractice lawyers and see if any of them think there's a case, since they'd take it on contingency if they think there's a case. 

[CastlevaniaNut18]

10 minutes ago, Jason said:

 

Seems no risk though to just talk to some malpractice lawyers and see if any of them think there's a case, since they'd take it on contingency if they think there's a case. 

Well, of course not. I just wouldn’t encourage him to get his hopes up. 

[AlwaysDyingX]

7 hours ago, Jason said:

 

Seems no risk though to just talk to some malpractice lawyers and see if any of them think there's a case, since they'd take it on contingency if they think there's a case. 

 

[SoberChef]

On 2/18/2023 at 2:47 PM, silentbob said:

So sorry to hear what you and especially your wife are going through @SoberChef Some 25yrs ago my dad had half his large intestine removed because it started wrapping around his stomach. They did the surgery, he felt better but would always bloat on him after a meal but mostly after a cigarette. My nausea is still a pain in the ass from Covid and barely have an appetite anymore. I know it’s my go too, but any way to get her try some marijuana for her appetite? If not, I would look into CBG oil/edibles. It’s the mother component of the plant, but non intoxicating like CBD. I will always remember my pot store manager (very knowledgeable guy) telling me that CBG is geared towards improving a persons stomach/intestinal health from various ailments. (mainly cancer, which would of been great for my dad for his last few months) Trying to remember if like CBD, CBG might take a week or 2 of daily use to become noticeable to the person using. I noticed it from my edible of 5mg (also had 2.5mg of THC) and from just the pure CBG oil we bought as well. Hopefully this might bring her some relief. I wish you and your wife the best on whatever steps you 2 need to take going forward. 

 

Yeah both my wife & I take edibles for a multitude of ailments & really is the only thing that seemingly calms & relaxes her stomach to the point of actually being able to consume something food wise, but thank you for bringing up an important option that is overlooked by far too many still. The CBD isn't as effective, not to mention those which have both THC & CBD as the former is negated by the latter dependent on dose strength.

[SoberChef]

So just sorta need to vent a bit. Had an appointment a few weeks back with a new Gastroenterologist & it'll be the same rigamarole as before. Put forth the order for botox injections into the bottom sphincter of her stomach, IF insurance decides to cover it for this being the 3rd time now it's been recommended & by a 2nd medical professional. That being said, it's more than likely it won't work (numbers scream this). I did post on a Gastroparesis subreddit & got some feedback, the best part being a recommendation to a Facebook group over 40K members strong all suffering from GP, so at least my wife is getting some communal help there.

 

I continue to struggle day to day seeing my beloved so in pain & in such suffering. It eats away at me mentally, emotionally, spiritually. I have a hard time focusing or concentrating at work even as I'm often either having my heart & head w/ her, or just so deflated from it all (especially this time of year) that I just don't have the energy. Then there's the dark part of me, the one that never ever wants to just shut the fuck up, about how I'll be trading one woman (mom) for another (wife) who's life isn't up to par, unable to fully care for themselves, etc. which in turn makes me feel trapped, paranoid, resentful, angry, ... all these emotions to which I just continue to bottle up which I know full well is NOT healthy whatsoever either.

 

Going back to that last appointment, it was there that the full brunt of reality set in for my wife to realize this is a life long thing now (or at least until who the fuck knows when). FUCK I am so over 2023 yet this is just the first in a long number of years to be here for her and the toll it takes on both of us. I just wanna bawl as I write this, probably why I need SOMEWHERE to let this all out. Thanks for being here D1P.

[TUFKAK]

Have you guys considered entering into pain management? 

[SoberChef]

30 minutes ago, TUFKAK said:

Have you guys considered entering into pain management? 

 

So snafu on that considering my wife is in recovery from opiate addiction. Because of that & how extraordinarily over the top the NYS heathcare system is, she's flagged constantly. So with regards to pain management, at best it's naproxen or tizanidine.

[TUFKAK]

7 minutes ago, SoberChef said:

 

So snafu on that considering my wife is in recovery from opiate addiction. Because of that & how extraordinarily over the top the NYS heathcare system is, she's flagged constantly. So with regards to pain management, at best it's naproxen or tizanidine.

I’m not sure what the system is for your state but in California even those in recovery can get put into pain management with multiple treatment modalities including dissociatives. You have to have a dx indicating the need and hers definitely qualifies here.

[SoberChef]

16 hours ago, TUFKAK said:

I’m not sure what the system is for your state but in California even those in recovery can get put into pain management with multiple treatment modalities including dissociatives. You have to have a dx indicating the need and hers definitely qualifies here.

 

While I hear what you're saying, she has come a long fucking way in her battle from opiates and is more or less adamant to not receive any.

[TUFKAK]

1 hour ago, SoberChef said:

 

While I hear what you're saying, she has come a long fucking way in her battle from opiates and is more or less adamant to not receive any.

As I said there are other options, dissociatives are basically a first line in her case.

 

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK539824/

[CitizenVectron]

That's great that you've found an online support group for your wife on Facebook. Have you considered finding one yourself, as a caregiver? My own situation is different, but with my wife's MS I've definitely found that speaking to others in a similar situation can help shoulder some of the burden.

[SoberChef]

11 hours ago, CitizenVectron said:

That's great that you've found an online support group for your wife on Facebook. Have you considered finding one yourself, as a caregiver? My own situation is different, but with my wife's MS I've definitely found that speaking to others in a similar situation can help shoulder some of the burden.

 

Appreciate that. Yeah...probably not taking as good care of myself as I SHOULD, but I'm cognizant of the fact that I need to at times & when & where I can, I have reached out to friends, colleagues, even a few in the threads I've posted in the support groups. That's the thing being a caregiver, you just put yourself so far to the back of the bus in lieu of doing anything & everything for that person you love and or are in charge of caring for. It's a delicate balance that more often than not is a losing battle which sucks. 

[SmugPrick]

the american health system is such a joke. I hope they diagnosed her correctly. When I was dealing with chronic throat soreness, I went to the ears nose and throat doc and he stated its acid reflux and to see a gastro. Went to see the gastro and he said it was ENT. This went back and forth for a year. I went in for a sleep study to find out that I snore almost all night and that was the root of my chronic sore throat.