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DuesEXgame

Hey, this place still exists..

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Sup, all? It's been years I think since I left this place in a huff saying I'd never come back, I don't even remember why, I was really stressed out and angry at the time. It was a good choice, honestly, just because I was too trapped inside my own head, and spending too much time fucking around on the internet and letting that paint my view of reality, so it was good to break from it and get some perspective. But I really do regret the way I left, I was such an asshole. And I miss the community. So I came back to see what's been happening...And because my life is in the shitter and I'm desperate. Does anyone even remember me? 

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9 minutes ago, DuesEXgame said:

Sup, all? It's been years I think since I left this place in a huff saying I'd never come back, I don't even remember why, I was really stressed out and angry at the time. It was a good choice, honestly, just because I was too trapped inside my own head, and spending too much time fucking around on the internet and letting that paint my view of reality, so it was good to break from it and get some perspective. But I really do regret the way I left, I was such an asshole. And I miss the community. So I came back to see what's been happening...And because my life is in the shitter and I'm desperate. Does anyone even remember me? 

 

I remember you and when you left. It's nice to see you back!

 

You can talk to us if things are going to shit. :\

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2 minutes ago, GuyWhoPredictsThings said:

 

I remember you and when you left. It's nice to see you back!

 

You can talk to us if things are going to shit. :\


I don't wanna bore anyone, in a nutshell, been struggling with mental illness (severe depression, anxiety, OCD), it got so bad that I lost my job, then a year or so later I lost my gf because it became too hard for her to watch me falling apart...I was passed around to a bunch of different therapists, I was tried on a ton of different medication that really fucked me up for a while, I had several extended stays in different hospitals...Basically just fun times. I'm doing...Sort of better now? I guess? I got off all the meds cold turkey and felt way better for a few months, but then I started sinking again, and lately I'm back to feeling as low as ever, and I'm completely aimless and have very little hope left.

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1 minute ago, DuesEXgame said:


I don't wanna bore anyone, in a nutshell, been struggling with mental illness (severe depression, anxiety, OCD), it got so bad that I lost my job, then a year or so later I lost my gf because it became too hard for her to watch me falling apart...I was passed around to a bunch of different therapists, I was tried on a ton of different medication that really fucked me up for a while, I had several extended stays in different hospitals...Basically just fun times. I'm doing...Sort of better now? I guess? I got off all the meds cold turkey and felt way better for a few months, but then I started sinking again, and lately I'm back to feeling as low as ever, and I'm completely aimless and have very little hope left.

 

Ouch, that's a pretty bad turn of events. :( 

 

Some people I know with depression/anxiety need to find that one medication that works for them. Usually, it's something that takes time, but it sounds like nothing was working (what were they doing to you?). Unfortunately, going cold turkey can backfire sooner or later, too, and it really sounds like you need to find one that works for you so anything you may be experiencing -- panic attacks, constant nervousness/fear -- are kept to a minimum. 

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I was tried on like 1,000 different meds...By the end they had me on high doses of 6 different meds at once and my mind was a complete fog. I even let them try ECT on me, that electro-shock therapy where they put you to sleep and induce a seizure in your brain, yeah I went through that over 20 times before the doc was like "yeahhh, this doesn't seem to be doing anything..." Sigh. It's hard for me to trust doctors now because it was all such a nightmarish experience. Having said that, I am still on something for the anxiety and a couple months ago I agreed to try an anti-depressant again, but I'm quite sure it's making me feel worse again, or just isn't doing anything.

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1 minute ago, RedSoxFan9 said:

Have you played the most recent Deus Ex game?


I'm actually completely out of the loop on video games. I'm not even aware what's out these days. I'm still using my dusty old 360 and ps3, anything past that I'm probably unaware of. Whenever I see what graphics look like these days it blows my mind. 

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1 hour ago, DuesEXgame said:

I was tried on like 1,000 different meds...By the end they had me on high doses of 6 different meds at once and my mind was a complete fog. I even let them try ECT on me, that electro-shock therapy where they put you to sleep and induce a seizure in your brain, yeah I went through that over 20 times before the doc was like "yeahhh, this doesn't seem to be doing anything..." Sigh. It's hard for me to trust doctors now because it was all such a nightmarish experience. Having said that, I am still on something for the anxiety and a couple months ago I agreed to try an anti-depressant again, but I'm quite sure it's making me feel worse again, or just isn't doing anything.

 

I'd be remiss to try to tell you what to do since I don't have any in-depth knowledge of how your body works. It's really a pity to hear this since I know so many people who are helped by medication, but I don't know if yours is more severe, or if it's around the same but they found a medication that worked well for them.

 

Has the anxiety medication helped at all? I know you said you're iffy on the anti-depressant.

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Welcome back!

 

Sorry things have taken such a turn for you though :( I don't have any great advice, but there have been lots of people who had similar problems where nothing seemed to work and eventually found a way through. So don't give up hope yet. Unfortunately, the brain is still a tricky system and we're not yet good at quickly identifying how to fix it.

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5 minutes ago, GuyWhoPredictsThings said:

 

I'd be remiss to try to tell you what to do since I don't have any in-depth knowledge of how your body works. It's really a pity to hear this since I know so many people who are helped by medication, but I don't know if yours is more severe, or if it's around the same but they found a medication that worked well for them.

 

Has the anxiety medication helped at all? I know you said you're iffy on the anti-depressant.


Yes, the anxiety meds help, but I worry about getting addicted to them so I only take a small dose. But they definitely help me to just calm the fuck down, because I can go from 1-Panic like immediately depending on the day or how I'm feeling...

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5 minutes ago, DuesEXgame said:


Yes, the anxiety meds help, but I worry about getting addicted to them so I only take a small dose. But they definitely help me to just calm the fuck down, because I can go from 1-Panic like immediately depending on the day or how I'm feeling...

 

If the small dose is what the doctor recommended, then you're fine, but I would recommend taking exactly what they want you to take in terms of dosage and no more so they can track your progress. That's probably the one thing I feel confident in saying. :P 

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Also, just so I'm not just coming back to take a shit on the floor, this is the only arguably positive thing I have to share, the last few days the depression broke ever-so-slightly and I've been doodling again. I'm just so out of practice. 
 

bal.jpg

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Listen man, get a PS4, get Resogun, and I'll play the shit out of it with you during a Friday night or something and we can shoot the shit. :P 

 

Actually, do you have a decent friends network at all? I don't mean online, obviously, but in general.

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9 minutes ago, GuyWhoPredictsThings said:

Listen man, get a PS4, get Resogun, and I'll play the shit out of it with you during a Friday night or something and we can shoot the shit. :P 

 

Actually, do you have a decent friends network at all? I don't mean online, obviously, but in general.


I only have a few friends left in this area, I don't get to see them much. I was lucky enough to see a few people the last few days, but yeah, generally I live in a void. It could easily be a simulation for all I know, the horizon could be a cardboard cutout. :P 

Also, the fuck is Resogun? 

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Welcome back @DuesEXgame ! :hug: Sorry to hear that things took a bit of a turn for the worse, but I'm glad to hear that you're still hanging in there. I always loved it when you shared your artistic talents with the boards. :) 

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I remember you and I remember your art as well.  Welcome back, good sir!

 

I don't have a whole lot of advice for your situation, so instead I leave you with advice from someone much smarter than me.

 

".... black holes ain't as black as they are painted.  They are not the eternal prisons they were once thought.  Things can get out of a black hole both on the outside and possibly to another universe.  So if you feel you are in a black hole, don't give up- there's a way out."  -Hawking

 

 

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15 minutes ago, Boyle5150 said:

I remember you and I remember your art as well.  Welcome back, good sir!

 

I don't have a whole lot of advice for your situation, so instead I leave you with advice from someone much smarter than me.

 

".... black holes ain't as black as they are painted.  They are not the eternal prisons they were once thought.  Things can get out of a black hole both on the outside and possibly to another universe.  So if you feel you are in a black hole, don't give up- there's a way out."  -Hawking

 

RIP Mr. Hawking, I'm sure you still exist in another timeline, surfin' them waves.

And thank you guys for welcoming me back. I thought I was going to have the digital equivalent of garbage thrown at me. 

 

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3 minutes ago, SFLUFAN said:

@DuesEXgame - what would you prefer: a PS4 or an XB1?


Oh jeez, I have no idea. I don't even know what's out these days, or how games have evolved. I used to love stuff like Halo or Half-Life, or like Ninja Gaiden and DMC...And back when I used to have the patience for things like rpgs. I'm completely shit broke these days anyway, I'm currently just hoping my laptop doesn't die on me...It's on it's last legs for sure, I can't even right click on files anymore without it freezing. 

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1 minute ago, DuesEXgame said:


Oh jeez, I have no idea. I don't even know what's out these days, or how games have evolved. I used to love stuff like Halo or Half-Life, or like Ninja Gaiden and DMC...And back when I used to have the patience for things like rpgs. I'm completely shit broke these days anyway, I'm currently just hoping my laptop doesn't die on me...It's on it's last legs for sure, I can't even right click on files anymore without it freezing. 

Well, let's see.  Why don't you do some searches on the two platforms.  Objectively speaking, the PS4 has more exclusives than the XB1 but both systems have practically identical third-party offerings.

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I'd probably lean towards PS but I have no idea. I used to prefer xbox simply because of Halo, but I see my friend talking about Destiny and I'm sure that would be more than enough to keep me entertained, I just haven't played anything in a long time. 

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8 minutes ago, DuesEXgame said:

I'd probably lean towards PS but I have no idea. I used to prefer xbox simply because of Halo, but I see my friend talking about Destiny and I'm sure that would be more than enough to keep me entertained, I just haven't played anything in a long time. 

XboxOneX 

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5 hours ago, DuesEXgame said:

I'd probably lean towards PS but I have no idea. I used to prefer xbox simply because of Halo, but I see my friend talking about Destiny and I'm sure that would be more than enough to keep me entertained, I just haven't played anything in a long time. 

So up until recently it was, IMO, a no brainer to go with PS4. Sony has a lot more big budget, highly reviewed titles in its stable, where as Ms has struggled to offer up 1st party titles this generation. That said though, if you don't have a lot of money to spend on gaming, Xbox offers the amazing "Games Pass" service, given you access to a pretty good selection of titles for 10 bucks a month. Hard to beat the value of that proposition! 

 

https://www.xbox.com/en-US/games/xbox-game-pass

 

 

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If you’re looking for value the Xbox is probbaly better cause of gamepass but for actual games it’s hard to pass up the exclusives the PS4 has 

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Thank you. What are you guys playing these days? And forgive my lack of knowledge, imagine I've been frozen in carbonite...To give you an idea of how far behind I am, when I try to think of the last thing I tried to play, I think I tried to get into the Phantom Pain cause I loved the Metal Gears, but I was highly intimidated by the open world aspect, I guess I'm stupid in the way that I need it to be a little linear to keep me pointed in the right direction or else I wonder off and get distracted and forget the story and lose interest. Plus my friend told me the ending was incomplete and disappointing where you had to watch this whole documentary to get an idea of the ending he really wanted, and that sounded highly anti-climactic. I dunno. 

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Personally, I'm more of a PC gamer these days with some Switch sprinkled in! But if I didn't have a gaming PC I would have a PS4 instead.

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